“Why don’t people like me?”
Fact: not everybody will like you all of the time!
That’s just human nature.
We’re all different in so many ways: from the way we were raised to the way we choose to dress and from our hobbies to our chosen field of work.
It’s unsurprising, then, that some people just don’t gel.
Maybe sometimes you’re left with a feeling that you could have done or said something differently, but, trust me, it’s not always about you!
That’s an important point to remember because no matter what efforts you make to adapt your behavior, there will always be people who take exception to you personally.
That said, if you genuinely feel that fewer people like you than dislike you (and that bothers you), then perhaps a bit of time spent delving into the potential reasons why would be time well spent.
1. You talk too much.
A good conversation is most definitely a two-way street.
If you dominate the conversation and fail to give others the chance to express their own opinions, they’ll end up frustrated and resentful.
The truth is, the best conversationalist is actually a really good listener!
So remember to ask sincere questions about what’s going on in the lives of people you talk to.
And listen attentively to their response!
Read more: How To Stop Talking Too Much: 11 Highly Effective Tips!
2. You like to show off.
No one likes a bragger!
If your life is perfect and you’re so darn smart or rich or successful, there’s no excuse for ramming your supposed superiority down the throats of other mere mortals.
The reality is that most people find life a pretty hard slog…
…so it’s hardly surprising that they’re less than impressed, or even openly hostile, toward anyone who makes a habit of stressing their many accomplishments or flaunting their new car or photos of their exotic vacations.
You’ll gain people’s respect if you resist the urge to highlight your successes and focus more on the achievements of others.
3. You dodge the blame.
We all make mistakes. Of course, we do.
And when we make a mistake, the best way to move on from it is to face up to it, apologize, and hopefully learn from the unfortunate experience.
So if you consistently fail to admit when you are wrong and, worse still, argue till you’re blue in the face that it was someone else who made the error, you’re going to lose friends fast.
Fessing up and apologizing might be unpleasant sometimes, but it is always the right course of action.
4. You bully or intimidate others.
Whether at home or at work, one of the quickest ways to lose friends and lose all respect is to fall into the trap of flexing your metaphorical muscles and picking on others who behave differently or have opinions that are at odds with your own.
Not only will those you intimidate not like you (for obvious reasons), but people who witness your harassment of those poor individuals will conclude that you’re a nasty piece of work who they shouldn’t get involved with.
5. You have poor personal hygiene.
Sorry to bring this down to the subject of bodily smells, but niffy armpits, stinky breath, or general un-cleanliness in our 21st-century Western society won’t win you any friends.
There’s little or no excuse for anyone to leave home in grubby clothes without showering, brushing their teeth, and combing their hair.
It ultimately boils down to courtesy to others because, even if you can’t smell yourself, poor personal hygiene produces some pretty rank odors.
6. You complain a lot.
For many of us, life probably involves more struggles than wins.
But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to bend the ear of anyone who’ll listen about all the crap you’re dealing with.
Generally speaking, people prefer those who remain positive in the face of adversity.
The glass-half-full peddlers are likely to be way more popular than the glass-half-empty ones!
People don’t want to hear your moaning and nor do they want to be friends with a bitter person.
If you do need to rant (and we all do sometimes), do so with a friend and ask permission before you do.
7. You gossip.
On the face of it, sharing gossip would appear to be a great way of making sure you’re with the ‘in’ crowd.
If you know some juicy nugget about another person, being the one to divulge that information to others will possibly raise your popularity in the short term.
Take note, though, that I said in the short term.
Because spreading gossip will offend people and, sooner or later, you’ll be confronted about your bad habit.
Once you get a reputation as a gossip, few people will want to associate with you since they won’t trust you to keep anything they say secret.
8. You are hypercritical.
When your own standards of achievement are exceptionally high and you accept nothing but the best when it comes to your own performance, it’s very easy to put down others whose level of attainment falls below your lofty expectations.
And if you’re seen as someone who never gives praise or encouragement and is too ready with a harsh comment, then you’ll soon find your peer group deserting you.
Sure, give constructive advice framed carefully with positive overtones, but hypercritical put-downs will gain you no friends at all.
9. You’re always late.
If you regularly arrive late for things and don’t give a second thought to any inconvenience this may cause to others, people will avoid you.
It’s not okay to stroll in 10 minutes late, particularly if you don’t even apologize for your tardiness.
Other people’s time is valuable, so show courtesy to others by arriving on time. People will respect you for it.
10. You like to be in control.
Genuine friendship must involve an element of compromise. They get their way sometimes; you get your way at other times.
If you like to control the situation to your own advantage or preference every time, why would other people want to engage with you?
It’s frustrating to socialize with you because everything has to be on your terms, which is why people don’t like you very much.
11. You tell others what they should do.
You have an opinion on everyone else’s life, and they don’t have a choice whether they want to hear it.
Instead, you preach from your metaphorical pulpit telling others how they should live their life.
You express your thoughts in such a forceful way that the other person feels condescended to, as if they can’t take responsibility for their own life.
The end result: no one really listens to what you have to say.
12. You hold a grudge.
No matter how close the friendship, two people are unlikely to go through life without rubbing one another up the wrong way.
But most people are eventually able to look beyond that hurt and let bygones be bygones.
You, on the other hand, hold onto the wrong and you don’t let go. You let your friendships degrade over silly little things until you have no close friends left.
Read more: How To Stop Holding Grudges: 8 Things That Actually Work
13. You’re closed-minded.
Being open to the opinions of others is a sign of emotional maturity.
But you are unable to consider the potential value or truth in a view that conflicts with your own.
You are so self-righteous that you proceed to tell anyone with a dissenting opinion how wrong they are and how foolish they are to believe such a thing.
And you can find something to argue about with almost anyone.
14. You’re a drama queen.
Everyone has their own dramas in life. But some people have more and bigger dramas than others.
You? Well, your dramas are legendary.
Everything in your life is a drama. Everything is a problem or a fight or something that needs to be dealt with.
Being around you is exhausting because drama takes such an emotional investment.
It’s no surprise that people don’t like you.
15. You’re a cheapskate.
If you are someone who has sufficient money yet refuses to spend it on anything, it’s going to cause friction between you and others.
Perhaps you don’t want to chip in for a tip at the restaurant. Or maybe you refuse to upgrade seats at the movies, even though the rest of your party wants to.
When your frugality prevents others from doing something they would like to do, it becomes a problem.
People will begin to resent you if your tight purse strings stand in the way of their enjoyment all the time. They’ll just stop inviting you to things.
16. You’re a snob.
On the other end of the spectrum from the cheapskate is the snob.
Perhaps you only wear designer labels and look down on your friends for wearing more affordable clothes.
Maybe you belittle them for choosing a house red when you’re drinking a vintage bottle at five times the price.
Snobs make other people feel bad. If you are a snob, you are probably pushing people away without realizing it.
17. To sum it all up…
But if you want to have more friends and rise up in the popularity stakes so you can feel secure as a member of a ‘tribe,’ you need to learn to play by the rules.
You can’t easily change your personality since much of it is hard-wired into your DNA, but you can change the way you behave.
If any of the things mentioned above chime with you, then setting about correcting that behavior will be the first step on the road to a better—and more popular—version of you.
