8 Brutally Honest Reasons You Can't Keep A Relationship Going

It’s always the same story…

A woman in a white dress sits at a table with a glass of red wine, looking to the side with a disinterested expression. In the background, a man in a suit is seated at another table, holding a wine glass and appearing thoughtful. Both are in a dimly lit restaurant.

…a few months into a new relationship, just when things start getting a bit more serious, you find yourself getting restless.

You start to wonder if it’s you that’s the problem, not them.

Well, you could be right. Here are 8 reasons that might explain why you just can’t keep a relationship going. And luckily for you, they are things you can do something about.

1. You love the excitement of dating.

A smiling woman wearing sunglasses and a gray turtleneck stands in front of a colorful carousel, holding hands with a man in a dark coat. The man has light brown hair and a beard. The carousel features ornate decorations and horses.

You know the period right at the beginning of a relationship when you don’t yet really know the other person or know where you stand? When it’s all new and you just can’t keep your hands off them?

Some people absolutely hate that feeling, finding it stressful and unsettling. They’d do anything to just skip past it to the part where they feel settled, secure, and loved.

But some people are addicted to that emotional rollercoaster of lust and uncertainty. They love the chemical cocktail or adrenaline, dopamine, and oxytocin coursing through their veins.

They’re constantly seeking that thrill and are convinced that one day they’ll find someone with whom that feeling won’t ever fade, no matter how long they’re with them.

Spoiler: that feeling will never last forever. It can’t.

So the issue might be that you’re just in love with that initial period and can’t deal with it when a relationship starts transitioning into something more established and settled and less exciting.

2. You thrive on drama.

smiling woman looking at phone - illustrating texting too much before a first date

You might not want to admit it, but you’re all about the drama. You like a bit of intrigue and want to have things to get worked up about and complain about. In all areas of your life, but especially in your romantic life.

So, when things are going well with someone, you consciously or subconsciously look for ways to sabotage things, as you prefer the adrenaline that comes with drama to the warmth of a comfortable, happy, easy relationship.

3. You don’t really want a relationship.

A man and a woman are sitting on a park bench. The man, wearing a light blue shirt and shorts, is looking at the woman. The woman, in a white blouse and denim shorts, is smiling and holding a smartphone. A white bicycle is parked next to the bench.

Even in the 21^st century, there’s still a huge amount of pressure to couple up with someone.

Despite some big leaps forward in our general mindset, a lot of people are still under the impression that if you don’t choose to share your life with another person, you’ve failed in some way. That your choice is less valid.

So you might just be searching for a relationship because you feel like that’s what you should be doing, but your heart’s not really in it.

Deep down, you don’t actually want a relationship (at least, not right now), so you get bored whenever you’re in one and find a way to end it.

4. You feel like having a partner holds you back.

A young man and woman stand next to a brick wall, both wearing white tops. The woman, with silver hair, leans on the man's shoulder while looking into the distance. The man, with short dark hair, looks towards her with a neutral expression.

You feel stifled in a relationship. You feel like having a partner clips your wings.

So after the initial excitement of the relationship has faded, you start getting frustrated about having to take another person’s needs into consideration and not being able to live life entirely on your own terms.

The problem here probably doesn’t have anything to do with the person you’re dating – if your partner is deliberately holding you back and limiting you, then that’s a whole other problem.

The truth is that you are probably the main reason why you feel like you’re being held back.

The issue might be that you get too swept up in relationships at the beginning. You stop spending time on your hobbies and passions and start neglecting your family and friends.

You willingly change your behavior, consciously or subconsciously, and then when you start feeling bored and hemmed in, you blame your partner for limiting you or holding you back, when it was all down to you in the first place.

5. You’re dating the wrong people.

A woman with long blond hair, wearing a blue shirt, rests her chin on her hand and looks thoughtfully at a man sitting across from her in a restaurant. The man has short hair and is wearing a blue top. Both are seated at a table with drinks.

You might be getting itchy feet in relationships because said relationships are always with the wrong people.

Maybe you tend to go for looks and physical attraction over and above everything else. You look for someone with a gym body and a certain hair color, and don’t stop to think about what’s going on under the surface.

And inevitably, that physical attraction fades pretty quickly and you find you have nothing in common and nothing to talk about, and you’re suddenly bored stiff in their company.

6. You think the grass is always greener.

A woman in a gray skirt and white sweater is smiling and engaging in conversation with a man in a pink shirt. They are in an office setting with coffee cups and papers scattered on the table in front of them. The atmosphere appears collaborative and professional.

This is a huge problem in our modern society, where dating apps are the norm and you always know that there are countless ‘other options’ just a swipe away.

People are convinced that if they just keep looking they’ll find a better option, so they get itchy feet in relationships.

7. You have unrealistic expectations.

A man and woman, both wearing black clothing, traverse through a lush green field of tall wheat. The woman, wearing a hat, has her arms outstretched and smiles at the man, who looks back at her. A line of trees is visible in the background under a golden sky.

Your problem might be that you’ve read too many romantic novels and watched too many Disney films, and are expecting something from a relationship that you’re never going to get.

You want to be swept off your feet by the person of your dreams and to live happily ever after. So you always end up feeling disappointed in relationships, getting bored and wanting to move on.

8. There’s no spontaneity.

A man and woman sitting at a table with cups and cookies in front of them. The man is talking animatedly with hand gestures while the woman rests her head on her hand, appearing uninterested or bored. The setting is a kitchen with appliances and fruit in the background.

Both you and the people you date seem to struggle with spontaneity. You very quickly fall into a set routine that doesn’t change from one week to the next, and there are just no surprises anymore.

So it’s only natural that you get bored. Routine is great, but we need a little variety in our lives to keep things interesting.

Finally…

A man and woman sit on the floor in front of a beige couch. The man, holding a bottle, is pouring a drink into a glass held by the woman. Both are casually dressed in light-colored tops and jeans, and they are looking at each other, smiling.

Thankfully most of these are things you can do something about. With the right person and the right attitude, you can say goodbye to a string of relationships that didn’t quite make it and say hello to one that will.