There are some things you need to know.
There’s a new woman in your life. And you think she’s amazing. But she’s very different to a lot of the women you’ve dated in the past – she’s fiercely independent.
Or maybe you’ve dated another woman with a similarly independent nature before, but it didn’t work out because you found her independent ways to be a little overwhelming or didn’t know how to deal with them. Or maybe your behavior toward her made her feel a little trapped and she ran for the hills. Maybe you got jealous, felt like she was neglecting you, or tried to hold her back.
Whether this is totally new territory for you or you just don’t want to make the same mistakes again, you’re in need of some advice.
She’s an independent, strong woman and, as cliché as it might sound, she really doesn’t need a man in her life. She might well want one, but she doesn’t need one.
If you want to make it work with her, here’s what she needs you to know.
1. Expect honesty – and be honest.
An independent woman will be honest about when she needs you and when she doesn’t. She’ll let you know when she needs your support with something and when she’s better off doing something on her own.
She won’t be shy about being honest with you when she just needs space, and that’s no reflection on her feelings for you, so don’t take it personally. Sometimes she will just need to be alone, and that’s okay. Some people need their own space to recharge their batteries.
If she tells you something, don’t look for the hidden meaning in it – take her at her word. She’s all about honesty and prefers to be direct with what she says.
She definitely has no interest in playing games and she doesn’t thrive on drama. She’s not one to waste her time and would rather just get to the point.
She won’t think you’re coming on too strong if you text her back quickly or are honest about your feelings – she’ll appreciate that you’re being open with her.
So, be upfront about your feelings and communicate your needs to her from day one. Make sure you both know exactly where you stand.
2. Know how to compromise.
There should be compromise in every relationship, but if you’re dating an independent woman, you’ll have to accept that you might be compromising more than you’d expect.
Of course, every relationship has to be a two way street, and you can’t be the one compromising all the time. That’s just not healthy.
But she may well have a stubborn streak in her that means you have to be willing to look for solutions that suit you both.
If you aren’t willing to search for the middle ground between your two points of view, or let her get her own way sometimes, then the relationship probably won’t get very far.
3. Enjoy the freedom.
An independent woman wants an independent man. She wants you to have your own life and interests. She definitely doesn’t want your universe to revolve around her.
So embrace that. So many relationships can be limiting and mean both partners make more sacrifices than they should, so enjoy the fact that you’ve come across someone who wants you to spread your wings and soar.
Find activities that you can do as a couple, but make sure you’ve got your own stuff going on too. Be open to developing new hobbies and interests, and just get out there and live your own life.
Spend time with your family and friends. Make plans that involve her and never make her feel excluded from your life, but also make sure you spend quality time with the most important people in your life without her around.
And give her the space to do exactly the same. Make it clear that you want to get to know her family and friends, but respect that she needs some one-on-one time with them too.
4. Work on your own self-esteem.
If you struggle with your confidence or self-esteem then you’ll struggle to be in a relationship with an independent woman.
If you’ve got low self-esteem, it’ll be easy to see her desire for independence as a sign that you’re doing something wrong, even when it’s not. And that could topple the relationship that you’ve been building.
If you’re not confident in yourself then you probably won’t be confident in her love for you, and that might lead you to mistrust her. And suspicion or a lack of trust is something that can destroy any relationship, but especially one with an independent woman.
5. Beware of the green-eyed monster.
If you’re a naturally jealous person, then be wary of getting into a relationship with an independent woman.
She’s not going to change the way she behaves to appease your jealous nature, and nor should she have to.
She probably has lots of friends from all walks of life, both male and female. You have to trust that that’s exactly what they are: friends.
You’re the one she’s chosen to be with, and that has to be enough for you. You shouldn’t need proof or be checking up on her.
Remember: the only person your jealousy is going to damage is you.
Jealousy will eat away at the foundations of your relationship until it crumbles, and you lose a chance at something extraordinary.
6. Make sure she treats you with respect.
Being independent is great, but it isn’t an excuse to treat your partner poorly or not respect their emotional needs. Just because she’s independent, that doesn’t mean she’s got an excuse to neglect you or not be there for you where you need her.
For example, it doesn’t mean it’s okay for her to totally abandon you and ignore you at a party. The two of you shouldn’t be joined at the hip. You should both be happy having your separate conversations. But you’re still there together, and should acknowledge each other, check in with each other, and show each other basic courtesy.
Relationships are about two people both giving and taking. If you feel like you’re giving and giving and getting nothing back, then you might have a problem.
7. Be realistic with yourself.
If you find yourself struggling to date a woman like her and, try as you might, you just can’t adapt to her, then be honest with yourself about whether the relationship has a future.
Perhaps a relationship like this just isn’t right for you, and that’s okay. Don’t try to force it. It’s just important to recognize that, accept that you’re not going to change her, and know when to move on to pastures new.
8. Let her know you love her just the way she is.
Just because she’s independent doesn’t mean she’s immune to insecurities and doesn’t need reassurance and love.
Let her know that you love her just as she is and that you’ll be there for her when she needs you, come what may.
Be her rock, her cheerleader, and her shoulder to cry on when things go wrong, and she’ll do exactly the same for you.
9. Never try to clip her wings.
The worst thing you can do when dating an independent woman is try to change her or hold her back. Opportunities will present themselves in her professional and personal life and she’ll want to take them, and so she should.
She should take your needs and feelings into consideration, of course. Having respect for your partner in situations like these is what relationships are all about.
But don’t let your insecurities or fears hold her back, as she’ll only resent you for it. Don’t ask her not to follow her dreams for your sake. Let her make her own decisions.
That might make things complicated between you at times, but if it’s meant to be then the two of you will work it out.
Support her ambitions and let her spread her wings, and she’ll support yours in return.
10. Be romantic.
Some men are nervous of being too romantic with an independent woman, as they worry she’ll think they’re coming on too strong. But don’t be shy. Romance her all you like. She still needs reassurance that you care about her and find her attractive.
Be confident in your displays of affection toward her and honest about the way you feel.
Use small gestures to let her know you care. Take her on imaginative dates. Go on adventures together. Be affectionate. Celebrate her successes and tell her how amazing she is.
Show her just how much you care.
