What even is breadcrumbing?
Ghosting…
Stashing…
Breadcrumbing…
With all the terms used to describe modern dating, no one would blame you if you felt a little confused about what it all means. So what is breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is when you lead someone on romantically through social media or texting. Think Hansel and Gretel being tempted onwards to their doom by the witch. It basically means they’re stringing you along, but with the help of modern technology. The breadcrumbs are the messages you send in order to keep someone interested in you, even if you don’t actually like them or have any romantic interest in them. Some people might breadcrumb deliberately to keep you hanging on, but most people aren’t entirely conscious of their behavior. They stick their head in the sand and convince themselves they’re not doing anything wrong. But whether people who breadcrumb are conscious of it or not, it’s still an emotionally manipulative dating tactic…
…and one that can cause a lot of hurt to the person who’s being led on, with no hope of a relationship actually materializing. So what are the signs you need to look out for?
1. They blow hot and cold.
They don’t message you consistently.
You might be in contact a lot for a few days, and then a week or even longer can go by before they respond to you again.
They have an uncanny knack of messaging you just when you’ve finally started to forget about them and move on, meaning you go right back to square one.
2. Their messages are ambiguous.
They’re always noncommittal and don’t like to get specific.
They suggest you see each other ‘soon,’ but avoid making any set plans.
They always manage to phrase things in a way that gives you hope without committing themselves to anything.
3. There’s no substance to your communication.
You might have deeper conversations now and again, but their messages are normally fairly and generic.
They don’t make any genuine effort to get to know you.
4. They throw breadcrumbs at you through different channels.
They don’t respond to your Whatsapp, but then they like your Instagram post, or you see they’ve watched your story.
That keeps them on your radar and prevents you from moving on or forgetting about them.
5. They don’t make you feel good about yourself.
When you get a message from them, it might make your heart race and give you that feeling of excitement, but it doesn’t make your heart glow.
Even if you feel good when they are actually texting you, that soon wears off and is replaced by worry about if you’ll hear from them again.
They only compliment you to get what they want from you, but don’t actually do anything to boost your self-esteem.
6. They only show up late at night.
They might not spell it out, but if they’re texting you late at night rather than making proper plans with you, then they’re only after one thing.
They might even text you just to ‘see how you are’ without the intention of hooking up, but making sure that you’re lying awake at night thinking about them.
7. They make you feel like it’s your fault.
Although the problem is entirely theirs, it feels like it’s down to you.
Whenever they pick you up and drop you again, you can’t figure out what you did wrong, but it’s a big knock to your self-confidence.
8. They can’t commit to a date, let alone you.
They message you and vaguely suggest meeting up, but avoid making plans.
If you ask them what’s going on between you, they dodge the question or say they don’t want to put a label on things.
Whilst it’s perfectly valid not to put a label on things, if it’s combined with all the other behavior on this list, they probably just don’t want to commit to you.
9. They only want one thing from you.
If, when you do manage to see them, things quickly get physical between you, that’s a bad sign.
If they avoid meeting you during the day or when there’s no chance of going back to your place afterward, and you want more than that, then you need to be honest with yourself.
