If you want to connect deeply with your partner, do these 18 things

Do you wish you could connect better with your partner?

A black and white photo of a couple embracing. The woman, with short curly hair and closed eyes, leans back slightly against the man's chest, who is leaning in close and holding her tightly. They are standing in a dimly lit room with a slightly open door in the background.

There’s nothing better than a deep connection with someone you care about.

Connecting on a deeper level could make you and your partner feel like you’re a match made in Heaven.

This connection doesn’t just happen on its own though. There are some things that you need to do to have such a bond with your loved one.

Keep reading to find out what you can do to connect more with your partner.

1. Give them your full attention.

A middle-aged couple sits on a white couch engaged in conversation. The man, with gray hair, is wearing a white shirt, and the woman, with blonde hair, is wearing a light blue striped shirt. Shelves with glassware are visible in the background.

Instead of looking at your phone or letting your eyes wander across the room, truly be present when you’re with your partner.

Focus on them and on the things they are telling you. Give them your undivided attention. Forget about everything else that’s happening around you. Let them feel listened to and, more importantly, heard.

This will make your partner feel special.

When you focus on each other whenever you’re together, it can help create a deeper bond. So try not to be distracted or distant when you meet up with your partner. If you are, explain to them why.

Other times, just make sure that your eyes are on them and that you show you care about what they have to say.

Observe them and try to learn about the ways they express their emotions without talking about them. You should be able to sense when they’re upset, happy, or when they have something to tell you. Pay attention to their body language and little hints they give you without saying anything.

2. Have meaningful conversations.

A couple sits on a cozy couch, facing each other and smiling, as they clink glasses of white wine. The setting appears warm and comfortable, with a blanket draped over the sofa and soft lighting creating a relaxed atmosphere.

You are not going to feel a strong connection with someone if you only ever talk about the weather or office gossip. Small talk and chit-chat are fine in small doses, but they’re not the way to connect with someone on a deep level.

Learn about your partner’s life, beliefs, fears, and dreams instead. Really get to know them for who they are and let them learn more about you too.

Have meaningful conversations about your fears from the past, goals in the present, and hopes for the future. Talk about the important things in life to feel connected.

It doesn’t all have to be about you and your life. Discuss movies, books, and music that you like. Talk about a play you’ve seen or a concert you’ve been to. Discuss politics, finances, and current events. Talk about your careers and hobbies. Be the kind of couple that can talk for hours without getting bored.

If you instead only talk about where you’re going to go and what you’re going to do, you’re not having meaningful conversations. And you need these kinds of conversations to create the connection you’re looking for.

You might connect over your likes and dislikes or even core beliefs, but don’t forget to also share other things about yourself.

3. Share things with each other.

A close-up of a couple standing forehead to forehead with their eyes closed, creating an intimate and serene moment. The background is softly blurred, capturing a warm and gentle light. Both are dressed casually in light-colored clothing.

What was your childhood like? What kind of relationship are you looking to have? Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? Share things like these with each other to connect more.

Open up and talk about your private life and your past. What does your partner do when they’re not with you? What makes them happy? What do they enjoy doing on their own? What kind of relationship do they have with their friends?

You should know these things about them, and they should have an insight into your private life as well.

Do you have any scars? Do you remember your first essay in school? Are you a dog person or a cat person? There’s an endless list of questions to ask your significant other to get to know them better.

Another thing to think about is this: if you and your partner are apart, you should have a pretty good idea what they are doing. If they’re hanging out with friends, you should know what that friendship is like.

In other words, yes, you should both have a life outside of the relationship, but you should keep each other updated about that life.

4. Actively listen and show you care.

A couple gazes into each other's eyes with intense emotion. The man with long hair holds the woman's face tenderly. The woman has short blonde hair and bright red lipstick. They are standing outdoors, with blurred greenery and water in the background.

It’s not enough to know things about your partner’s life, you should be invested in their life as well.

People can tell when you truly care about what they’re saying and when you’re just nodding at the right time. Don’t just pretend that you’re listening. Make your partner feel heard to have a deeper connection.

Ask them questions to show that you’re interested in learning more. Remember the details that they mention. Bring up the things they told you when you talk again and ask follow-up questions.

For instance, if your partner has mentioned their sister’s wedding, ask about it when the date is approaching.

Use the things that they tell you to surprise them and make them happy. For example, maybe they mention the kind of food they like best, in which case you could take them to an appropriate restaurant. Maybe they talk about a band they like so you could surprise them with concert tickets. If they mentioned that they like daffodils, surprise them with a bouquet of their favorite flowers.

These things and more show that you care and that you were listening.

5. Let them show you love in their own way.

A close-up of two people holding hands while standing outdoors. The person on the left is wearing dark pants and a green shirt, and the person on the right is wearing black shorts and a white top. The background is a grassy field lit with warm sunlight.

Not everyone shows love in the same way, so be open to different ways of expressing love.

Maybe you’d like a big romantic gesture, and you’re sad that your partner doesn’t do that. However, maybe they do your chores and help you out with things you need fixed. While this is not the grand gesture you crave, it’s their way of showing you that they care.

Be willing to accept your partner’s way of showing love without pressuring them to show love in the way you want them to.

While it might be great to get an expensive present, maybe your partner instead makes sure that you have hot soup when you’ve got the flu. Don’t be sad that you didn’t get the present; be glad that you have someone to take care of you.

There are five main love languages that people use, and learning more about them can help your relationship.

Some people prefer to show love through physical touch, while others prefer quality time together. Some like gifts, while others like words of affirmation. Your partner might have a fifth love language which would be acts of service. Not everyone is great with words, but they might show love through things that they do for you.

6. Talk about your problems.

A man with a beard and a woman with long hair sit at a table, smiling at each other. The man is holding a smartphone while the woman is holding a white coffee mug. They are in a well-lit, modern room with minimalistic decor.

One bad fight could end a relationship, so the way you handle problems matters. Don’t let things get too heated, use name-calling, or give the silent treatment. Talk about your problems instead, and try to be honest, compassionate, and calm.

Sure, this can’t always happen, and people get upset during fights. However, it’s important that you always have the same goal in mind. You want to resolve the argument and stay together, not let it blow up and drive you apart.

As long as you keep that in mind even during fights, your fights will be constructive. You’ll focus on finding the solution instead of hurting each other.

Be willing to make compromises and don’t make it your goal to be right. Be okay with being proven wrong, accepting your part of the blame, and apologizing for your mistakes.

Maybe you don’t fight so much, but you shove problems under the rug. Don’t do that. Discuss your problems and see if you can find a solution together. Remember, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

7. Show affection and be kind.

A smiling man with a beard in a denim jacket playfully covers the eyes of a woman holding a bouquet of flowers. They are both standing outdoors in an urban setting, with buildings in the background. The woman is laughing and wearing a leather jacket.

The best way to get love is to give love. Show affection in both little and big ways. Make your partner feel appreciated and cared for. Be kind to them and be thankful for the things that they do for you and for having them in your life.

Treat them well and they’ll be more likely to treat you the same way in return.

Learn about their love language and show them love in their preferred way sometimes. Show affection through physical touch too. Give them a kiss whenever you meet, hold their hand when you’re walking, and hug them before you leave.

Surprise them with a great date, a thoughtful present, or both. Tell them that you love them and make them feel your love by treating them kindly. Compliment them and make them feel good about themselves when they’re around you. Help them out by doing things for them or giving them good advice.

You don’t have to pick just one love language, use them all because they all translate to love.

8. Consider their needs and emotions.

A couple sits closely together under a large, modern metallic sculpture. The woman in a blue striped dress holds a straw hat and rests her head on the man's shoulder, who is in a white shirt and shorts. The sky is partly cloudy, creating a serene backdrop.

In a relationship, you can’t think only about your own needs. Consider your partner’s needs and try to meet them.

What’s more, you don’t have to assume things. Ask them what they need and how you can make them happy.

However, try to be aware of the things that they’re not telling you. Your partner is probably not going to ask you to hug them when they’re crying but you know that it’s what you should do.

Try to be more aware of their needs and consider their emotions as well. Learn to recognize what your partner is feeling even if they don’t tell you about it.

When they’re upset, don’t take it personally. Let them vent to you, or give them some space to process their feelings on their own.

Try to understand the reasons they feel the way they feel. To do this, you need to look beyond the surface and learn more about your partner. For instance, if they get upset when you touch their things, maybe it is because they shared a room with two siblings. Let them know that you understand.

9. Talk to a therapist.

A close-up of a therapist's hands holding a pen and notepad, gesturing while speaking. In the background, a couple sits on a couch, attentively listening with their hands placed on their laps. The setting appears to be a counseling or therapy session.

Creating a deeper connection takes effort, and sometimes it’s not enough for the two of you to make that effort.

You might need help from a relationship expert, so don’t hesitate to talk to one! They could give you tailored advice based on your situation and suggest more ways you could grow closer together.

People don’t talk to a therapist only when they’re struggling with a major issue. The insight of someone who specializes in relationships could be useful to any couple that wants their relationship to succeed.

Talking to a therapist is not taboo anymore, it is a great way to get an objective point of view and helpful advice. And you can now get that advice from the comfort of your own home through remote couples counselling.

10. Keep an open mind and don’t judge them.

A young couple holding hands while walking outdoors and drinking coffee. Both are wearing sunglasses, with the woman in a pink hoodie and jeans, and the man in a yellow hoodie and jeans. They appear to be enjoying a pleasant day in a park-like setting.

Your partner should feel that they’re in a safe, non-judgmental place when they’re with you. And what’s more, you can’t really get to know them if you don’t keep an open mind and try to stand in their shoes once in a while.

Don’t shame them or make them feel stupid for sharing something with you. They shouldn’t be afraid of looking foolish in front of you. It’s very important that your partner feels like they can be themselves around you. So let them feel like they could tell you anything because you’d never judge them or make them feel embarrassed.

Men in particular are often taught that sharing intimate emotions and fears is a sign of weakness. Help your partner understand that they can share everything with you and that it doesn’t make them in any way weak. Don’t make fun of them or make them feel stupid. Accept and love them for who they are and let them act like themselves around you.

11. Be empathetic.

A couple stands outside an industrial-style building on a cold day. They are dressed in warm clothing; the man wears a beanie and dark coat while the woman has on a mustard yellow coat and red gloves. They embrace while looking at the camera.

When you’re capable of putting yourself in your partner’s shoes, you understand them better. In addition, seeing things from each other’s perspective makes arguments much easier and more productive.

Now, you shouldn’t try to read your partner’s mind or assume things about them. Instead, let them share things with you and try to be empathetic.

If you always try to see your partner’s point of view, you’ll connect on a deeper level.

It’s especially important to stop and consider your partner’s perspective when you’re fighting. A lot of fights happen simply because of misunderstandings. Don’t assume that you know what’s going on in your partner’s head. Make an effort to actually understand how their mind works by considering their perspective.

You’ll learn what matters to your partner and how they see the world. Sometimes you won’t see things the same way, and this is when it’s important to try to see their side of the story.

12. Be silly and playful and have fun.

A man and a woman are playfully engaging in a mock sword fight in a bright, modern kitchen. The man wields a duster, and the woman uses a mop. Both are wearing casual clothes and cleaning gloves, and they appear to be having fun. The kitchen is clean and organized.

Even though you’re in a serious relationship, you don’t need to be serious all the time.

In fact, you shouldn’t. Laugh together, have fun, and don’t be afraid to get playful and act silly.

Mention silly things that occurred during your day or funny things that you saw online. Ask them what kind of superpower they would like to have or what’s their favorite animal.

While meaningful conversations are important, it’s also important to have some fun and keep things light. Laughing together is a great way to connect on a deeper level. Joke around, tease each other, and do fun things.

You are partners, but you should also be friends. And friends have fun together.

Try new things, engage in fun activities, and use humor whenever appropriate. Smile more often and look on the bright side of life. Having a more positive attitude is always good for a relationship, but it’s also good for you.

13. Be vulnerable.

A young woman with flower adornments in her hair rests her head on the shoulder of a young man while gently holding his shoulder. They are outdoors in a sunlit, sandy area, sharing a tender moment. The sunlight creates a warm and serene atmosphere.

Reveal your weaknesses and deep emotions to each other. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable.

Your partner should be able to tell you about the things that hurt them or deeply affect them. Open up to each other and show your vulnerable, human side. This is one of the most effective ways to connect on a deeper level and truly get to know each other.

Share your fears and doubts with each other. Talk about your feelings and even cry if you feel like crying. You should feel safe enough to expose yourself like that with your partner.

Being emotionally vulnerable with someone also means that you trust them. So, you are also building trust when you get vulnerable. Confide in your partner and let them tell you things that they don’t tell anyone else. Make sure never to reveal their secrets to anyone or to expose them in front of someone else.

14. Do nice things for each other.

A woman with curly hair leans over a man sitting on the floor, smiling and giving him a shoulder massage. The man has his eyes closed and a relaxed expression. They are in a cozy living room with shelves filled with books and a couch in the background.

Give your partner a back massage, take them to the movies, surprise them with a thoughtful gift… basically, do nice things for each other and you’ll be more connected.

It doesn’t have to be anything huge, just try to make your partner happy every now and then. You could remember to buy them their favorite candy when you’re shopping for groceries. You could do the dishes after they make you dinner. You could bring them coffee to work. Do little things like these whenever you get the chance.

This is a great way to build emotional intimacy. And while you do need physical intimacy in your relationship, don’t neglect emotional intimacy.

Give your partner compliments and make them feel good about themselves. Support them when they’re trying to achieve a goal and celebrate it with them when they achieve it.

Take care of them when they’re not feeling well and offer a shoulder to cry on when they’re sad.

15. Connect through things you have in common.

A woman and a man sit beside a green tent in a hilly landscape. Both are smiling and appear to be enjoying their time outdoors. The surroundings are lush with green grass and scattered bushes. The sky is clear, and the atmosphere seems peaceful and relaxed.

As you learn more about each other, you’ll discover more things that you have in common. Use those things to bond and connect.

Maybe some of your common interests could be turned into a hobby that you’ll engage in together. If you like the same music, you could simply enjoy listening to music together. Maybe you both like being in nature, in which case you could go hiking together or have a picnic in the park.

Find more things that you have in common, and they don’t have to be your interests. Maybe you’re both outgoing, compassionate, and witty. Talk about your common goals and values as well.

Maybe you both want to have a big family, or you’re both looking to lose weight so you could join the gym and work out as a couple. Perhaps you both care about helping others, so you could volunteer together.

Discover all the things that you have in common and let them help you connect on a deeper level.

16. Talk about the future.

A man and woman sit on the floor of a kitchen with moving boxes around them. The man has curly hair and a beard, wearing a plaid shirt. The woman, with wavy hair, smiles and gestures with her hand, wearing a pink shirt. The setting suggests they are moving in together.

Making plans for the future is fun and a great way to bond. Talk about the house you’ll live in and how you’ll decorate it. Come up with your future kids’ names. Plan a vacation together. Talk about your career plans and places that you’d like to visit.

Will you have a pet? Would you like a shower or bathtub? In which neighborhood would you like to live? What will be the color of the walls in your bedroom?

Don’t be afraid to talk about the details and have some fun while planning. Talking about the future doesn’t have to be a serious discussion about things like relationship goals, marriage, and finances. Talk about those things too, but take time to enjoy planning the future together.

You could stay up for hours discussing the kind of furniture that you’ll have in your home. You can even talk about sending your kids to college someday. Talking about the future can be a fun activity that brings you closer together.

17. Ask open-ended questions.

A couple wearing white shirts is lying in bed together. The man has curly hair and facial hair; he is looking at the woman with affection. The woman, with wavy hair, leans her head on the man's shoulder, holding his hand. They are resting against a blue headboard.

There is something people who work in sales learn that’s also good for relationships: it is to avoid asking questions that can be answered with yes or no. Ask open-ended questions instead; the kind of questions that require a thorough answer.

Not only does this let you learn more about your partner, but it also reminds them that you were listening. If you ask your partner “Were things okay at work?” they could answer with yes or no. Instead, ask them something like “What did your boss say about your proposal?”

Ask follow-up questions too. This shows that you’re interested in learning more about them and want to prolong the conversation. Instead of asking “Are you okay?” ask “How are you feeling?” and the response might be entirely different.

18. Go on dates and make memories.

A smiling woman wearing sunglasses and a gray turtleneck stands in front of a colorful carousel, holding hands with a man in a dark coat. The man has light brown hair and a beard. The carousel features ornate decorations and horses.

Don’t stop dating just because you’re in a relationship. Have a date night every week and do something different as often as possible.

A date doesn’t have to be a dinner and a movie. There are thousands of great date ideas that you could try. See a comedy show, visit a jazz bar, go skydiving, rent a limo, see a play… the possibilities are endless.

And you don’t even have to leave your home. Play a board game, have a movie marathon, cook together, or pretend that the electricity has gone out. Keep things fun and interesting and make a lot of great memories together.

Try new things, meet new people, try different hobbies, and visit new places. You won’t ever get bored in a relationship if you keep doing fun things that people normally do when they’re starting to date.