You can learn to be charming.
Being charming is one of those things that some people just seem to do effortlessly. For others, it’s a frustrating struggle. Wherever you’re up to in your charm school education, we’ve got some great pointers to speed up the process.
1. Be genuine.
There’s not much point being charming if it means compromising your personality.
Whilst there are ways that you can make improvements or become more confident in aspects of yourself, you shouldn’t ever have to change how you are entirely.
This also means that any new traits you develop will be true to you and will be so much easier to maintain and enjoy.
They’ll feel natural and easy, so you won’t have to worry about keeping up any fake appearances.
You also need to remember that you’re already loved and cared about, so it’s not about trying to impress people or get validation…
…it’s just about learning new skills that will help you feel comfortably and confidently charming.
2. Up the rapport.
Building a rapport with people is a great skill to learn, and is something you’ll end up using all the time!
Whether it’s bonding with a colleague, spending one-on-one time with your boss, or chatting with a potential date, finding common ground and building a base is crucial to your success.
This involves finding things you have in common with each other so that you feel like you know each other better.
Again, be genuine here! It might feel easier to lie and say that you’re also a football fanatic or can speak Spanish, but that will massively backfire at some point – take our word for it.
By taking the time to get to know someone, or deepening your existing friendship/relationship, you’ll come across as charming and personable.
3. Communicate consciously.
Conscious communication is essentially paying more attention to the ways in which you interact.
That means listening, not just hearing!
Really immerse yourself in conversations and you’ll automatically come across as someone who is charming, even if you don’t think it comes naturally to you.
Focus on what is being said and respond appropriately. Remember that if someone is taking the time to hold a conversation with you, you owe them the same experience back.
It may be about something mundane or it may be about something deep and meaningful, but engage with the person you’re talking to and they’ll come away feeling as though they met someone truly charming.
4. The finer things.
Small details are everything!
One of the best management techniques out there is to learn one fact about each member of staff, however small or insignificant it seems.
When your boss comes around, knows your name, and asks how your marathon training/ new baby/ pottery hobby is going, you instantly feel appreciated and respected – and charmed!
By learning something about everyone you interact with regularly, you’ll really start to build that rapport we talked about earlier.
You’ll also give off the impression that you’re not only aware of people, but interested in them and their lives – and that’s the definition of being charming.
5. Follow by example.
If you’re still struggling to be charming, you can look around you for inspiration.
Watch how your manager interacts with staff, or how hostesses and waiting staff look after their customers.
Sometimes, it’s about acting as though you’re on stage – you’re still yourself, you’re just the best version, giving off the best possible impression.
Learn by watching those around you, as well as how the people around them react.
People’s responses to certain phrases or behaviors can really highlight what works and what doesn’t work.
6. Make time for manners.
Good manners go a really, really long way… your mum wasn’t lying!
If being charming doesn’t come naturally to you, it’s time to go back to basics.
Focus on some core aspects of charm – eye contact, politeness, and interest.
Give whoever it is you’re talking to your full attention by looking them in the eye during your conversation.
This lets them know you’re paying attention and is a good way of demonstrating that you’re interested.
Politeness can be learned at any point in life, so don’t worry if you didn’t get taught it as a child.
Essentially, eat with your mouth closed, hold the door open for people, shake hands when you meet someone new in a formal setting, and don’t interrupt or talk over someone else when they’re speaking.
Being polite really is that simple.
Again, look to others for guidance if you’re not great with social cues, they’ll help you learn how to handle yourself in public and how to come across as genuinely charming.
Finally, show an interest. This is really good manners and will make whoever you’re talking to feel important and interesting.
Many of us have an underlying fear of not being fun/ smart/ interesting enough, so part of being a charmer is to encourage people to believe that about themselves.
7. Show respect.
This links back to having good manners, but goes a little bit beyond that.
If you’re struggling to be charming and don’t know where you’re going wrong, it may all come down to respect.
You need to show the other person that they are important and that you’re honored to be in their company.
That may sound a little bit over the top, but there are ways to do it more casually.
Again, eye contact and strong handshakes are key when it comes to being a charmer.
You can also show respect by following the hierarchy – it’s a bit old-fashioned, maybe, but some situations call for it.
Respect your boss by offering to help out, bringing them coffee, and generally being there to aid them.
That’s not to say you need to become professionally submissive, but it shows that you understand the ‘food chain’ and that you’re willing to put in the hard work.
Everyone loves someone who makes an effort, and you’ll automatically come across as very charming if you arrive at an 8am meeting with coffee for them!
8. Clear the air.
If there are reasons that you’re not seen as charming, you may need to rectify these.
We’re not suggesting you apologize for everything you’ve ever done, but making amends goes a long way.
If you’ve said or done something particularly un-charming, you need to resolve the situation.
This is partly for the other person, as they will respect you for acknowledging your wrongdoings and wanting to move forwards.
This is also for you – anything you’ve done in the past that you know wasn’t kind or compassionate will hang over you.
You’ll convince yourself that you’re not charming because of that time you made a friend cry/ messed up in a meeting/ embarrassed your partner at the work do.
By owning up to these incidents and taking control, you can let yourself become charming naturally.
Cut the ties to the old, not-charming you and let yourself evolve into the new you.
9. Be a human being.
There’s such a misconception around people who are charming in that they never do anything wrong, always know what to say, and are generally a delight to be around.
When you actually think about it, though, you’ll realize that most people who are charming are just incredibly honest.
Part of the appeal of charming people is that they’re real – they’re open and warm and not afraid to be themselves.
That’s something so great to aim for as a life goal, as well as one which you may just want short-term.
Being charming is about being confident in yourself as a real person, which means admitting if you make mistakes and not being afraid to have your own opinions.
Own your personality and your life choices, project the fact that you are a real, honest human being who isn’t ‘perfect’ all the time, and you’ll be seen as completely and utterly charming.
10. Make it a habit.
Trying to be charming and making slightly different decisions each day might feel a bit weird at first.
The best way to get used to it is through practice!
Look for opportunities to be polite and outgoing, to go the extra mile, and to make people around you feel appreciated.
Take an evening out as an example – make an effort with the waiting staff who serve your table, tip them, make conversation with them.
Whatever it is, do it with genuine kindness because you’re a great person who likes making people feel good about themselves.
Again, that’s what this is all about. Being charming isn’t just about being funny and generous, it’s about helping people feel confident and interesting, as well as important and cared for.
Any kind of customer service you receive – at the bar, over the phone, in a shop – is a great opportunity for you to learn from people whose job it is to be charming, and to exercise your own charm and get comfortable with it.
11. Visualize it.
See the version of yourself you want to be. This will help you set clear intentions and develop any habits quickly and easily, so they feel natural.
Think about the driving force behind your desire to be more charming. Is it for work, is it to be a better friend, or is it to be more loving with your partner, or even to find love?
Think about why you want to be more charming and focus on that.
Visualize the way you want your next interaction with that important person to go. That might mean thinking about how you project confidence at your next meeting, or how you can be more generous next time you see your friend, or even how to be flirty and fun on your next first date.
Really take the time to think about the small details, from how you start the conversation to your body language to any follow-ups you might take – sending a text after a date to say you had fun is always very charming!
12. Meditate and manifest.
We’re big believers in the power of manifestation – if you focus on something and put your energy into it becoming a reality, it will.
This links to visualization in that you’re setting an intention and then really setting yourself up to achieve it.
Meditation can help calm your mind and keep you grounded during this phase of change.
It might feel overwhelming at times and you might get nervous or feel uncomfortable. Remember that discomfort is often a side effect of change – within reason, of course!
If you’re feeling like things are shifting, it’s because they are; because you made them.
You have everything you need to make yourself a more charming person, you just need to focus on it and ground yourself.
13. Keep it real.
Hopefully some of these tips will help you feel and become a more naturally charming person.
It’s really important to stay true to yourself with this type of work, as we mentioned earlier.
People in your life already love and respect you for who you are, and probably won’t respond well if you suddenly become a totally different person!
There are steps you can take to becoming more charming without using the word ‘darling’ at the end of every sentence.
Think about the behavior you would want and expect from those around you – it all comes down to respect; to genuine emotions and care.
That’s what’s important and that’s what you need to hang on to. You’re already brilliant as you are; this is just a way of giving you the confidence to show others that side of you.
You may feel you’re being fake if you start using new phrases that aren’t in line with your personality, or you start socializing in different circles to normal.
Don’t force yourself into anything that doesn’t feel right.
Again, being charming is something that is linked to genuine feelings and truth. People will realize very quickly if you’re simply trying too hard.
Be yourself, stay humble, and go out and charm the world…
