7 Reasons You Still Think About Your Ex (But Don't Want Them Back)

It’s normal to think about your ex.

A woman stands by a sunlit window, holding a mug with both hands and looking outside. She is dressed in a white tank top. On the windowsill, there is a small black alarm clock, two white candles, and a small plant.

Your ex is on your mind. And you really wish they weren’t. Maybe they broke up with you out of the blue, or maybe you broke up with them for very good reasons.

Whatever happened between the two of you, you just can’t get them out of your head. And it’s not doing you any favors.

Of course, the most obvious reason you might still be dwelling on your ex is that you still have feelings for them, no matter complex those feelings might be.

The love you felt for them is still with you, whether you were the dumper or the dumpee… and whether or not you would want them back if you had the chance.

But it’s often not as simple as that. You might have completely fallen out of love with this person, and still have them on your mind.

Here are a few reasons why he or she might still be taking up a lot of your mental capacity, even if you don’t want them back.

1. You liked what they brought out in you.

Maybe they had certain qualities or interests that brought out a side of you that you really liked.

Perhaps with them, you were more active, adventurous, relaxed, settled, daring… you name it.

If you think this might be your problem, it’s important to recognize that just because they encouraged that side of you, doesn’t mean you can’t ever be that way without them.

It’s just a matter of recognizing what you liked about yourself around them, and making a conscious effort to continue that way even now they’re not around.

They might have brought out qualities in you, but those qualities are entirely yours, there to be tapped into.

2. You miss them as a friend.

A bearded man with short hair wearing a gray t-shirt sits at a white kitchen table, looking pensively into the distance while holding a smartphone. A glass of orange juice and a bowl of fruit are on the table, with wooden cabinets and a textured wall in the background.

You spent a lot of time with them, and as well as a romantic relationship, the two of you built a solid friendship.

Maybe they were your best friend, the person you had fun with and always the first person you told when anything happened.

Just as you’d miss and think about your best mate if you were to fight, you’re missing their friendship now you’re not together.

3. You miss the physical contact.

A couple relaxes on a couch. The person on the left in a brown jacket holds the person on the right, who has long hair and is wearing a teal shirt. Both appear content, and the person in teal is smiling with their head resting on the other's chest.

Having a partner can be wonderful because, as human beings, we’re naturally very tactile creatures, and being romantically involved means you have someone to hug and kiss and feel close to.

Being physically close to someone releases feel-good hormones, which are more than a little addictive.

It might be that you’re thinking about them because you miss the comfort of that physical contact and those rushes of hormones, rather than anything deeper.

4. They made you happy.

A woman with long black hair sits at an outdoor café, resting her head on her hand and smiling thoughtfully. She wears a grey sweater and a watch. In front of her is a white cup and a slice of chocolate cake. The background is blurred with greenery and other patrons.

You might be thinking about your ex just because, for the time you were together, you were genuinely happy.

You might not be able to make each other happy anymore, but you still treasure those memories and can’t help thinking about them.

5. You have regrets.

A woman with long, wavy hair and a white shirt leans on a pillow, looking pensive and worried. She gazes into the distance, her expression showing concern. Soft lighting fills the room, creating a calm yet somber atmosphere.

Maybe you’re dwelling on your old relationship because you have regrets about things that happened between you, and how it ended.

You don’t necessarily wish you could have them back, but you wish you could go back and do things differently.

6. You feel guilty.

A woman with a thoughtful and slightly melancholic expression gazes out of a window. She rests her arms on the windowsill, leaning her head on them. Sunlight illuminates her face, creating a soft, introspective mood.

Your ex might be playing on your mind because of feelings of guilt about something that happened between you.

Maybe you betrayed their trust in some way, or you behaved badly toward them at the end of your relationship, and now you can’t bear the idea that you hurt them, or that they might resent you.

7. You never got closure.

Woman with glasses and long, brown hair, sits at a wooden table in a cafe, looking out of a large window. She wears an olive green jacket and appears to be relaxed and thoughtful. In the background, there are chairs and a tall plant.

If things between you ended in such a way that you never got any real closure, you may be struggling to draw a line under the relationship and put your ex out of your mind.

This is pretty common, but the thing is, sometimes closure just isn’t possible. You may never get the answers you want, so unless you learn to accept that, you’ll end up dwelling in the past forever. And trust me, that’s not a fun place to be.