These things can cause a man to pull away.
Your man is pulling away from you.
He is withdrawing into himself.
You are left wondering why…
He was certainly acting interested.
In fact, you’re pretty sure he likes you more than he lets on.
So why is he acting distant all of a sudden?
Why, after getting close to you, is he now backing off?
That’s what we hope to answer in this article.
First, it is worth noting that not all men do this. And some women act in this way too.
And it doesn’t only happen in the early stages of a relationship – guys will sometimes pull away for a time even in a committed relationship.
So let’s explore some of the reasons why men withdraw from their partner.
1. He is scared of his own feelings.
One of the reasons why men pull away is because they are afraid of the feelings they have. The fear, insecurity, or anxiety surrounding those emotions makes them withdraw to figure out what they want.
Whether or not they were actively searching for love when you met them, the feeling of suddenly falling for someone is full of uncertainty.
Some men simply find this difficult to process.
These men are not as in touch with their feelings as others might be, and not compared to most women either.
They might find the thought of a relationship very appealing, but the emotions that come with it are harder for them to get their heads around.
So they take some time away to work through these emotions.
Only, they probably don’t communicate this to you. They just become more elusive physically and emotionally.
2. He is scared of commitment.
Some men find the idea of staying loyal to a single person quite foreign.
Perhaps they are still young and want to ‘play the field’ before settling down.
Maybe they enjoy the early throes of a romantic entanglement and ‘the chase’ of a love interest, but not what comes after.
A man might never have had a serious long term relationship and is unaware of what it involves – so he just pulls away and prevents it from reaching that stage.
His upbringing may also have a role to play, especially if his parents separated during his childhood.
3. He is clinging on to his independence.
A relationship requires dedication, time, and effort. It inevitably takes you away from some of the things you currently enjoy.
For some men, this process of two becoming one (figuratively, at least) represents a loss of freedom and independence.
And if a man particularly values these things, he may withdraw in a bid to cling on to them.
This is especially true for guys who were not actively looking for a relationship when they met you.
Sure, they might enjoy the time they spend with you, but they may also yearn for times when they could do what they want, when they want.
They might pull away and spend more time by themselves in order to figure out what their heart really values most.
4. He’s scared of getting hurt.
Past relationships can leave emotional scars and baggage which cause a man to distance himself before he commits his heart and risks further hurt.
If he previously had a partner who broke up with him when he was in love with them, it can make him afraid of experiencing similar heartache again.
This is certainly not just confined to men. Many women can feel this way too.
In this case, pulling away is a form of defense mechanism designed to protect himself.
Let’s face it, when they are falling in love, a person can do all sorts of strange things. Sometimes this manifests as self-sabotage.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have feelings for you, but it does mean he isn’t sure how to act on those feelings.
5. It’s all got a bit too intense for him.
Some relationships go from zero to sixty very quickly.
As much as he might like that in his cars, he might not be so keen on it when it comes to dating.
The feelings between you and the way you spend so much time together might be a little bit too much too soon.
The relationship might be moving too fast for him.
So he pushes back and withdraws a little bit as his way of putting the brakes on things.
He might just be more comfortable taking things slowly.
6. He needs to recharge his masculinity.
Relationships change people to a certain extent. In a man’s case, it tends to make them more vulnerable and more emotionally expressive (though not always).
This can feel very unfamiliar to many men and their natural reaction might be to fight against it.
They might feel the need to pull away in order to recharge their ‘man battery’ doing the kinds of things men enjoy.
They may retreat to a place of comfort and masculinity – both literally and figuratively.
This place is often referred to as a ‘man cave’ where men do manly things, often with other men.
In the early stages of a relationship, this might mean he spends more time at his place without you.
Or he might call upon his male friends to indulge in some stereotypically male-dominated pastimes such as sports, video games, or to have a beer or two.
The latter is common in more established relationships where a couple lives together and the man doesn’t have a separate space to call his own.
Regardless, this time away from the woman in his life allows him to reconnect with a part of his identity that may be ‘weakened’ by the relationship.
7. He’s got other stresses in his life.
When a guy pulls away, sometimes it has nothing to do with you or the relationship.
He pulls away because he has a lot of stress in other areas of his life.
Perhaps his boss is asking a lot of him and, being the ambitious person he is, he doesn’t want to let them down.
Or maybe he is having some issues with his family and this is taking an emotional toll.
He could be facing health issues that you’re not aware of.
And there’s the chance that he’s got money worries.
If the relationship is still in its early stages, he may not feel able or willing to confide in you.
He may worry that these things would simply scare you away or make you doubt the long term prospects for the relationship.
So he hides them away and distances himself a little to avoid you finding out.
8. He feels he doesn’t deserve love and happiness.
Some people have such low self-esteem and self-worth that they simply can’t understand why anyone would love them.
Perhaps your guy is one such person.
He might be pulling away because he’s sure that you don’t love him and that he doesn’t deserve the happiness he might feel when with you.
He might carry emotional scars or baggage that he can’t see past in terms of your relationship and future together.
In fact, the more serious things get between you, the more he begins to doubt himself as a worthy partner and lover. If he began to withdraw soon after you made your feelings for him clear, this could be the reason.
9. He’s worried about losing his identity.
One of the reasons why men pull away is because they are worried about losing their identity. They might feel confident in who they are now and fear the changes that might happen if they get into a relationship with you.
Before you came along, he was (presumably) single for a least a little while, and possibly a long while.
During his single days, he developed an identity around that particular relationship status.
Whether or not he actually enjoyed being single, he identified with it and knew how to live his life as that person. He had routines and hobbies and people that he used to see all the time.
Now that you’re on the scene and he’s no longer single (or that prospect is looming large as things get serious), he might be withdrawing into the life and the person he used to be because he’s worried he’ll have to give up certain things that he doesn’t want to give up.
Perhaps his old life feels so comfortable and familiar that he’s worried about losing that.
10. He’s confusing lust for love… and it’s fading.
If you’ve been with this guy for a little while and he’s only now started to pull away from you, it could be that the intense physical connection he feels with you is beginning to fade.
That’s a part of the normal progression of a relationship, but it can be quite confusing if you’re not aware of what it really means.
He might have mistaken lust for love. And now that the lust is fading slowly, but surely, he’s convinced himself that you’re not right for each other because love hasn’t yet fully developed to take the place of the lust.
He’s caught up in the myth that you have to feel intense feelings for someone at all times if you are going to work as a couple, when the truth is that feelings ebb and flow all the time in even the most happy and committed relationships.
11. He’s just too busy.
Okay, so you might say that if he really cared for you, he’d make the time, but life isn’t always that simple.
If he has a lot of other big time commitments that he is simply not willing or able to drop, he might not feel able to fit a relationship with you into the mix.
Him withdrawing might not be because he wants to, but simply because he can’t keep up the digital and physical communication with you.
If he’s working two jobs, sharing childcare with an ex-partner, and helping look after an elderly relative, he might just be exhausted.
It might be a case of right person, wrong time… unfortunately.
12. He’s exploring other options.
If you’ve not yet agreed to become an exclusive couple, he might feel like dating other people is still okay.
And, inevitably, if he’s spending time with other people, he’s spending less time with you.
It’s not only the time commitment where you might see a difference, but also on the emotional side too. If he’s exploring his feelings for others, he might pull back a bit from you in an emotional sense.
13. He’s not as into you as you thought.
This is probably only a possible reason in relationships that are fairly new, but he might just not be as interested as you think.
That might be hard to hear, but many men are not great when it comes to communicating their true feelings during the dating phase.
So rather than talk to you and make it clear that they don’t want to pursue things further, they just distance themselves in the hope that you’ll reach that conclusion by yourself.
It sucks, but you’ve probably had a lucky escape if this is the case.
