If Your Relationship Has Any Of These 8 Traits, It's Seriously Toxic

1. Codependence.

A couple lies on a bed, facing each other and smiling. The man has a beard and is wearing a gray shirt, while the woman, who has blonde hair, is in a black top. They are embracing each other lovingly.

Independence is such a key aspect of being in a healthy, functioning relationship.

It really is crucial in any relationship – you still need your own life, your own support system, your own thoughts and feelings.

Many of us feel so connected to someone (especially when we’re in the early ‘honeymoon’ phase) that we almost forget who we really are.

Stay independent and your relationship will benefit so much from it.

That means going off and doing your own thing, enjoying alone time, spending time with friends that aren’t part of your mutual friendship group, and not being scared to have time away from your partner.

This will lead to a healthy approach to the relationship and help you avoid any toxic codependency – which we’ll explain more now…

2. Unhealthy attachments and poor boundaries.

Close-up of a man and a woman holding hands with thick metal chains wrapped around their wrists. They are standing side by side, the man wearing gray pants and the woman blue jeans. The background is blurred, focusing on their hands and the chains binding them together.

When we first start seeing someone, things can become very intense very quickly.

It’s worth taking a step back to consider what this means.

How are you both forming attachments to each other? Does it feel codependent or does it feel balanced and free from any kind of pressure?

Do you feel anxious if they don’t reply to a text straight away?

Are they pressuring you to commit after just a few dates?

It’s worth paying attention to this kind of thing when you first start seeing someone, as it often indicates how the relationship will unfold as you move forward.

But also watch out for signs later down the line. Sometimes, toxic people will reel you in at the start with good behavior, only to start showing their true colors once they’ve got you hooked.

The ability to form and maintain healthy boundaries is also key, and you should feel comfortable saying no to things, and they should feel comfortable receiving that – and vice versa.

It’s so important to spend time alone, to have healthy boundaries in place, and to feel comfortable enough with each other to form balanced, healthy attachments.

Always remember that you are two wholes coming together in union – you do not ‘complete’ one another.

3. Losing yourself.

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a beige knit sweater, looks out a window with a pensive expression. One of her hands rests on the window frame while the other touches the glass. The atmosphere appears reflective and calm.

We’ve all been there – you meet someone amazing and before you know it, your life has become all about them.

You’ve not been to your weekly yoga class for months, you’re bailing on friends to spend more time with your partner, and you might have gone against some of your principles or lifestyle choices to better fit in with them.

This is somewhat normal but it’s not very healthy, and it can quickly lead to a very intense relationship – and some resentment.

You might think you love that your life is so interlinked with theirs, but, at some point, you’ll start resenting the fact that you’re with them and their friends at the pub instead of your friends at your dance class.

If you’re looking for something meaningful in a relationship, look for the ability to stay true to yourself.

Find someone who you’re comfortable being with, as well as not being with. You should feel able to have a life outside your relationship – as should your partner.

4. Shouldering the emotional load.

A man wearing a mustard yellow cap, bright yellow shirt, maroon blazer, and plaid pants is sitting in a gray chair with his eyes closed. He is holding a white coffee cup in his right hand and appears relaxed. Light filters through a window in the background.

The ‘honeymoon’ phase with a new partner is amazing – but what happens when real life hits?

It’s great to be with someone who’s funny and exciting, but it’s important to look for someone who can support you and be there for you.

You’ll weather a lot as a couple, and you need to be with someone who can share that emotional load and be by your side.

You might have been with partners before who allow you to take on emotional burdens or stresses in your life without helping out or supporting you. This is a form of emotional neglect, and it’s toxic.

You deserve someone who can stand with you, hold your hand, and conquer things with you – as a couple.

5. Stunting your personal growth.

A man and a woman sit together at an outdoor cafe. The man has short dark hair and a striped shirt, looking contemplatively to the side. The woman has long blonde hair and is slightly blurred, wearing a patterned cardigan over a white top.

When we spend a lot of time with someone we love, we can really start to see ourselves as an entity.

This is totally normal, and lovely, but you need to remember that you can still grow yourself.

Not everything you plan needs to be a plan for you as a couple – it can be a plan for you as an individual.

Being with a partner who encourages you to grow is amazing. It means that they are accepting of who you are, as well as who you want to be, and show that they support your personal progress.

Being with a partner who tries to stunt your personal growth is toxic.

When your partner encourages your growth it shows that they’re not jealous or insecure in your relationship and that they have enough faith in you to grow without outgrowing them.

Some partners get very territorial and worry that their partner’s progress will lead them away – this is really not the case!

Remember that the ability, and commitment, to bettering yourself is so attractive in a partner. Who doesn’t find ambition attractive, right?

Growing and developing shouldn’t be scary or worrying for your partner if they are secure in themselves – it doesn’t mean you’re growing apart, it means you’re taking accountability and responsibility for yourself and you want to keep working on yourself.

6. Criticizing and rejecting your differences.

A woman with her hand on her temples appears distressed in the foreground, while a man with raised hand gestures is seated behind her. The background shows a living room setting with blurred furniture.

A lot of us, when asked, would say that we’d like someone who enjoys the same things as us. That makes a lot of sense, especially if we’re after someone to join us on our Sunday cycles or our wild Fridays out.

However, we all have differences and in a healthy relationship people accept each other’s differences

This is a key strength in a relationship, and you should not only accept your differences but celebrate them.

If your partner tries to eradicate your differences, or make you toe their line, this is toxic.

Your differences are what will help you become even closer, and are a key aspect of you both retaining your own personalities despite merging your lives together.

7. Being closed-minded.

A young woman and man sit on a couch. The woman has her arms crossed and looks away, appearing upset or frustrated. The man is turned toward her, speaking with a concerned expression and gesturing with his hands, indicating he is trying to communicate.

Being open to new ideas and beliefs is important in any relationship, and it should be something that goes both ways.

As we mentioned above, it’s important to celebrate differences between you and your partner, but this goes beyond that.

It’s not just about enjoying having different interests, but both being open and adaptable – partly to each other’s ideas, but also to the challenges you may face together as a couple.

You might need to be open-minded about your partner choosing to study abroad for 6 months, or you might want them to be open to the idea of you starting your own business or quitting your job to freelance.

Things will happen while you’re together that neither of you could, or would, have planned for. Being open to these things and being willing to put the time and effort in to adapting to them is vital.

Of course, we’re not saying you or your partner should go along with things that are unreasonable, but refusing to even consider these things can become toxic if it’s prevents you from achieving your goals and ambitions.

8. Distrust and disrespect.

A woman and a man sit on a bed in a bright room with white brick walls. Both have serious expressions and look away from each other, suggesting tension or disagreement. The woman sits in the foreground, while the man is in the background, holding his chin.

There are certain expectations that people have for their relationships that are just unrealistic.

However, you should absolutely look for trust in a relationship – and that should be the bare minimum.

So many of us want constant entertainment from a funny partner who makes us laugh all the time, and who we have great, intense passion with.

We sometimes forget how important it is to feel safe and considered; respected and loved.

These are things to look for in a healthy relationship and are what will make something go from a fun fling to a long-term, caring partnership.

Look for someone who listens to you and makes you feel heard – and be ready to offer the same back.

You deserve to be with someone who trusts you and gives you the freedom to live your life without being questioned or accused – and you need to extend that same trust and respect to your partner.

Finally…

A woman and a man are in a modern restaurant. She is seated at a table with sushi and a cup of tea, looking up at him. The man, in a dark blazer, stands next to her, leaning forward slightly, engaged in conversation. The restaurant has a stylish, contemporary interior.

So, if you were wondering what to look for in a relationship, and what to avoid, you should have some great ideas now.

Beyond physical attraction and a similar taste in music, you need to consider the characteristics of the relationship you want – not just the person you want.

Remember your worth and keep your standards high. Don’t tolerate toxic behaviors. Nothing on this list is unusual or demanding; they’re simply real-life aspects of a relationship that delve into the realities of being with someone, and not just the romanticized idea of your dream partner.

Keep looking, stay positive, and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve…