11 Reasons To Try Dating Someone You're Not Physically Attracted To

You might feel like dating someone you’re not physically attracted to is a waste of time.

That couldn’t be further from the truth!

We live in such an appearance-focused society that we can easily forget about a person’s value beyond their looks.

There are lots of reasons to get to know someone you’re not instantly attracted to, and they’re not all about finding your perfect partner.

Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you decide whether to date a person you are not that attracted to (and how long to give it if you decide to try). You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.

Why Should I Date Someone I’m Not Attracted To?

1. You might really get on.

Even if you do not find your date physically attractive, you might still enjoy getting to know them.

If you have similar values and interests, you’ll probably enjoy their company a lot more than sitting and staring at someone and thinking about how attractive they are!

If you’ve met or matched with them, there’s clearly something that attracted you to them—focus on their personality and what you like about them, not just how they look.

2. Looks aren’t everything.

Many people spend their time swiping on dating apps, making snap judgments based on people’s appearances, scrolling through Instagram, and adding filters to their photos to make themselves look ‘better.’

But there is more to being attractive than how someone looks!

The more open you are to getting to know someone, the more likely you are to find a genuine connection and someone who is a good match for you in the long term.

You’re not shallow for wanting to be with someone attractive, but an emotional connection matters more in the end.

3. You can be more yourself.

When we find someone very physically attractive, we become more self-conscious.

You’re probably a lot more focused on how you come across when on a date with someone you fancy, because you want them to fancy you too!

Perhaps you present a different version of yourself or go along with what you think they want you to be because you’re so keen to impress them.

By dating someone you’re not physically attracted to, you’re likely to feel a lot less pressure to ‘perform’ and you can just be yourself and chill.

Less pressure can also help you overcome any dating anxiety you might have.

4. It lets you get to know them.

When we’re attracted to how someone looks, we can overlook their personality.

We get distracted by how much we want to kiss them and don’t pay enough attention to what they are saying or the personality traits they are demonstrating.

We’re also more likely to rush into something physical if we’re very attracted to someone.

If you take the time to get to know someone that you’re not physically attracted to, you’ll be talking a lot more, having deeper conversations, and getting to know who they are behind their looks.

5. Your usual type doesn’t work anyway.

So, you might not instantly think they’re super hot, but, realistically, how many times has that ended well for you?

A lot of us have a type, but, if we’re being honest with ourselves, our type isn’t always right for us.

It’s worth meeting other people and seeing how different a relationship could be if you stop going for your usual type and branch out a bit.

6. You’ve got nothing to lose.

The only real risk of dating someone you’re not attracted to is spending an evening with someone that doesn’t go that well.

And really bad dates are quite rare anyway—it’ll probably be enjoyable in some way.

As long as you don’t lie or lead the other person on, you may as well hang out with them and get to know them more. You might be pleasantly surprised.

7. You’ll learn something about yourself.

By spending time with someone you might not normally date, you’ll be forced to have new conversations and think about different things.

Maybe you’ll feel less nervous than normal and can be more open about things you love that you might normally try to hide from someone you fancy.

You might learn more about yourself and the things you’re keen on when you have the opportunity to talk freely and explore different subjects.

8. Attraction can grow.

Attraction can take time to develop, so don’t feel disappointed if there aren’t any fireworks on the first date.

They might have been nervous and less confident than they normally are, so it’s worth giving them a second chance and seeing how another date goes.

You might end up finding their personality so attractive that the physical attraction blossoms over time.

If you enjoy spending time with them, they make you laugh, and you feel good when you’re with them, it’s worth seeing if the physical attraction grows.

9. You might make a new friend.

You might get to know your date more and realize that the physical attraction just won’t happen.

This is completely fine, and you shouldn’t feel any pressure to force it! But you might find that you both want to be friends still because you have lots in common.

As long as you’re both honest about how you feel and you’re not stringing the other person along, coming away with a new friendship is a good outcome.

10. Love isn’t just physical.

Love isn’t just about wanting to sleep with someone—that’s lust!

It’s easy to get confused by how your feelings should… feel.

Not everyone is going to give you fireworks and make you want to jump on them, and that’s okay.

You can have healthy relationships with people even if their looks don’t quite match what you thought your dream partner would be like.

11. It helps you figure out what you don’t want.

Sometimes, you need to experience something that doesn’t work for you in order to realize what you’re really looking for.

If you’re not attracted to someone and it doesn’t end in a relationship, you can still come away from it with more awareness of what does work for you and what kind of partner you’re looking for.

——

Dating someone you’re not physically attracted to can be a great way to learn more about yourself. And it gives you the chance to get to know people you might normally overlook.

You’ll probably have a fun time, even if it’s platonic and doesn’t go anywhere romantic.

If you come out of this with a friend, you’ve still gained something.

If you’re pleasantly surprised and end up falling for them? Even better.

Still not sure what to do about your attraction (or lack thereof) for someone? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can you fall in love with someone you’re not physically attracted to?

Yes, you definitely can fall in love with someone you’re not physically attracted to.

While physical attraction is important and is a ‘nice to have’ aspect of a healthy relationship, it is not the only or the most important thing.

There is also emotional connection and intellectual appeal. When a person scores highly in these areas, you will find their looks have far less influence on your feelings for them.

Should I keep dating a nice guy I’m not attracted to?

Don’t date a guy just because he’s nice or because you’re attracted to him. ‘Being nice’ is the bare minimum you should expect from a romantic partner and physical attraction can grow.

Instead, date him because you have similar interests or you like his personality.

Don’t rule a nice guy out because you weren’t automatically physically attracted to him when you first saw him. Give your attraction to them time to develop.

Get to know him on an intellectual level. Let yourself have a chance to form an emotional connection with him.

You may find that the physical attraction develops after a while. If not, you’ve allowed yourself the opportunity to make a new friend.

While it is okay to date a guy you are not initially attracted to, it is not a good idea to commit to a relationship with someone you do not find in the least bit attractive. Some physical attraction—even if it’s just a little bit—is usually required for most couples to sustain a relationship to begin with.

What should I do if I like someone’s personality but not their looks?

If you like someone’s personality but you’re not into their looks, give them a chance and yourself some time for physical attraction to align with your emotional or intellectual connection with them.

A study titled, Personality Goes a Long Way: The Malleability of Opposite-Sex Physical Attractiveness showed that judgments concerning the physical attractiveness of a person of the opposite sex can change after one learns more about the personality of the individual.

The results also supported the premise that the desirability of a person’s personality leads to greater desirability as a friend, which then leads to greater desirability as a dating partner, and finally leads to the person being viewed as more physically attractive.

Basically, the more you get to know a person, the more you like them as a friend and then as a romantic partner.

Should I go for looks or personality?

If you go for looks alone and have nothing else in common with the person you are dating, you’ll quickly realize that outside the bedroom, there is no real relationship.

This can cause things to quickly fizzle out.

But if you prioritize personality, there’s a chance that their looks will grow on you.

When it comes to the important qualities that sustain a relationship, anyone in a healthy long-term relationship will tell you that looks are one of the least (if not the least) important factors.

Much more important are things like values, communication skills, friendship, and so on.

An online study of 20 countries supports the argument of personality over looks. In nearly every country surveyed, men and women valued personality over looks.

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