Try these 8 trust-building exercises as a couple.
Whether you’re newly coupled up or in a long-term relationship that needs a bit of a boost, here are some great tips on how to build, and maintain, trust with your partner.
These are things you can start doing and encouraging in them, or ideas you can work through together.
Find what works for you and stick at it! Trust is about sustainable, long-term commitment, so make sure you’re in it for the long-haul.
1. Work on your communication styles.
Get comfortable with communicating. This one is pretty easy, in theory, but it might feel like a challenge if it’s an area that either you or your partner have struggled with in the past.
Practice expressing your needs, whether that’s receiving more affection from your partner, or establishing some boundaries so that you can enjoy some alone time.
This might involve saying something like:
“I had a bad day and I would love a hug if you’re able to give me one,”
or,
“I love you, but I need some space, so I’m going to do some yoga on my own tonight.”
This approach to communication is great – it doesn’t put any blame on your partner, so they are unlikely to feel rejected or responsible for your mood, and it shows you setting your boundaries and asking for what you need.
But communication is also about hearing what the other person has to say, so get used to listening – really listening – to what your partner is trying to get across. Don’t interrupt, don’t try to finish their thoughts for them – just listen.
This will build trust in your relationship because you will both feel able to express yourself and know that you are being heard. It’s a sign of respect, and respect is one of the foundations of trust.
2. Practice being honest.
Start off small, and open up about how you honestly feel about something that is pretty low-stakes in terms of your relationship.
That means, rather than suddenly admitting that you hate your partner’s parents, be honest about something ‘less important,’ like how you prefer when they cook curry instead of chilli, for example.
It might seem very silly, but it will help you get comfortable with expressing your true feelings.
You will become more confident when it comes to honesty, and your partner will start to realize that you are honest about how you feel.
They will get so used to you just telling the truth, that they won’t feel the need to question you over the bigger things, when they do come up.
3. Be humble.
Let yourself be humble with the person you like. Accept that, by being yourself, you are opening yourself up to rejection, but also to a more genuine connection.
Let yourself be silly and goofy, and talk about the things that interest you, even if you think you might be seen as geeky.
This will show the person you like, or your partner, that you can have a laugh at your own expense and that you’re not obsessed with how other people see you.
It might sound like a weird way to build trust, but it works! The more they can see you for who you are and the more they realize that you’re comfortable in yourself, the more they will feel like they can trust you.
You wouldn’t trust someone who was too charming, too polite, too groomed after all, right? You’d probably be more likely to trust the person that goofed around and had a laugh, and made you feel comfortable and valued.
4. Own up to your mistakes.
Start by acknowledging how your partner feels. Assess whether or not this is something you have played a part in or if it’s something else.
It sounds basic, but focusing on your partner’s behavior will help you develop a much deeper awareness of their scale of emotions, especially if the relationship is relatively new.
Acknowledge that you have contributed to their negative feelings, if you have, and let them know.
“I’m sorry I did X and for making you feel like Y. I won’t do it again because I don’t want to hurt you.”
Something along these lines is a good place to start if you’re unsure of how to communicate this kind of thing just yet.
Let them know that you see or hear how they feel, you understand what you have done that has contributed to it, and you will do your best to avoid this happening again.
Doing this over time will show your partner that they can trust you, because they know that you are self-aware enough to monitor your own behavior.
This is also a subtle way of introducing boundaries in your relationship – again, great if you’ve not been together for very long yet.
For example, you apologizing for flirting with someone else when you’re first dating shows them that you realize that it’s not okay – this makes them then feel confident that you now know the boundaries and the exclusivity of your relationship. It reinforces your commitment to your partner and leads to a healthier, trusting relationship.
The key here is to actually mean it when you say you’ll try not to do it again. If you repeatedly go against your word and repeat the same mistakes, it will actually harm your partner’s trust in you in a big way.
5. Be vulnerable.
Start small, as always with this kind of exercise. Rather than holding back after a bad day at work, for example, open up to your partner about how you’re feeling.
If you’re having an anxious day and are feeling a bit withdrawn or introverted, let yourself be vulnerable in front of your partner by explaining to them what those feelings do to your mood.
The more you can let your guard down and be truly yourself (even when you’re crying or stressed or angry!), the more you allow your partner to really know who you are.
If your trust issues are coming from a fear of abandonment, this exercise can also really help! Once you know that your partner has seen every aspect of you and they still choose to be with you, you will feel so much more confident in the relationship as you’re not holding back or presenting a ‘better’ version of yourself. You know they are here for the real you, and that is what makes a relationship full of trust and love.
6. Respect boundaries – yours and theirs!
Encourage your partner to express their needs and boundaries by doing the same yourself.
Have an honest conversation with them before suddenly launching into “I need alone time and you need to get out!” – trust us, this will not go down well.
Instead, speak to your partner and make sure you let them know that this is something you can both do and both benefit from equally.
Let them know that it’s not about how you feel about each other, but that it’s healthy for the relationship and will make things better in a sustainable way.
Then start saying things like, “I’m not feeling quite myself, so I think I might stay at mine tonight – but let’s do something nice together tomorrow morning.”
This is great, as it lets them know what you need (space) and why (you’re not feeling 100%) and that you still care about them and want to spend time with them on better terms (doing something together soon).
7. Call out disappointments.
Nobody can read minds, so this exercise will require communicating and being honest about your feelings – two key aspects of a trusting relationship we’ve mentioned above.
Start by telling your partner if they have done something that upsets you. Not every time, of course, as that is unfair and it’s unrealistic to think that someone will never hurt your feelings!
Instead, let them know that you were looking forward to spending quality time with them, and that you’d like them to honor the commitments they make to you.
You can explain that this makes you feel valued and cared for, and that you like being a consideration in their life.
The more you can get used to sharing these feelings and ensuring you both honor your promises to each other, the more trust you will enjoy with your partner.
8. Take your time.
There is no rush when it comes to trust in a relationship, so take your time and move at a pace that suits you both. Remember that you can talk to your partner about this too!
Rather than working your way through this list all at once and expecting the ‘perfect relationship’ overnight, stay realistic with your expectations.
This way, you can manage your hopes, and rather than feeling disappointed and getting upset or frustrated, you can watch your relationship build over time and go from strength to strength.
