If Your Relationship Is Drifting Apart, You're Making These 13 Mistakes

Are you growing together or apart?

A close-up of a couple hugging each other. The man, with a beard, is wearing a gray t-shirt, and he has one hand gently placed on the woman's head. The woman, also in a gray shirt, has her head resting on the man's chest with a serene expression.

Couples are supposed to grow together in their relationships, but not all of them manage to.

After all, it’s not an easy task. It requires hard work, commitment, and patience to grow as a person, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

If you’ve noticed you and your partner are drifting apart lately, you need to take action before the gap between you gets too big.

Start by identifying if you’re making these common mistakes, and then work on eradicating them, one by one.

1. You’re settling for “good enough.”

A woman with long blonde hair gazes intently at a man whose back is turned towards the camera. They stand close together in an outdoor setting with green foliage blurred in the background. The scene suggests a serious or emotional conversation.

Everything you care about requires you to learn, grow, and improve so that it will bring you more happiness. This includes your relationships.

So if something isn’t the way it should be, don’t just settle for the way it is. Be ready and willing to invest effort into creating the kind of life that you want to live.

What would make you happier than you already are? How can you be a happier person in general? Don’t settle for the current state of your relationship when things could get even better if the two of you choose to grow as individuals and as a couple.

Naturally, you love each other the way you are, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle and accept all the shortcomings that you might have. Work on them instead and strive to be a better person and a better partner to your loved one.

When there’s two of you, it’s even easier to work on personal development because you can encourage each other to keep going until you’re where you really want to be, and not where it’s just good enough.

2. You’re not working as a team.

A man and woman are sitting at a table by a window, having a conversation. The woman gestures with one hand while holding a glass with a drink in the other. There are croissants and cups on the table. The setting appears to be a bright, sunny room.

A healthy relationship requires teamwork. With all the responsibilities of life, it can be hard to focus on self-improvement. But that is why there’s two of you. You can help each other find enough time to work on yourselves and be each other’s greatest support.

Your partner can cheer you on when you’re striving to be better and applaud your success when you make progress. And you can do the same for them. You can work as an efficient team with a common goal.

If you can do that, there’s no limit to how much better things can be, and no limit to how much better you can be. Create the life you always wanted by working toward it together and encouraging each other to improve.

3. You’re not arguing constructively.

A man and woman are sitting on a couch in a living room, engaged in a heated discussion. The man has his hands raised in frustration, while the woman is holding a piece of paper and gesturing as she talks. Shelves with books and plants are in the background.

Arguing is actually good for a relationship, and every healthy relationship includes fights. The key is that happy couples fight constructively and focus on finding the solution together instead of just yelling insulting nonsense at each other in the heat of the moment.

Disagreements happen and are important for growth, but it’s crucial that you actually listen to each other while you argue and give up the need to be right no matter the cost. You need to stay respectful and be willing to apologize when you make a mistake.

Healthy communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and if you can’t communicate properly your fights are going to reflect that. On the bright side, if you work on communicating better, you will simultaneously improve the way you fight.

Start by putting a stop to yelling, insults, and name-calling because these things never yield a positive result and typically make things even worse.

4. You always have to be right.

A man and woman sit on blue chairs in an airport, engaged in conversation. The man gestures animatedly while the woman, with her arm around his shoulder, listens attentively. A laptop rests on the man's lap, and a black backpack and yoga mat are nearby.

The desperate need to be right all the time is one of the biggest enemies of growth. Just think about it, if you have to be right, it means that what you already know should be good enough. You can’t learn anything unless your beliefs and opinions are occasionally challenged and you get proven wrong.

Admitting that you’re wrong inspires you to work on being right by learning more and thinking about things in a different light. Acknowledging when you aren’t right also means that you are a mature individual, not someone who desperately clings to the old beliefs that might not serve them anymore.

Keep an open mind, and don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” Just saying these words instead of sticking to your guns when you know you aren’t right helps you learn more and improve.

5. You’re not talking about your relationship.

A man and a woman are sitting back-to-back on a grassy field. The man, with a serious expression, is focused on his smartphone, while the woman, wearing a striped dress, leans her head back with her eyes closed, looking relaxed.

The current state of your relationship can’t change unless you talk about it. You have to acknowledge what doesn’t work in order to improve it.

So, smart couples talk about their relationship from time to time and think of ways to make it happier together.

Most importantly, they don’t settle for the way things are now. They communicate and discuss their issues instead of sweeping them under the rug or just hoping for the best.

The only way your relationship can grow is if you talk about it and work on achieving your goals together.

Try dedicating some time to focus solely on each other, remind yourself why you fell for each other in the first place, and talk about ways you could be even happier together.

6. You’re not setting goals together.

A man and a woman are sitting at a wooden table in a modern office setting. They are smiling and engaged in a conversation. On the table are a laptop, a tablet, a notebook, glasses, and a cup holding various pens and pencils.

A vital part of any progress is setting goals and working on achieving them. So, you should have some goals that you want to achieve as a couple as well as individual goals that you’ll encourage each other to chase.

You don’t have to wait for New Year’s Eve to make resolutions. Write down everything that you want to achieve this year. Do it now.

Talk about short-term goals and long-term goals. There are some things that you can do in a month or so and others that you need to build toward during the next year or years.

You could even have date nights where you talk about your goals and the progress you’ve made so far.

When you don’t have goals and plans, all you really have is wishful thinking, so put your dreams and hopes on paper. Then, break them down into smaller steps that you can work on every day, week, or month depending on your goal.

Write down the things that seem a bit silly like “Communicating better” or “Not using swear words.” Though seemingly small or inconsequential, these goals are important. It’s even good to have easily attainable goals because achieving them will just motivate you to accomplish even more.

7. You don’t do things together.

Two cyclists take a break on a trail surrounded by autumn foliage. A bearded man in teal cycling gear smiles while straddling his bike, engaging in conversation with a woman in bright yellow and black cycling attire who stands beside her bike.

Whether it’s going to the farmer’s market, redecorating the bedroom, or working out in the gym, you should do things together as a couple. Everything is more fun when you do it together. Even boring chores like doing the dishes can be more tolerable when you divide the work and talk to each other while working.

Now, you don’t have to do everything together, and you need a life outside of the relationship. But do more things as a couple, from everyday chores to fun new common interests. Maybe there’s a hobby that you could practice together that’s related to both of your interests!

Discovering more common interests is just going to bring you closer together even if that common interest is something as simple as having clean dishes.

8. You’re not trying new things and meeting new people.

A woman and a man, both wearing aprons, are happily shaping a clay pot on a pottery wheel together. They are indoors, against a brick wall background, focused on creating the pottery piece. Their hands are covered in clay as they work collaboratively.

Speaking of interests and hobbies, couples who grow together have plenty of them. They often try new things and meet new people, and what better way to do this than to engage in activities that you enjoy.

Most importantly, these couples encourage each other to try new things even when one of them is hesitant to start something. In fact, that’s when encouragement is most needed and can be the most beneficial. They’re not afraid of constantly reinventing themselves and finding new things they could be good at.

It’s also important to expand your network and spend some time with other people. Couples who grow together don’t forbid each other from spending time with friends, but instead they encourage one another to find new friends while also having people they spend time with together.

It’s good to have other couples as friends, especially if they are just as invested in personal development as you are because you can encourage each other to stay consistent.

9. You’re not learning from your mistakes.

An older woman with gray hair lies on a bed holding a tablet, looking at the camera with a raised eyebrow and hand gesture. In the background, an older man with gray hair and glasses, wearing plaid pajama pants, sits on the bed reading a newspaper.

Mistakes happen. That’s life. Sadly, people can become terrified of making them. You shouldn’t.

Someone said that a winner is just a loser who tried one more time. You can learn from your mistakes. In fact, that’s what growth is all about.

Instead of repeating the same bad patterns, step out of your comfort zone and do things differently. Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t, but when it doesn’t work, you can learn something from it, and it will help you find the right thing to do.

What has your past experience taught you so far? What doesn’t work anymore? What could you do instead? Take a moment to think about these things every now and then. When you try new things, don’t give up when you make a mistake. Start over and make a decision to do it better this time around.

10. You’re closed-minded.

A man offers a plate of pastries to a woman who is sitting next to him, looking at the camera. The man appears focused on the pastries, while the woman appears somewhat indifferent. Decorative hexagon shelves are on the wall in the background.

Learning new things can be difficult if you’re not open-minded. You may have some core beliefs that are preventing you from seeing things differently. Reflect on your beliefs and be ready to give up on things that might not feel right for you anymore.

Just because you believed in something for a long time doesn’t have to mean that you must believe in it no matter what. When it’s limiting you and your potential, consider giving it up.

Keep an open mind. It allows you to see things from a different perspective and makes it easier to accept you may be wrong. You don’t have to change your beliefs, but be open to hearing other people’s beliefs and opinions and learning from them.

You can learn something from everyone that you meet because each and every one of us has had a different life, has read different books, has had different thoughts, and has learned different things.

11. You’re afraid of change.

A woman and a man sit on a sofa having a serious conversation. The woman, wearing a yellow sweater, holds a notebook and pencil, while the man, in a blue shirt and glasses, gestures with his hand. A laptop and notebooks are on the table in front of them.

New might not always be better, but it is always worth considering. With time, everything changes, and we have to learn to accept these changes. Don’t be afraid of them and don’t hesitate to make some of your own.

Leave the things that are already the best they can be as they are. But where there’s room for improvement, be open to considering something new. Change is inevitable, people are supposed to change, and most of them do. Whether you will change for the better or for the worse depends on your choices.

Make a choice to improve everything that’s not the way you want it to be. For instance, maybe you talk poorly about yourself, and you have been engaging in negative self-talk as long as you can remember. This is definitely something that should be different, and you can make a conscious effort to talk about yourself as if you were talking about a best friend.

Couples who grow in a relationship encourage each other to make these changes, and they change together.

12. You’re co-dependent.

A couple in matching plaid shirts sits closely together, gazing into each other's eyes. The woman has curly hair pulled into a bun, and the man has a beard. They are seated against a white brick wall, creating a cozy, intimate atmosphere.

You are supposed to do things together, but you should also have separate lives and be independent. The way you feel, and the life you live influences your relationship. You are supposed to love yourself and find fulfillment in things you enjoy doing. This will positively reflect on your relationship.

Maybe you are good at playing guitar, baking pies, or designing clothes. Improve these skills and pursue your passion. Your partner should encourage you to do so, and they should do the same with the skills they have.

While you should have goals as a couple, your individual goals are equally important, and you should have a life outside of the relationship.

Learn more about the things that interest you and find the time for the things that you love doing. Be understanding and supportive when your partner needs the same.

13. You’re too proud to ask for help.

A woman and a man sit on a gray couch, facing a third person who is partially visible, likely a therapist. The woman looks thoughtful, with her hand resting on her chin, while the man listens attentively, leaning forward. The setting appears to be an office.

In the end, you have to accept that you can’t do everything on your own, even when there are two of you.

Don’t be afraid or too proud to ask for help at times when you need it. Your loved ones can be a great source of support, but so can a therapist who could guide you through the process of self-improvement based on your specific situation and goals.

There’s nothing wrong with reading articles on the topic and popular psychology books too. The internet is a great resource for any information that you need or anything new that you want to learn, so use it!

Sometimes, you have to talk to another human being and get tailored advice though, and that’s when you can reach out to an experienced professional.

Perhaps there are little niggling issues in your relationship that aren’t big enough to make you both unhappy, but could be cut out.

Or maybe you would both like advice on growing together and helping each other to grow – something doesn’t always need to be wrong for it to make sense to speak to a professional.