“I always give women/men everything they want, and I still get nothing. Why?”
If you’re asking yourself this question, you might be ruining your chances of finding love by being a simp.
What is a simp?
Simp is a slang word that describes a person who is too submissive and attentive to women or men, most often because they hope to win some sexual attention, while these women and men usually aren’t interested.
Sound familiar?
So, are you a simp? You will find out from the signs below, and later you’ll read about how to stop being a simp.
But first, you need to know something: simp is not an insult. Simp is just a word that describes your approach to women or men. It is something that you can work on to have better relationships.
While there’s nothing wrong with being attentive to the object of your affection, or even being a bit submissive, if you are in this position with someone who’s not interested in you and your sole aim is to get sexual attention from them, you’re simping, and it’s bad for you.
Let’s check to see if you really are a simp, and then we’ll explore how you can stop being one.
How To Stop Being A Simp
It is a good idea to seek professional help from one of the experts at Relationship Hero as counseling can be highly effective in helping individuals to improve their mindset regarding relationships and finding a partner.
1. Don’t always drop everything for them.
Never make yourself too available to a person, especially if they’re not interested in you.
This doesn’t mean that you need to ignore them to get their attention, just don’t always drop everything for them. Sure, you can be there for them when they really need you, but the keyword here is “really.”
When they just want to hang out, and you have other things to do, do those things! If you’re always just a phone call away, they might conclude that you’re desperate.
Find a hobby, spend time with your family and friends, and have a life. If that life needs you at the same time the person you like does, prioritize your life.
2. Don’t do too many favors too often.
Do you always try to tend to their every need and obey their every request even though you’re not in a relationship with them? This behavior wouldn’t earn their respect even if you were in a relationship with them.
Doing too many favors too often will just make you look desperate and like you have nothing better to do, especially if they didn’t ask for them.
Think about it, have they ever done anything for you that’s even remotely close to what you do for them? Start asking for favors instead of constantly doing them.
3. Work on self-improvement.
Doing everything you can to please someone just to get a compliment from them will make you look insecure and needy. Seeking validation is not attractive. Not needing anyone’s approval is.
If you’re desperate for women’s or men’s approval, start working on your self-esteem. You need to believe that you’re worthy of admiration for others to admire and respect you, and you can’t fake self-esteem, so work on it.
Focus on self-improvement instead of on simping, and you might stop being a simp! Read books, hit the gym, get out of your comfort zone, and work on liking yourself more.
4. Communicate your boundaries.
Simps often feel used, but the problem is that they don’t know how to set healthy boundaries.
You can’t blame a person for disrespecting your boundaries if you never communicated them. It’s best to set boundaries early on in the relationship, but the important part is to stick to them.
Make a person aware of your boundaries as soon as possible and speak up if they try to overstep them. If you don’t like them talking to their ex or you don’t enjoy shopping with them, say that loud and clear! Staying silent about these things is how simps allow women/men in their lives to manipulate them.
5. Don’t neglect your friends and family.
If you are in a serious relationship, your partner should be a priority to you. However, if you’re not at that stage yet, it’s perfectly fine to prioritize your friends and family instead.
If you’re watching the game with your friends or attending a family gathering and the person you like calls to hang out—say no! Don’t ditch your loved ones for a person that may or may not be interested in you.
6. Don’t give women/men compliments all the time.
Simps have a need to shower women/men with compliments and attention whenever they get the opportunity to do so. Knowing how and when to compliment a girl or a guy makes you attractive. Drooling over every guy or a girl you meet just makes you look desperate and maybe even creepy.
So, don’t give women/men compliments all the time, and don’t think it will get them to sleep with you.
Simps have a lot of traits that are usually attractive, however, the problem is that simps overdo it to the point that it’s not chivalrous or flirtatious, just desperate.
7. Don’t be a stalker on social media.
You should keep your cool on social media too. Don’t like all of their photos and/or comment on everything they post. Avoid liking a five-year-old post, and don’t compliment them too much on social media either.
Doing these things puts you in a pile of guys/girls that they see as nothing more than fans, or even worse, stalkers.
Chances are, the guy or the girl that they actually like doesn’t interact with their social media profile at all, just communicates with them through messages.
8. Don’t try too hard.
Trying too hard to get a girl or a guy to like you just pushes them even further away from you.
How do you get a person to like you though? Well, grand gestures obviously don’t work as well as you expected based on the Hollywood movies and romance books.
The truth is, people do like grand gestures, but only when they already like you. When they don’t, it might even freak them out.
So, just be yourself, have your own life, and radiate confidence. This will help your love life much more than trying too hard.
9. Don’t overdo it with chivalry and/or being romantic.
Being chivalrous is desirable and attractive, however, only in certain amounts. Simps often overdo it with chivalrous gestures to the point that it doesn’t feel natural, and it makes a person feel awkward.
For instance, you should hold the door for her, but don’t also give her flowers, take her coat, pull the chair for her, and order the meal for her. If you overdo it with chivalrous gestures, you’re not going to look like a gentleman, just a simp.
In a different example, maybe you like a guy, so you write him a poem and buy him a gift. While this would certainly be very thoughtful and affectionate of you if you’re in a long-term relationship, doing it when someone might not even be interested in you could make them feel weird about it.
10. Get to know a woman/man on a deeper level.
There’s something that people hate about simps that simps don’t even realize. Simps basically like every girl or guy they meet instantly, and overwhelmingly, without ever bothering to get to know them on a deeper level. It’s like they already won you simply by being a woman or a man.
Don’t fall in love with every person you meet as soon as you see that they’re attractive. Learn more about them before deciding that you’re interested in them.
Being instantly interested in every attractive woman or man just makes you seem shallow and desperate.
11. Be okay with being single.
Don’t be desperate to find a person willing to sleep with you. You don’t need to find your other half in order to be complete.
Be fine with being alone, and don’t be desperate to get into a relationship with every guy or girl you meet.
Rejection hurts simps more than other people because they’re not fine with staying single. They’re desperate to get into a relationship, and their potential partners can smell their desperation—it’s a big turn off.
You’d be much more likely to find a relationship if you stopped wanting to get into one so much.
12. Find a guy or a girl who actually likes you.
Stop chasing those who aren’t interested in you. If someone rejects you, don’t keep clinging to them in the hope that they’ll change their mind if you show them enough attention and affection.
It doesn’t work that way.
Before you shower a person with your attention and affection, make sure that they like you back. Even then, maybe wait until you’re in a serious relationship to unload all that love onto them.
The point is, find a person who actually likes you, not the person that keeps rejecting you while you give them everything you’ve got.
13. Know that your attention is more valuable when you don’t give it away.
Rare things are more valuable. If you give away your attention to any woman/man willing to receive it, they will never appreciate your attention or yearn for it. People want your attention when you don’t give it away easily and in huge amounts.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if, for once, a woman/man would chase you instead of stringing you along? Then you need to make them want your attention, and they’re not going to want it if you freely give it away and shower them with it. Consider your attention valuable and give it accordingly.
14. Value your time.
You should also value your time. People don’t respect your time because you don’t respect it either. Be selfish with your time, and don’t come running whenever a girl/guy waves to you while passing by.
Have better things to do than hold their bag while they’re checking out other potential matches. Don’t be too available and make people appreciate time with you by not giving it away easily.
15. Don’t let women/men use you.
People often use simps, but this is usually because they’re practically asking to be used. When you give away your time, energy, and money without asking for anything in return, people will take advantage of you.
Yes, you should give these things to a man/woman, but only when he/she is reciprocating. They don’t have to give you exactly what you’re giving them, but they have to show that they want to make you happy and are interested in you.
Otherwise, you’re just giving them the permission to use you.
16. Learn to stand up for yourself.
Simps find it hard to say “no” and people usually push them around. If women/men don’t respect you, they’re not going to be attracted to you. So, you need to stand up for yourself and speak your mind, no matter how much you like a girl/guy.
Don’t let others push you into situations that you don’t want to be in. Learn to say no and be assertive and confident.
17. Be slow to invest in a person.
If you are a simp, you likely give anything to a woman or a man as soon as they show you a crumb of attention and affection. Don’t do this.
Be slow when investing in a relationship. Take your time to learn more about them and get to know their flaws before concluding that they’re the one you want to invest in.
That’s right, it’s not just girls/guys that are deciding whether they want to be with you. You should take some time to decide whether you want to be with them!
What’s more, slowing down a bit gives a woman/man a chance to chase you instead.
18. Be scarce and give women/men a chance to chase you.
When you come rushing with your heart in your hands as soon as she/he winks at you, she/he is not going to be interested, and they are definitely not going to chase you.
Be scarce, and don’t give away your attention, time, money, energy, and affection so easily.
Some of the women/men you chased might have chased you instead if only you gave them enough time to do so! Give them a reason to by not giving away your resources.
19. Put your self-respect above any woman/man.
You need to be okay with not talking to a woman/man you like for days, and they’ll want to talk to you more. But, more importantly, put your dignity and self-respect above any guy or a girl.
Be fine with kicking them out of your life if they disrespect you or repeatedly ignore your boundaries. You can’t bluff this, you really need to have enough self-respect, and you must prioritize it.
A therapist could assist you with this, so consider talking to someone and getting help in self-improvement.
20. Be in control of the dynamic of the relationship.
Simps always let women/men set and control the dynamic of the relationship. If they want you to be their partner, you’ll be their partner, if they want you to be their friend, you’ll be their friend, if they want a casual relationship, you’ll be in a casual relationship.
It’s like you’re fine with whatever you get, but you secretly keep hoping to get what you really want. Don’t hope, demand. If you know what you want, and what the woman/man is offering is not that, don’t settle for it!
21. Be intentional and take risks.
You must be intentional from the start. If you are interested in someone, don’t be their friend. Flirt with them right away and confidently let them know that you’re interested while trying to figure out whether they qualify.
Be ready to take risks and test if you can push things further if they are receptive.
In order for this to get you into a relationship and not in jail, you need to read their body language and know the limits, but still test if they would be fine with you pushing them.
Don’t turn this into a job though. Remember to play it cool and have fun, whichever way things go.
22. Prioritize yourself.
If you don’t appreciate your efforts more than you value the person, they won’t appreciate your efforts either. You must prioritize yourself to have the respect, appreciation, and intimacy that you crave.
Once you are in a serious relationship, your girlfriend/boyfriend will be grateful that you often put her/him first. But even then, you shouldn’t put yourself last.
Most importantly, don’t ever prioritize a person before being in a relationship with them. Prioritize yourself and your own needs for a change!
23. Don’t focus on one woman/man if you’re not in a relationship with her/him.
It doesn’t hurt that much when someone rejects you if you already have other options. And you’re not obligated to be devoted and loyal to a person that you’re not in a relationship with, especially if they’ve made it clear that they’re not interested.
Save your devotion and loyalty for serious relationships, and while you’re still single, see what’s out there—don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
Avoid becoming some girl’s/guy’s friend-zoned fan who fails to notice other girls/guys.
24. Work on your social life.
A better social life will put you in contact with more potential partners and make you seem more attractive. So, stop obsessing over your love life and work on your social life instead.
Simps are often socially awkward, and this is one of the reasons why they strike out with guys/girls.
Stop overvaluing interactions with your preferred gender and start valuing the importance of having friends; real friends of the gender that you’re not interested in, to be specific.
Being more social will also help you improve your communication skills, which will come in handy with the ladies/fellas.
25. Be genuine.
When you’re not intentional and direct with your actions and words, you will secretly hope for something that you never clearly communicated. This means that, while you will give women/men attention and affection, they will sense that you’re not being genuine.
After all, you just want to get something from them, and that’s why you’re doing it. When you do kind things for others, do it because you want to, not to get them to like you back.
26. Know what you want and what you don’t want.
Being someone’s backup option, the third wheel, or getting placed in the friend zone often happens because you don’t know what you want. Or maybe you do know what you want, but you don’t act accordingly.
If you wouldn’t agree to anything other than what you want, how would you ever end up in the friend zone? Know what you want and what you don’t want and stick to it.
Learn how to stop being a simp and you will get what you want, not what you’re willing to settle for.
Still not sure how to stop simping?
Speak to an experienced relationship expert rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can listen to you and offer tailored advice to help you adapt your thinking and behavior with regards to attracting a partner.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
While you can try to work through this situation yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to solve problems that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, speaking to a relationship expert is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.
10 Signs You’re Simping
1. The person you want doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
It’s fine to be attentive and put yourself in a submissive position to a person who loves you. Hey, if it works for you, love each other however you want!
But, if the person doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, what are you gaining from all this? You’re just simping, in the hopes that they’ll eventually feel obligated to repay you for everything you do for them.
Will they though? Probably not.
Most likely, they’ll put you in the friend zone, and/or use you.
Besides, you shouldn’t have an ulterior motive for treating people with kindness and respect, but more on that later.
For now, you should know that, if the object of your affection doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, you’re not going to change that by being a simp.
2. You would do anything to impress a potential partner.
A simp would do anything to impress their preferred gender and please the person they like. Sometimes they do this by making grand gestures, while other times they buy the person expensive gifts.
While there’s nothing wrong with being romantic and giving gifts, if a person doesn’t like you back, they could perceive this differently than you wish they would.
Whether a person sees a gesture as romantic or creepy often depends on their feelings for the person who’s making the gesture, or the lack of feelings. So, the same gesture that would look sweet and thoughtful to someone who cares about you could look desperate and even creepy to the person who’s not interested in you.
Another problem is that, while simps do some desirable things, they often overdo them. So, while it would be okay to try to win someone over by giving them a red rose, sending 100 of them to the person who rejected you looks a lot different.
3. You put yourself in an inferior position to your preferred gender.
Let’s face it, you let women/men walk all over you without ever standing up for yourself and confronting them.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to put your pride aside for the person you love, but being a pushover is not what that means.
Now, if you prefer to be more submissive and find a partner who is fine with that, that’s okay!
However, you put yourself in an inferior position to all women/men, as if all of them are somehow better than you just because they’re women/men.
This costs you a lot of potential relationships. Being more on the submissive side is NOT the same as letting women/men walk all over you.
4. You are too devoted to a person who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
Giving most of your time, money, and energy to a person you love is fine, even great, but only if the person loves you back and gives back.
If they friend-zoned you and you’re investing all that, and clinging on to that person despite their lack of interest in you, you’re simping.
You’re hoping that it will get them to change their mind, but in reality, you’re digging yourself even deeper into the friend zone.
Think about it, if they’re getting all that from you without needing to give anything back, and without even asking you for it, why would they reciprocate?
When you have to work for something, you value it more. But when it’s served on a silver platter and shoved in your face, you take it for granted or don’t want it at all.
5. You are using kindness to get something back, preferably sexual attention.
The problem with simps is not that they are kind to their preferred gender; it’s that they’re not being genuine. The motivation for their kindness is usually the hope of getting laid.
Maybe they know that they aren’t going to get sex, but they would prefer some sexual attention for their efforts, and that’s why they make those efforts in the first place.
People can be nice and polite, but simps are using being nice and courteous as a tool and a trick to get women or men to like them and give them sexual attention. Once they realize that they’re not going to get anything in return, they can even be rude and aggressive.
6. You put women/men on a pedestal.
How do you see women/men? Are they all worthy of your respect just because they’re women/men?
Don’t get me wrong, you should respect both genders, but overvaluing and obeying someone you don’t know just because of their gender is pure simping.
You probably put women/men on a pedestal and see them as some sort of higher beings than you, and this is very wrong. Women are people, just like men. You are supposed to respect them, but as human beings, not some magical creatures that are better than you in every way just because of their gender.
7. You always defend women/men and get protective even if they don’t need help.
Have you heard about White Knight Syndrome? You might want to read a bit about it. Do you regularly defend people of your preferred gender that you don’t know, whether it’s in real life or online? You might think that this is chivalrous of you, but it might actually indicate that you’re a simp.
White Knight Syndrome describes people who feel compelled to rescue others, often at the cost of their own needs, and frequently without the others asking for help.
Do you get protective when a woman/man is verbally attacked, even if you don’t know her/him? Your need to protect unknown women/men might even be what’s stopping you from having successful relationships with them.
8. You get friend-zoned a lot.
Simps usually get friend-zoned and don’t understand why it always happens to them.
Most often, they don’t let being friend-zoned stop them from showering these women or men with attention and affection…which just leaves them locked in the friend zone forever.
So, if you frequently find yourself rejected as a potential romantic partner and placed in the friend zone with the other hopeful guys/girls, you’re probably a simp.
9. You have low self-esteem and put yourself last.
If you’re in a relationship with someone, you will always put their needs ahead of your own. However, you do this even when you’re not in a relationship with this person.
They’re not interested in you, but you put them first because you always put yourself last. This is probably because of low self-esteem, which is another indicator that you’re a simp.
Simps are comfortable in a position inferior to their preferred gender because they don’t think of themselves as worthy or good enough. They’re desperate for female or male attention and seek validation to boost their confidence.
10. Sex is your main goal.
The biggest problem about being a simp is that you’re not being genuine. Yes, you are kind and attentive to women/men, but this is usually just an attempt to get sexual attention.
In fact, sex is your main goal in any interaction with your preferred gender, and you think that simping is a way to get it.
It doesn’t work though, and people can sense when you’re insincere and desperate. You still persist in doing favors for them and expect something in return.
Simps usually go the extra mile for their preferred gender, but not without wanting something in return.
You may also like:
- How To Stop Being A “Nice” Guy: 8 Tips That Actually Work!
- How To Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back
- Unrequited Love: Signs, Dealing With & Lessons
- How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone: 16 Tips That Actually Work!
- 16 Big Reasons Why Some Girls Like Bad Boys
