11 Reasons People Don't Want To Date You (That Have Nothing To Do With Your Looks)

Does it feel like you have no luck with dating?

A man with a beard and a woman wearing sunglasses are sitting at an outdoor café, smiling and enjoying drinks. The man is wearing a light blue polo shirt, and the woman is wearing a white T-shirt. They appear to be having a pleasant conversation.

Perhaps it seems like you’re the only person in the world who hasn’t found love yet.

We all have those moments when we wonder if we’ll ever find someone who’s right for us, especially when everyone around you seems to find dating and relationships so easy.

Frustratingly, there isn’t always a quick fix to finding your perfect match, or even getting to a second date. Sometimes it’s as simple as not being in the right place at the right time.

But don’t lose hope! Just because you haven’t managed a second date or perhaps even a first, doesn’t mean it won’t happen. It’s better to wait for the right person than to settle for the wrong one.

There might not be a magic spell that will make you a dating expert overnight, but there are a few things you could work on to help your chances on the dating scene.

Keep reading to see if you’re making any of these common mistakes.

1. You’re looking for love in the wrong places.

Love stories can happen in the most unlikely of places. There will always be someone you know who found their Tinder happily ever after or went on to marry their one night stand.

But these are the exceptions to the rule, and if you’re looking for a relationship in a club or on a casual dating app, then you have to be realistic about your chances of finding one.

If you’re looking for love on a night out, are the people you meet at 3am after one too many drinks really boyfriend or girlfriend material?

Think about the apps you’ve tried to meet people through; do they include in-depth bios so you can get to know a little about what a person is like, or do you just swipe for the hottest profile pictures?

You have to be realistic about the type of person you’re going to meet in the places you’re looking for love. If you feel as though you keep meeting the same type of person and it never goes anywhere, it’s time you widened your search.

2. You’re not being honest about what you’re looking for.

A woman in a birthday hat pours champagne into a man's glass at a festive party. They are standing in a colorful room with balloons, bunting, and a yellow couch in the background. Other guests are visible, enjoying the celebration.

We’ve all heard the dating advice about not coming across as ‘too keen’ and how playing it cool is the best way to keep someone interested.

To some extent, this is good advice; you don’t want to come on too strong and scare people off. But there is a balance between scaring someone off and being honest with them and yourself about the type of relationship you’re looking for.

There is nothing wrong with showing you’re interested in someone and being upfront about wanting to date them. Don’t get caught up in having a casual relationship that isn’t what you want just because you don’t want to scare someone off by being too serious.

If they can be up front with you about not wanting a relationship, then why can’t you be honest about the fact that you do?

It’s true, sometimes a casual relationship can turn into something more, but you must have a cut-off point. If you don’t, you’ll be left feeling insecure and miserable because you’re trying to settle with the wrong type of person for you.

3. You’re self-sabotaging.

A man and a woman sit across from each other at a table in a dimly lit café, both resting their heads on their hands and looking contemplative. Two mugs and a candle are on the table between them, with warm bokeh lights in the background.

When you’ve faced a lot of rejection and are tired of how it feels, it’s natural to have your emotional defenses up high when you meet someone new.

You start going into dates with the expectation that they won’t lead to anything, and this could be affecting how you come across more than you realize.

By pre-judging the date before it’s begun, you might come across as insincere or sarcastic, when in reality it’s a persona to keep the person at arm’s length and protect yourself from being hurt again if the date goes badly.

Alternatively, you could be so eager for something to come out of a first date that you dominate the conversation in an effort to seem interesting and instead just look desperate for attention.

These things stop you from showing off your best qualities and prevent people from getting to know the real you.

4. You’re going after the wrong type of person.

A man in a blue suit, bow tie, and glasses is sitting at a table in a restaurant, engaging in conversation with a woman with blonde hair, who is turned away from the camera. The table has a metal cup and some food items on it.

You might think you have a type, but how do you know if it’s the right type of person for you?

If you haven’t been successful so far in your love life, then you might not be as good at judging what’s best for you as you thought.

Being too selective could be what’s holding you back. By getting to know someone you wouldn’t usually consider for a date, you could discover qualities in a person you never knew you valued in a partner.

Think about what you truly want from a partner, outside of physical appearance or status. Is trust important to you in a relationship? Do you want a partner who makes you laugh?

Focus on the person inside rather than what they look like or do for a living. Money and looks will change over time, but it’s someone’s morals and personality you’re stuck with for life.

5. Your standards are too high.

A woman wearing a red dress is sitting at a table with a man in a restaurant with large windows. She is smiling with her hands under her chin. The table has two wine glasses and a bouquet of red roses. The background shows a blurred view of the city through the windows.

Maybe you’ve seen one too many romcoms or had too much time to think about who your perfect match could be.

You shouldn’t settle for any less than you deserve and you deserve to be completely happy in a relationship. But you can’t always tell everything you need to know about a person from a first date.

Life is a journey, and just because someone isn’t the finished package right now, doesn’t mean they won’t have it together in the future. Be fair to the people you meet and give everyone a chance. No one is perfect, and the characters you fall for in fairytales and films only exist in fiction for a reason.

Try to be realistic about all the qualities you’re looking for in a partner. Don’t be too picky and don’t judge someone too quickly when you first meet. They could be nervous or just as uncertain as you are, and need time, just like you do, to show all of their best qualities.

6. You struggle with self-love and self-belief.

A woman with a thoughtful and slightly melancholic expression gazes out of a window. She rests her arms on the windowsill, leaning her head on them. Sunlight illuminates her face, creating a soft, introspective mood.

Finding a partner isn’t about finding someone to complete you. It’s about finding someone who brings out the best in you.

Confidence is a big part of what makes someone attractive. If you aren’t confident in yourself and what you have to offer, why should a potential date think otherwise?

The minute you start believing you have something great to offer, people will begin to take notice of you.

Self-love is the first love you should concentrate on finding before searching for anything else. A partner is supposed to amplify all the best bits about yourself, so you need to be 100% sure of who you are if you’re going to be able to find the right match for you.

7. You’re sending the wrong signals.

A happy young woman with long blonde hair and wearing a striped shirt is standing close to a smiling bearded man in a blue shirt, leaning against a brick wall. Both are gazing at each other affectionately in the sunlight.

There is no rulebook when it comes to first dates, and if you want to go home with someone because it feels right in the moment, then no one should judge you for that.

For some people, going from a one-night stand into something more serious can work. But generally, becoming overly intimate too quickly is a sign that things between you will fizzle out fast.

If you get physically intimate too soon, it could give off the wrong signals that you’re looking for a quick fling, rather than something more long-term.

In the past, you might have felt like you needed to get physically intimate with someone before you were really ready to, in an effort to keep them interested.

If you’re worried that they’ll lose interest in you because you’re holding out on them, then they aren’t the right person for you. Giving into the pressure will only make you feel worse if it doesn’t turn into anything more.

Try to take intimacy at a pace that feels right for you, and remember that getting to know if you’re compatible outside the sheets is as important as knowing if you can have fun together under them.

8. You’re waiting for them to make the first move.

A man in a brown jacket and glasses hands a credit card to a smiling woman in a white blouse across a counter, with shopping bags in the background. A card reader and notebook are on the counter.

The more pressure you put on a situation, the more impossible asking someone out will feel.

We should normalize men or women asking each other out and stop feeling embarrassed over the subject. The worst anyone can do is say no, and if you aren’t dating anyway, then you have nothing to lose.

If you want to date someone, don’t just stand and wait for them to make the first move.

Be casual and polite when you ask someone out, and just don’t take it too hard if they say no.

Who knows what could happen? The person you ask might be flattered or equally nervous to speak to you. Take life by the reins and start making changes for yourself rather than waiting on everyone else to do it for you.

9. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.

A joyful couple enjoys a playful moment on a bridge. The woman, dressed in athletic wear, is piggybacking on the man, who is wearing a red shirt and glasses. She points excitedly into the distance, while both of them have wide, happy smiles. The background shows the bridge structure.

Are you sick of your family and friends asking about your dating life and making jokes?

Or do you feel like you should have met someone by now and there’s something wrong with you because you haven’t?

Whether you’re judging yourself against books and films, or the relationships your friends and family members are in, you’re feeling as though you’re missing all the dating milestones.

Feeling like you’re running out of time can make you do desperate things. It can make you cling on to someone who you know isn’t right for you or push things too fast too early when you finally find a date. It can also make any rejection hurt 100 times worse.

There is no right time to have a relationship, so stop putting the pressure on yourself to be coupled up. You’re not being yourself when you’re trying too hard to impress someone, and people can see through it.

Enjoy the process of meeting new people without sizing them up to be your future spouse. Let things develop at their own pace.

10. You’re too ready to lose your heart.

A couple stands close to each other, smiling affectionately as they embrace on a riverbank at sunset. The man is wearing a light blue shirt, and the woman is in a dark top. The background features a serene river, trees, buildings, and a bridge in the distance.

We love the romantic idea of finding an instant spark with someone, but reality isn’t always that simple.

Getting too emotionally attached too quickly can scare people off. If you’re desperate for a date to go well, you could be letting yourself think serious thoughts too soon. This can turn into an unhealthy infatuation.

Dating is about getting to know someone to see if they are compatible. It’s likely that a lot of the people you date won’t be, and that’s okay. In the process of meeting them, you’ll learn what it is you like and dislike about a potential partner.

There may be some exceptions to the rule, but falling in love and building the foundations of a relationship takes time.

If you try to rush things and give away your heart too quickly, it will only hurt more when things don’t work out. It will also take you longer to get back to a place where you’re happy to put yourself out there again.

11. Your timing is off.

A man and woman are enjoying a day outdoors in a scenic field of wildflowers. The woman, wearing a denim jacket, is on a bicycle with a basket full of flowers, while the man in a plaid shirt walks beside her. The sky is partly cloudy, and trees fill the background.

Sometimes, there’s no rhyme or reason to why you haven’t been successful at dating. It may be that you just haven’t met the right person yet.

You could be doing everything right, embracing your single life, not being too pushy on dates, putting yourself out there, and yet the dating game isn’t working for you.

In this case there’s not much to say, other than timing has not been on your side. Perhaps you did meet someone who could have been the right person for you, but circumstances prevented you from making a go of it.

None of this is your fault, or anyone else’s; it’s just a fact of life that sometimes it doesn’t work out how we expect.

But it’s no reason to lose hope. You’re an interesting, confident person who has a lot of love to give. Chances are there are lots of people out there right now who could be the right partner for you. You just haven’t met them yet.