Do you feel like a square peg in a round hole?
The world can be a lonely place when you feel as though no one understands you.
It’s not like your ideas or behavior are that outlandish. They just don’t conform to how everyone else thinks and acts.
You like different things. The way you see the world is unique. Because of that, you feel like a square peg in a round hole everywhere you go.
It’s easy to jump to negative conclusions when you feel no one understands you. Maybe they don’t understand you because they think you’re weird. Or perhaps there’s something wrong with you.
But, that’s usually not the case. You are not so weird that no one understands you out of billions of people in this world.
Nothing could be so wrong with you that no one could relate to or comprehend you.
Then why do you feel this way? Here are 8 possible reasons:
1. You don’t know who you are.
Sometimes, the challenge of feeling misunderstood starts with needing to know who you really are.
It’s like you’re looking in a mirror but seeing a blurry reflection.
You can’t quite see what you look like. It’s almost as though you’re putting on an act, pretending to be someone you’re not.
Many of us have been told who we should be or what we should like all our lives. Only as adults have we been free to try to answer those questions for ourselves.
But when you don’t know yourself, you can hardly blame others for not knowing or understanding you.
If you want to find your place in the world, if you want others to know and ‘get’ you, you must develop self-awareness and know yourself first.
2. You’re afraid.
Fear might be the underlying emotion when you feel no one understands you.
Perhaps you’ve been hurt before. As a result, the memory of the pain you went through makes it difficult for you to open up to others.
You’re afraid of intimacy and vulnerability, so you unknowingly push people away.
Or you fear rejection, so you’re wary of exposing your true self to others to avoid being rebuffed or turned down.
Maybe you’re terrified of what others think about you, or you’re afraid of not being liked when you’re being yourself. You worry other people are judging you, which colors and overshadows your interactions.
Hurt feelings and broken trust can be very hard to mend. So, to protect yourself, you keep at a safe distance. You’ve built a wall around your heart to protect it from harm.
What you don’t realize is that while it keeps you safe from hurt and pain, it’s also keeping you from love and understanding.
3. Your relationship is codependent.
In codependent relationships, boundaries are blurred, and individual identities are lost in the shuffle.
The lines between your and the other person’s needs are so intertwined that you feel entangled and unseen.
Your thoughts, desires, and feelings are not your own. You’re not a unique individual.
Instead, you’re a combination of personalities that do not reflect your true identity.
Add to that the constant need for approval and validation, which is a characteristic of co-dependent relationships, and it’s no wonder you feel as if no one understands you.
No one can see you.
Your codependent relationship has overshadowed who you truly are.
4. Your communication style is different from those around you.
People may not understand what you’re saying or struggle to grasp your thoughts and feelings if you use a different communication style to them (and they to you).
This is particularly common when you’re communicating with someone who has a different neurotype to you. For example, if you’re autistic or ADHD and you’re talking to a neurotypical person (or vice versa).
Perhaps you have difficulty expressing your wants, desires, and thoughts verbally. The right words might elude you.
Or conversely maybe your friends and family use language in a way you don’t understand, and things get taken the wrong way.
Perhaps you assume your close friends and family should know what you mean because of your intimate relationship.
Communication is a two-way street. Expressing your thoughts, desires, and needs is crucial for fostering understanding.
So, for both parties, it’s important to be explicit and not assume people know what you mean.
If you find expressing yourself difficult, explain this to people so they can be more understanding.
That way when misunderstandings happen, people can act with compassion, rather than taking offense.
5. You expect one person to meet all your needs.
It’s possible you feel misunderstood because you expect one person to meet all your emotional, mental, and physical needs.
It’s like you’re living in a house that has multiple doors, all with different locks. But you expect a single key to open all the doors.
As complex human beings, one person can’t understand every aspect of our multifaceted personalities.
One person cannot be everything to you and for you. You need different people to contribute to your diverse needs.
For example, different people may be better at providing emotional, social, practical, or informational support.
You will rarely find someone who excels in all those areas, so expecting one person to support you in all those ways will only lead to disappointment and isolation.
Different connections serve different purposes.
Embracing this reality helps to alleviate the burden on any particular relationship, fostering a more realistic and fulfilling approach to human connections.
6. Your relationship is moving too fast.
Do you expect your relationships to bloom overnight?
If you often feel like others don’t understand you, it might be because your relationships are moving too fast.
Relationships need time to unfold naturally.
Pushing for speed in a new relationship may create an illusion of understanding rather than foster a genuine connection. It takes time for trust and intimacy to deepen.
Wanting to become close to someone quickly makes it hard for deep understanding to grow. Also, expecting your partner to be everything to and for you makes it hard for you to see how others can help and support you.
Relationships, like stories, work best when they go at their own pace.
7. You’re suffering from depression.
You may be feeling as though nobody understands you because of an underlying mental health condition like depression.
Mental health problems can cause you to feel as though you have a heavy, dark cloud over you, making everything seem harder.
You’ll struggle to articulate your emotions or you may even hide them out of shame.
This will make it especially hard for others to understand what you’re feeling or going through.
Your mental health may even influence your perception, causing you to feel as though no one understands you.
If you find yourself caught in the grips of a mental health crisis, it’s important to recognize that it’s not a personal shortcoming but a condition that many people battle.
8. You have the wrong group of friends.
Surrounding yourself with the wrong tribe can make you feel misunderstood.
It’s like trying to wear your shoes on the wrong foot; the fit just isn’t right. Your feet will feel uncomfortable and restricted.
Being constantly surrounded by people who don’t resonate with your values and interests, or who don’t understand your communication style, can lead to a sense of isolation.
It could also be that the friends you have no longer fit with the person you’re becoming as you mature and grow.
It’s okay to outgrow your social group as you evolve and change. Friends who once understood you might not necessarily continue to do so as you embark on new paths and gain new perspectives.
Don’t stay with people out of familiarity. Forcing yourself to stay with the wrong group of friends might eventually impact your sense of connection.
