14 Ways To Fix An Emotionally Draining Relationship

Emotionally draining relationships are not healthy.

A woman with long brown hair, wearing a striped sweater, sits on a white couch looking concerned. In the background, a man with short hair, wearing a navy hoodie and jeans, sits on the edge of the couch facing away, both appearing upset in a bright room.

There are always times in a relationship where hard work is required, but these should be the exception, not the rule.

If you’re finding your relationship is wearing you down more than it’s picking you up, you’ve got a serious problem. If you want the relationship to last, with your mental health still intact, you need to do something about it.

Here are 14 ways to deal with an emotionally draining relationship.

1. Identify the problems in your relationship.

A bearded man in a gray shirt and plaid pajama bottoms sits on the edge of a bed, looking distressed with his hand on his temple. A woman in the background, wearing a pink shirt, sits on the bed facing away, creating a tense atmosphere.

Your relationship is emotionally draining, but why?

Do you frequently fight, is talking to them stressful, or do they always talk about their problems?

Maybe you don’t communicate well, or you don’t feel a strong connection with them. Identify all the problems in your relationship first so that you can tackle them one by one.

2. Talk to your partner about it.

A man in a white t-shirt and blue jeans is sitting on a beige couch, engaging in a conversation with a woman. He appears to be attentive, with his right arm resting on the back of the couch and his left hand on his knee. The woman is partially visible, gesturing with her hands.

Before you let your partner know about the problems in your relationship, keep in mind that they might not have been thinking about them as much as you have.

Maybe they are entirely unaware of how you’re feeling, so remember that before communicating with them.

When you do talk to them, let them know how you’ve been feeling lately and tell them that there are problems in your relationship that you need to work on together.

Your problems might be solvable simply by talking to your partner about them. If they were unaware of these things, once you bring them to their attention they might be willing to work on themselves and on the relationship.

Just think about the way you are going to communicate all this to them so as not to give them the wrong idea about your feelings or intentions for the relationship.

3. Consider things from their perspective.

A man and woman sit at a table in a bright kitchen, enjoying coffee and pancakes. The man gestures with his hand while talking, and the woman holds a coffee cup, attentively listening. Both are casually dressed and appear engaged in conversation.

Once you tell your partner that you’re unhappy with the way things are, they might shed some light on the subject.

For instance, maybe they have been negative lately because a family member has been diagnosed with a serious illness and they are afraid for their health.

Maybe they’ve been fighting with you because something you’re doing was bothering them, but they didn’t say anything about it.

Hear them out and consider things from their perspective. Try to understand them and consider their point of view before making a decision about your relationship.

4. Communicate your needs in a relationship.

A man with a beard and a woman with long hair sit at a table, smiling at each other. The man is holding a smartphone while the woman is holding a white coffee mug. They are in a well-lit, modern room with minimalistic decor.

Maybe your needs aren’t being met in the relationship, but have you talked about them with your partner?

Do you need more alone time? Do you need a certain level of loyalty and independence? Let your partner know about it and they might be willing to help you get what you want.

For instance, maybe they wanted you to spend all of your free time with them, but now they’ll understand you also need time for your hobbies and friends. They probably have other things going on in their life that they would like to give more attention to too.

Maybe not all of your needs can be met in the relationship, but by communicating them with each other, you can get more of them met by your partner, whilst finding ways to have the others met in other ways.

5. Start making compromises.

A woman with long hair, wearing a pink sweater and a watch, rests her head on her hand while sitting on a couch, looking thoughtful. A blurred person in a checkered shirt sits in the background. The scene appears to be indoors with soft lighting.

You can’t resolve arguments if you’re both focused solely on your own interests. Compromises are a part of every healthy relationship, and you should make them a habit in yours.

For instance, if you are fighting about who is going to take care of a boring chore and one of you is too tired to do it, the other one should do it this time.

Maybe you argue where you’ll go to dinner. Does trying Thai food for the first time mean more to your partner than eating your regular dose of Italian food means to you? Then go for Thai food.

There’s always a solution that you can both agree on, so make an effort to find it.

6. Learn more about attachment styles.

A man and woman stand together in a room near a window. The woman appears distressed with her hand on her forehead, while the man gently places his hands on her shoulders, offering comfort. Both are wearing casual grey t-shirts, with a blurred cityscape outside.

The reason you’re having problems in your relationship might be because your attachment styles are too different!

Learn about them to figure out if this could somehow help you improve your relationship.

The three main attachment styles are secure, anxious, and avoidant, although there are less common combinations of these.

A secure attachment style means that you can securely connect to your partner and still stay independent. An anxious style means that you’re insecure and emotionally hungry in a relationship. An avoidant style means that you’re afraid of closeness so you avoid intimacy.

If your partner’s attachment style is anxious and yours is avoidant, it makes sense that your relationship is emotionally draining! You can work on changing your attachment style, though this will take real time and effort on your parts.

7. Improve the way you argue.

A woman sits on a chair in a bright room, gesturing with her hands as she talks to a man standing in front of her wearing a white t-shirt and checkered shorts. The room has wooden floors, large windows, and neutral-colored furnishings.

Fights can be exhausting, so learning how to defuse them can help your relationship.

For instance, maybe you could calm things down by making your partner laugh, trying to hug them, or taking a break from the fight!

You don’t have to say hurtful things in the heat of the moment because you can just wait for the heat to die down, and the moment will pass.

If your fights are bad, find ways to cool things down and turn an argument into a calm discussion.

8. Admit your mistakes, and don’t be afraid to apologize.

A man sits on the edge of a bed, gesturing with his hand while talking to a woman standing with her arms crossed in front of a large window. The room has modern furnishings and gray curtains. The woman appears to be listening intently.

It’s okay to admit your mistakes and be the first to apologize. In fact, you should both do so.

You are going to fight if you have to be right all the time, so admit when you’re not

Don’t agree with your partner when you don’t truly want to, but when you are proven wrong or you’ve made a mistake, own it and admit it.

Encourage your partner to do the same. You should both learn to apologize more often because silently pouting for days or weeks just wastes your time and energy.

9. Don’t complain too much.

A man with a beard and a checked shirt, and a woman with long hair and a white tank top, are standing by a window in a bright room, holding white mugs and having a conversation.

If you’re the one who complains too often, ask yourself whether your partner could actually help you or if you’re complaining just for the sake of complaining.

If they can help you, by all means, share your problem with them, but don’t constantly talk about it if they can’t help you any more than they already have.

Maybe your partner constantly complains instead. If that’s so, try to sense when they really need you to listen, and be there for them at those times. When they’re not really looking for help, don’t make a big deal out of what they are complaining about.

They could still say it, it just doesn’t have to turn into a long discussion that leaves you feeling drained.

10. Focus on yourself and the things that you can change.

A woman with long, auburn hair looks pensively into the distance with her hand resting on her chin. Behind her, a blurred seascape under a clear sky is visible, capturing a serene, contemplative moment by the ocean.

Maybe you can’t change your partner, but you can change yourself. Focus on yourself for now and do more of the things that you enjoy doing.

Let your partner know that you need more time to yourself and go back to your friends, family, hobbies, and work responsibilities. Find the time for self-care and take care of yourself and your needs.

Work on the things that you can control and consider whether you can accept the things you can’t.

It will be good for you to put your attention on other things for a change, so don’t make your relationship a priority when you’ve started to feel drained. Fuel yourself with positive energy without your partner if you can’t do it with them.

11. Consider whether they are the right person for you.

A man wearing a light blue shirt gently cradles the head of a woman in a red blouse. Both appear to be in a moment of deep emotion. The man rests his forehead against the woman's as she looks down. The background is blurred, suggesting an outdoor setting.

If your partner leaves you feeling tired, it might be time to ask yourself whether they’re the right person for you.

A relationship can sometimes require a lot of your energy and attention, but it shouldn’t be like that all the time. Sometimes people just aren’t a good match.

Different people will bring out the different versions of you, and your perfect match is supposed to bring out the best in you, not the worst. They should make you feel positive and energized.

Again, it can’t always feel that way, but most of the time things should be more positive than negative. You certainly shouldn’t feel like you want to be away from your partner.

12. Spend some time apart.

A woman in a white coat stands in the foreground, covering her face with her hands. In the background, a man in a tan coat stands with his hands in his pockets. They are in front of a large, arched brick wall. The scene appears to be emotionally charged.

Pull back and get some distance from your partner if your relationship is still emotionally draining after you have tried all these suggestions.

You don’t have to end the relationship, but take some time apart to see if things will be better afterwards. Take a break and consider your relationship from a fresh perspective after you’ve had some time away from it.

There’s always a risk that this will lead to a breakup, but it is possible that you’ll come out of it stronger and improve your relationship. If things have gotten so bad that it doesn’t feel right to stay, you have to take that risk.

13. Think about whether your relationship is worth saving.

A woman with long dark hair is standing by a window, resting her arm on the brick wall, and looking outside. She is wearing a striped shirt and appears deep in thought. The light from the window softly illuminates her face.

After you’ve had some time to think, decide whether you want to give your relationship another chance or not.

Your relationship should be a source of positive energy more than it is a source of negative energy.

Are you both willing to put the effort into making your relationship more positive? Did you both work on yourselves during the time you were apart and is there a chance that things will get better?

Do you usually resolve arguments without screaming at each other, or can’t you communicate effectively anymore? Does spending time together make you both feel good?

Consider these things and decide whether you want to fight for your relationship or search for someone who might be a better match for you.

14. Talk to a relationship counselor.

Two people sit on a couch, facing a person holding a notepad and pen. The person with the notepad is presumably leading a discussion or counseling session. The room is well-lit with natural light streaming through windows in the background.

In the end, whatever you decide, it’s always good to consult with a professional who has experience with all sorts of relationship problems.

You can talk to a relationship counselor on your own or with your partner, and they will be able to give you more ways to improve your relationship or ways to cope with its failure and move on.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you are struggling with a problem, no matter how small the problem seems. If your relationship is ending, it is going to affect your mental health whether you work on saving it or give up on it, so let a professional help you go through this and come out of it stronger.