15 Disturbing Relationship Red Flags You Must Never Ignore

Some red flags are more obvious than others.

A man and a woman are sitting in a living room. The man sits in an armchair, looking towards the camera with a serious expression. The woman, sitting on a couch with her hand touching her chin, gazes thoughtfully to the side. A potted plant is in the background.

Sometimes, you just know that a person’s not right for you, but you go for it anyway.

But red flags are called that for a reason, and some are easier to spot than others. Regardless of how obvious they are, we might choose to ignore them, deny them, or justify them.

And occasionally, things work out. But more often than not, we realize that the red flags were there to warn us that we shouldn’t date that person in the first place.

So, without further ado, here are 15 of the most blatant red flags to watch out for when you’re dating someone new or in the early stages of a relationship.

1. They repeatedly disrespect your boundaries.

A woman with long dark hair in a pink top and white pants sits on a bed, holding a smartphone and looking worried, while a man with short brown hair and a beard, wearing a blue T-shirt, leans forward with a concerned expression, looking at her.

Maybe they try to convince you to do something you’ve clearly said that you don’t want to do, or they simply go too far and cross a line. When they keep pushing your boundaries, or even break them, they’re not the person you want to trust.

Make it clear that they must respect your boundaries if they want to keep dating you.

For example, you should end things with someone who insists that you get sexually involved even though you’ve said you want to take things slow.

Or perhaps they push you to do something you’re not yet comfortable doing, like committing to them or making the next step in the relationship.

A person who knowingly disrespects your boundaries is likely to keep doing so throughout the relationship.

2. They try to isolate you from your loved ones.

A woman and man are sitting together by a window, looking at a picture frame on a wooden table. The woman looks pensive with the man's arm gently around her shoulders. A stack of books sits on the table beside the frame.

A person might be so possessive that they try to have you all to themselves. They seek to isolate you from your loved ones or turn you against them.

It doesn’t make someone crazy for wanting you to prioritize them over the other people in your life, but you should be allowed to have a life outside of the relationship.

There’s no need to run from the person who gets upset because you canceled a date to go out with your friends. It’s reasonable to feel and show some irritation when you get canceled on.

On the other hand, if you’ve barely seen your friends since you started dating them, it’s a major red flag.

The thing is, your partner should get along with the other people in your life that you care about. Unfortunately, life is not always simple, and that doesn’t always happen.

Maybe your family and friends don’t approve of your choice of partner. If this is the case, you should try to see things objectively because they might be pointing out a red flag that you’re choosing to ignore.

Either way, your relationship isn’t going to be easy if your partner doesn’t get along with your family and friends, whatever the reason may be.

3. They disrespect you.

A man and woman are sitting on a couch, engaged in a heated argument. The man, with curly hair, is wearing a blue sweater and jeans, gesturing with his hand on his head. The woman, with short brown hair in a yellow shirt, appears upset, gesturing with her hands.

It’s not just love that you need from a partner; it’s respect too. Someone who disrespects you isn’t a good partner.

Maybe they don’t trust you to make an adult decision, roll their eyes at you, dismiss your opinions, or talk down on you. However they disrespect you, it’s a red flag to watch for because their behavior is unlikely to change later on in a relationship.

In fact, it could even get worse. So, while you certainly shouldn’t fear each other in any way, you should have mutual respect. It’s a necessary part of a healthy relationship and a sign of how this person is going to treat you.

4. They need or try to control you.

A young woman and man face each other closely against a dark background. The woman, wearing a denim jacket, looks to the side with a serious expression, while the man in a white t-shirt gazes intently at her. Their expressions suggest a tense or intense moment.

Your partner should not be aware of your whereabouts at all times, and if they demand to be, that’s a red flag. They should not dictate what you’ll do and who you’ll see or limit you in other ways.

Naturally, they’ll expect certain things from you, but they shouldn’t try to control you. Don’t ditch them for a night out with your friends without even letting them know, but don’t ask for their permission either.

You can make plans together and stick to those plans. Meaning, it’s okay that they want to know that you’ll be out with friends, but it’s not okay if you have to tell them the exact location and your history with each friend even though you don’t want to.

5. They are allowed to do things you’re not.

A man and woman, both casually dressed, sit on a brown leather couch in a well-lit room. The man is gesturing with his hands while talking, and the woman listens attentively. The room has large windows and a minimalist decor.

Are there some double standards at play? Maybe they are allowed to go out with their friends every weekend, but they freak out when you want to do the same with your friends.

Perhaps it’s okay that they flirt with people from work, but you can’t even talk to a person of your preferred gender.

Whatever it may be, if they are allowed to do things that they forbid you from doing, it’s not fair, and you shouldn’t tolerate it.

You should both have equal rights in the relationship, and there’s no room for double standards in a healthy one. Maybe you can agree with them regarding some things that you’re not allowed to do anymore, but they shouldn’t be allowed to do them either.

6. They don’t want anyone to know about your relationship.

A man with a serious expression sits behind the wheel of a yellow car, with his hand on the steering wheel. A woman with long hair and wearing dark lipstick sits in the passenger seat, looking straight ahead. The car window is partly rolled down.

Another red flag to watch for in new relationships is if the person doesn’t want anyone to know that you’re together.

Okay, so perhaps there are some potentially valid reasons for keeping your relationship secret, but can you really have a healthy relationship in this type of situation?

What possible future can you have with someone who hides the fact that they’re with you? If they have just asked for some time and promised to come clean afterward, think about how much time has passed.

If you think that you’re in a serious relationship but no one knows about it besides you and your partner, your relationship is not as serious as you think.

7. They avoid being seen with you in public.

A woman in a pink blouse sits on a bench, holding onto the arm of a standing man in a blue shirt and white t-shirt. She is looking up at him with a concerned expression. The background includes trees and greenery, indicating a park setting.

A similar red flag is when they avoid being seen with you. Maybe you don’t know that your relationship is supposed to be a secret, but avoiding being seen with you in public is a clear sign that it is.

Your partner is certainly not embarrassed by you; they just don’t want anyone to know that they’re dating you. It’s possible that they might be in a relationship with someone else, or don’t have any serious intentions with you.

You deserve someone who’ll proudly introduce you to everyone they know, so don’t settle for anyone who tries to keep your relationship behind closed doors.

8. They are abusive.

A woman wearing a red shirt appears to be upset, gesturing with her hand, while a man in a blue sweater sits at a kitchen table with his head resting on one hand, looking distressed. The kitchen has white cabinets, a sink, and an oven in the background.

Of course, when dating someone new, or in the early throes of a relationship, one of the red flags to watch for is abusive behavior.

Whether it’s emotional, psychological, or even physical abuse, you shouldn’t tolerate it for more than a second, and the second when it happens is already too much.

If you’ve noticed abusive behavior in a partner you’ve only recently started seeing, end things before you’re in too deep.

You should never tolerate abuse of any kind, no matter how much you like someone, so get away from them before you fall in love with them and let them hurt you.

If they are ready to hurt you with their words or their actions without blinking an eye, it could only get worse if you stay with them.

9. They suffer from addiction.

A young man with short brown hair looks serious and introspective, standing indoors in a well-lit room. In the background, a blonde woman in a green dress holds a glass of wine and looks in his direction, though distant and slightly out of focus.

A lot of people have suffered from addiction, and some have successfully recovered. This means that they’re people too, and deserve an equal shot in the dating pool.

However, a person with an active addiction is not the right partner for anyone, including other people with the same addiction.

Why? Well, if you’re not an addict, you don’t want to risk becoming one by getting involved with someone who is. And if you are an addict, you’re certainly not going to stop being one if you choose a partner who is an addict too.

So, the big question is whether your partner has suffered from addiction in the past or still does.

Not everyone thinks of the same things when they talk about addiction though, so you need to be clear with yourself about your deal-breakers. For instance, you might choose to give a recreational drug user a chance that you wouldn’t give to an alcoholic.

Keep in mind that addicts often lie about their habits, though, so even if they say that they only use drugs on rare occasions, this might not be true.

Your best choice is to steer clear of all people who have active addictions such as excessive drinking, drug use, gambling, or other forms. These people have a problem that isn’t going to go away on its own, and you can’t make it go away.

10. They are violent.

A concerned older man with curly gray hair and a younger woman with short hair sit together. The man has his arm around the woman, who looks slightly upset. They are indoors with a blurred background featuring flowers and furniture.

You most certainly shouldn’t get involved with anyone who makes you fear for your safety. If your partner is particularly aggressive or even violent toward others, they might physically hurt you at some point too.

You don’t want to be around someone who supports violence and wouldn’t hesitate to use it to get what they want.

Some people fall for the tough guys because it makes them feel like they have someone to defend them. What they forget is that the tough guy in question can use his strength to hurt them, not just to protect them.

If a person sees nothing wrong with physically hurting someone, they won’t see much wrong with physically hurting you either. So, before you get involved with someone who frequently gets in actual fistfights, think about your own safety.

The truth is, many abusers can be recognized in the early stage of dating, but we still choose to ignore the red flags until it’s too late and we’re already thinking of excuses for their bad behavior. Don’t do this. When you see that someone could be a potential abuser, run the other way and don’t look back.

11. They are not the commitment type.

A woman with long blonde hair wearing a white shirt and a headband gestures while smiling at a seated man with short hair, a beard, and a blue shirt. The man is sipping from a white mug. They appear to be sitting at a dining table in a bright room.

A typical dating problem is when you’re chasing after someone who doesn’t want to commit to you. So, you start thinking of possible explanations and coming up with possible solutions for this problem.

But what if the person is just not the commitment type? If your date tells you that they don’t want a relationship, by all means trust them. Don’t keep chasing them if you want something serious and they have clearly said that they can’t give you that (or their behavior and attitude in life show that they’re not going to give that to anyone any time soon).

So many tears have been cried because of the players who don’t want to be tied down, but why let it get so far? When you see that someone has no interest in getting into a serious relationship right now, find someone who wants the same as you do!

Don’t give yourself false hope just because you want to keep chasing someone who keeps running. It’s best to move on as soon as you find out that they’re not ready to commit, before you start having deeper feelings for them and let those feelings cloud your judgment.

12. They constantly criticize you.

A woman sits at a table with a displeased expression, holding her head with both hands. A man beside her is gesturing with one hand, appearing to be upset or arguing. On the table are a teapot with a pink cozy, cups, and croissants. A shelf with items is seen in the background.

Even though your partner should give you compliments, they do the opposite and constantly criticize you.

Basically, they make you feel like you’re not good enough, and that means that they’re not good enough for you.

Don’t let anyone ruin your self-esteem because they can’t see how great you are. If they can’t see it, why are they with you in the first place?

It’s very likely that criticizing you makes them feel better about themselves, and that’s a major red flag. You don’t want to be with someone who’ll end up destroying your self-confidence and making you feel bad about yourself just to give themselves an ego boost.

Keep in mind that this type of behavior says more about them than about you, so don’t let their words get to you.

13. They talk about themselves all the time.

A woman in a white blouse holds a glass of white wine and looks at a man seated opposite her. They are sitting at a table in a restaurant with wine bottles on shelves in the background. The man is holding a glass of red wine.

You might end up with someone who is the king/queen of their own world, and you’ll have no choice but to treat them as one if you want to be a part of that world.

They constantly talk about themselves, put their needs first, expect their wishes to be your command, and think that they’re better than anyone else.

You might find yourself on a date where the person gets inspired to talk about themselves or something that matter’s to them for hours. If so, don’t be quick to judge because this might be a one-time thing.

However, if you’ve been on more than one date with this person, and they can’t shut up about how amazing they are, you might want to leave them to the person they love the most – themselves.

14. They lie to you.

A woman sits next to a man on a bed, gently comforting him. The man has his hand on his forehead and appears distressed. They are in a softly lit room with minimal decor, including a small plant on a table in the background.

Naturally, one of the most important red flags to watch for is if the person can lie to you without blinking an eye.

Some people are pathological liars, and you don’t want to be with someone who can lie to your face.

Bear in mind that your date might keep some information from you during the first few dates. That’s okay since they’re probably waiting to get more comfortable with you so that they can tell you more.

However, what if they intentionally lie to you? While this sounds like the ultimate deal-breaker, there are exceptions. A person might lie about something that they’re not ready to admit to so early on, but come clean about it afterward. So, what exactly they are lying about, and the explanation they give you when you catch them is very important.

However, even if they have a good explanation for their lie, you should keep your guard up and be more cautious around them until you make sure that it’s a one-time thing.

15. They are using you.

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair sits with her arms crossed and an expression of concern or sadness. In the background, a man with gray hair lies on a bed, facing partially away from her. The setting appears to be a bedroom.

In the end, your date might be simply using you. They can use you for more than just sex, so don’t think that’s the only thing that applies here. Maybe they want to be with you because of your money, or for your company when it’s convenient for them.

If they only want to see you at night or at their place, you’re not really dating them. Unless you’re going on actual dates, spending the night at their place is a hookup, not a potential relationship.

If they want you to buy them things, pay for their rent, take them to the most expensive places… well, clearly they’re using you for your money.

If they want you to be available only when it’s convenient for them, text you only when they’re bored, or schedule a date with you just because all of their other plans got canceled, they’re using you for your company. And you shouldn’t agree to be anyone’s second choice when you deserve to be someone’s priority.

A final note…

A seated woman looks forward with a man standing behind her, covering her mouth with his hand. He places his other hand on her shoulder. The woman wears a gray top, and the man is dressed in a light gray shirt. The background is a textured gray wall.

You should note that the most important of these red flags aren’t really about your partner – they’re about you.

If you idealize your partner and see them as someone they’re not, you’re not doing anyone any favors. Knowing all the red flags to look out for won’t mean much if you choose to ignore them and justify your partner’s bad behavior. After all, if you know that someone’s wrong for you and still go after them, no one can help you.

Trust your instincts and try to see things as objectively as you can to make sure that you end up with the right person. Most importantly, don’t waste your time on those who are not right for you if you’re looking for something meaningful and long-lasting.