One of the things that I’ve learned over the years is that although truths may hurt at times, they’re vital for personal growth. Most of us don’t like to face the harsh reality of things that we have been daydreaming over or lying to ourselves about, and may even go out of our way to avoid these issues. Ultimately, however, it’s only by both facing and embracing the most uncomfortable truths that we can jumpstart our personal development. The eight truths listed here are some of the hardest, but most vital to accept.
1. You aren’t going to be liked by everyone you meet, and that’s okay.
Most of us want to be liked by others because that feeling is linked to a sense of belonging. The yearning to be part of a community is ingrained in us on a cellular level: if our ancestors were kicked out of their groups, they would have starved to death. The thing is, you aren’t going to like everyone you meet, and nor will they like you for a variety of reasons. And that’s fine.
According to a Harvard article on the psychology of social connection, we will only cultivate close connections with a very small number of other humans over the course of our lives. The rest will be apathetic at best, or contemptuous at worst.
As such, it’s important to invest real time and effort into those you truly connect with. You’ll never grow as a person if you waste time on the opinions of people who really don’t matter to you.
2. No one will do the work for you.
We can take an analgesic to ease the pain of a headache, but that doesn’t eliminate the root cause of it. There’s always an underlying issue that’s causing a symptom, and it won’t ease off unless it’s addressed. Furthermore, there’s no quick fix to most things in life, so if there’s something important to you that you want to achieve, you have to do the work yourself.
If you want to get in shape, you need to eat well and exercise. Similarly, if you want to attain mastery in a discipline, you have to dedicate real time and effort to it. There’s no quick-and-easy approach to getting your black belt in a month or attaining spiritual enlightenment after a weekend retreat. Achieving great results and personal growth takes time and dedication.
Furthermore, it’s the worst feeling in the world when everyone does everything for you, as it robs you of all personal accomplishment.
3. It’s not the world’s responsibility to shield you from potential discomfort.
Over the past couple of decades, there has been an enormous social shift towards glorifying victimhood and a solid lack of personal responsibility or accountability. People try to shield themselves (and their children) from any type of discomfort, and expect the world around them to take steps to protect them from any unwanted emotion. This really stunts their personal growth. As a result, most people don’t have healthy coping mechanisms when they’re upset or uncomfortable, and turn standard life challenges into crises and perceived traumas.
Life is going to be difficult and painful at times, and it is nobody’s responsibility but your own to learn how to deal with them. If something you see on a regular basis is upsetting to you, look away or develop the coping skills you need to deal with it.
I’ve lived through some truly harrowing circumstances in my life, from wildfires to near-death health scares, and got through them with the coping mechanisms I developed through exposure to various types of discomfort over the years. Children expect their parents to protect them from imaginary monsters, but adults need to step up and learn to protect themselves.
4. It’s up to you to fill in the gaps in your education.
Your parents may have screwed up and not taught you certain things, but if you moved out at 18-20 and are in your 30s, 40s, or beyond now, nothing is stopping you from learning these things on your own. “I was never taught” is no excuse. You’ve had years to learn all these things, and blaming your parents for your shortcomings isn’t going to earn you respect from anyone, nor is it going to help you grow and evolve as a person.
You don’t know how to cook? There are countless videos on YouTube, TikTok, etc. that you can follow along with, from basics to advanced techniques. Never learned to drive? There’s no time like the present to sign up for lessons. Can’t swim? Go to your local pool and find out when adult beginner classes start. Unless you are truly incapable of learning something because of a disability, not knowing something is nobody’s fault but your own.
5. Nobody “owes” you what you want from them.
If a person you’re interested in rejects you, that doesn’t mean they’re hateful, phobic, or that it’s “their loss.” They’re simply not interested in you. Nobody owes you reciprocal affection. That also goes for people whom you may have pursued as a “friend” in the hope of intimacy in the future, or family members whom you haven’t invested any time or energy into until you wanted them to do something for you.
You have personal autonomy and sovereignty, and that grants you the right to refuse to do what others want of you if you are not interested in participating. Everyone else has that same right to refuse you in turn. Your children don’t “owe” you for your choice to bring them into the world, nor do your employees “owe” you anything for the privilege of working for your company, etc.
6. It’s good to fail.
Many people avoid trying new things because they want to avoid the frustration and humiliation of failure, but it’s only by failing that we accrue vital life experience. Furthermore, accumulated mistakes over time will grant you an enormous amount of perspective, all of which is vital if you want to master a craft or a pursuit. This is why master craftsmen are those who have made countless errors over the decades: they perfected their skills by learning exactly what not to do. Failure is essential for personal growth. Successful people are those who overcome failure, not those who avoid it at all costs.
In addition, a great approach is to play around with what it is that interests you. Experiment with whatever you enjoy without attributing the price tag of wild success or dismal failure.
If you’re a fan of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, remember how Arthur Dent learned how to fly: it seemed impossible until he tripped and forgot that he was falling because his attention was elsewhere… and voila! He flew.
7. Just because you perceive something as truth, that doesn’t mean that it is.
From childhood onwards, everything we perceive comes through filters based on our own personal experiences. As such, how others come across to us via their words and actions is often inaccurate. If you throw an extreme amount of fear or anger into the mix, then the perception may become more distorted. The same goes for your perspectives on other people’s lives, such as not having empathy for someone’s pain or illness because you’ve never been affected in the same way.
If you can detach yourself from your internal preconceptions and observe things as they are, rather than what you assume them to be, life can make a lot more sense. It’s also a huge sign of personal growth. Step away from your formative conditioning and the weight of previous bad experiences, and look upon everything with fresh eyes. Suddenly, you realize that the guy who’s speaking in an assertive tone isn’t angry at you: he simply reminds you of your father.
8. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Anyone who has lost someone close to them due to sudden, unexpected causes realizes that there is no guarantee that any of us will see tomorrow. Most of us like to hope that we’ll live long, happy, healthy lives, and finally expire in our sleep around age 100 or so, but that isn’t going to be the reality for the vast majority of us.
As such, it’s important to make every day count to the best of your ability. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t rest, or that you need to pack excitement and achievement into every single minute, but do meaningful things with whatever time you have and leave a positive lasting legacy. Tell those you care about how you feel, eat a fancy dessert with your afternoon coffee, and read the book you’ve been saving for “later”, because you may not have another chance to do so.
Final thoughts…
When it comes to rapid personal growth, Joseph Campbell’s quote forever rings true: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
By nature, people shy away from the things that make them uncomfortable. We crave security and coziness rather than discomfort and struggle, but it’s only by facing the latter that we can truly grow and evolve. I have always seen this process like dealing with an infected wound: yes, it hurts to tear the bandage off and get the pus out, but real healing begins immediately after doing so.
