1. They trust themselves and the decisions they make.
Stop doubting yourself and your judgment. Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to make a mistake.
You can only do so much research. After a while, you’re going to have to decide. Trust that you’ve dotted your i’s, crossed your t’s, and made the best possible decision with all the information at your disposal.
And after making a decision, stop second-guessing yourself and worrying about how things could have worked out better.
Once you start trusting your instincts, you’ll have more confidence and be better able to seize opportunities when they come. You’ll be less likely to get analysis paralysis – an endless cycle of being stuck and not moving because of ongoing research.
2. They don’t settle.
Don’t settle for less than what you deserve, whether in your relationships, at work, or in pursuit of your dreams. You are not doing anyone any favors by taking less or being less than what you’re meant to be.
When you settle for less, it’s usually the result of fear. Whether it’s fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success; whatever it is, you’re afraid of something.
Fear has you settling for a job you hate because you think you won’t find a better one. You are stuck in a relationship, settling for being unfulfilled because you’re afraid to enter the dating pool again. Your dreams lay abandoned because you fear you will fail if you chase them.
Spend some time in introspection and identify where you are settling for less. Ask yourself, what would you want instead? Don’t be afraid to dream big.
Now, imagine yourself having it, just like you dream of. How would you feel? How would that change your life?
Research people who have accomplished what you’re dreaming of, and take inspiration from them. After all, if they can do it, why can’t you? Use their experience to develop a plan to move toward your dream.
If your dream still seems too big, keep researching until it no longer seems impossible.
Take the first step.
Don’t settle.
3. They cut ties with those who try to tear them down.
Not everyone who claims to be your friend is actually your friend. The same goes for family.
Identify people in your life that just love to tear you down.
You’ll know who they are because even though they dress it up as constructive criticism, it lacks the care required to make it constructive. It’s biting, sometimes cruel, and always makes you feel less than.
Identify anyone quick to rain on your parade and downplay you, your dreams, or your accomplishments. Friends and family members are supposed to build you up so you can face whatever challenges come your way. They’re supposed to celebrate your accomplishments, so you feel encouraged to grow and do better.
Identify those who don’t. Consider cutting ties with them.
4. They are honest with themselves.
It’s one thing to lie to others, but don’t lie to yourself. Be honest with yourself. Don’t be dishonest about who you are and what you can do.
You’re a work in progress, you’re not finished yet. You’re still growing and becoming, regardless of your age. It’s okay. Everyone is going through the same process of evolution.
Don’t be ashamed of the areas where you need improvement. Be honest about them and work on your bad habits. Don’t hide from the truth; face it.
5. They don’t compare themselves to others.
You are an original. There is no one else quite like you. You have your unique talents and gifts. No one has gone through what you have gone through.
Yes, you have failed, but you’ve also succeeded too.
Own that and stop comparing yourself to others. You are making the absolute best out of the hand life dealt you.
As Marilyn Monroe once said, “Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”
Honor the person you are. Give that person a chance to be.
6. They don’t listen to their inner critic.
Your inner critic is holding you back. It is stopping you from seeing your true value. Because you focus on the negative, you cannot see the positive impact you have on those around you or appreciate your contribution to humanity, no matter how small it is.
Before you can take a leap of faith, your inner critic is there to showcase all the reasons why you would fail at the attempt.
Identify your negative thoughts. This might be hard because you’ve heard them for so long that they’ve become your truth. You might even feel you’re lying when saying otherwise.
Challenge these beliefs. Find evidence that proves your inner critic wrong.
Stop replaying your mistakes over and over in your mind.
Replay your successes. Focus on our strengths.
7. They practice self-compassion.
Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the same compassion you’d give to a friend or a beloved pet. Talk to yourself the way you talk to a loved one.
In the same way you are patient with a small child when he is taking his first steps, be patient with yourself.
Don’t ignore your pain or destroy your confidence with criticism. Be tolerant of your shortcomings.
Show yourself the same compassion you freely show to others.
Accept that life isn’t perfect and neither are we. Be gentle with yourself when you cannot live up to your impossibly high standards.
8. They take part in activities they feel are important.
Imagine how much free time you’d have if you limited yourself to doing only those activities you feel are important and necessary.
Think about how much more goal-oriented you’d be or purpose-filled you’d feel if you focused on doing what was important.
Spending hours on social media or an entire afternoon in front of the television might be fun, but is it important?
Identify what is important to you and take part in activities that are related to that.
9. They help others.
The term “helper’s high” refers to the feeling you get after helping others in need.
Comparable to the runner’s high, it’s a feeling of elation, exhilaration, and increased energy, followed by a period of calm and serenity.
The difference between the two is that studies have shown the helper’s high lasts much longer than runner’s high; even up to several weeks.
The high you get from helping others has even been shown to increase the body’s immune levels and lower stress.
You help yourself by helping others; it’s the ultimate win-win situation.
10. They recognize what they’re good at.
Everyone is good at something. No one on the face of this earth is bad at everything. Not even you.
Recognize what you’re good at.
What things come easily to you? Don’t write them off because you think they’re easy. For some people, that skill might be extremely difficult.
For example, you might be great at encouraging people. You always have a motivational word for everyone who comes your way. In your opinion, it’s just words or you’re just telling them the truth. But it’s a truth they can’t see and you have a gift for helping them to see it.
Find your unique talents, and celebrate it.
11. They build positive relationships.
Human beings are social creatures, and our relationships heavily impact our emotional and mental well-being. We benefit when our lives are filled with people who support, encourage, and help us, and for whom we do the same.
With positive relationships, we have less drama, a greater sense of purpose, and healthier behaviors because our support system is ideal for such peace of mind and growth.
Build relationships that motivate and encourage you. Stop wasting your energy repairing relationships with people who tear you down. Let them go.
12. They know how to say “no.”
For many people, saying the word “No” is an awkward and challenging feat. One that feels wrong. By saying no, you feel you’re letting the other party down or causing them to be inconvenienced.
You’ve said “Yes” so many times it’s almost like you’ve forgotten the word “No” even exists in the English dictionary.
Consider this: by saying “Yes” to everyone else, you’re saying “No” to yourself. “No” to your mental health, “no” to your well-being, and “no” to your boundaries.
Saying “No” to others is one of the easiest forms of self-care you can engage in. That simple two-letter word allows you to do what really matters to you. It helps you take control of your time and energy, and helps you set and enforce boundaries.
13. They set and enforce boundaries.
Have you ever left an interaction with someone feeling drained or anxious or in a foul mood? Chances are that person crossed a few boundaries, and you allowed them to do so.
Protect your energy. Set clear boundaries for others regarding your time and energy, including close family members.
Make refueling a priority. Remember, you can only give out of what you have in store. If you have nothing in storage, you have nothing to give.
No one deserves to be in your space 24/7/365.
Setting healthy boundaries is good for your mental and emotional health. It also helps you avoid burnout.
14. They maintain their personal integrity.
Personal integrity refers to having your own set of morals and values. Maintaining your personal integrity is essentially being true to yourself in whatever situation you find yourself in. It’s about living by your moral code.
Have you ever disappointed yourself or done something that you never would have expected you’d do? You didn’t necessarily do anything bad, in the conventional sense. But you were uncomfortable with your actions.
The reason you were uncomfortable is that you didn’t live up to your moral standards.
Listen to your inner moral compass. Don’t let yourself be pressured to act in ways that conflict with your sense of right and wrong.
15. They look after their health.
Have you ever asked yourself why you treat your body the way you do?
It might not be because you’re lazy or don’t have enough time or money. It might actually be a form of self-flagellation, where you’re beating yourself as a sort of punishment.
After all, why are you eating junk food or engaging in dangerous activities such as smoking that you know are slowly killing you?
If you don’t look after your health, who will?
Look after your health not only because you’ll live longer and enjoy a better quality of life, but also because it will make you feel better. When you exercise, your brain produces hormones that are associated with happiness (dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin).
People who have been diagnosed with clinical depression have been found to have lower levels of serotonin. By simply exercising, you can increase the amount of these hormones your brain produces.
16. They teach others how to treat them.
People will treat you the way you let them treat you. That’s a harsh but painful truth.
We let people get away with taking us for granted or treating us poorly. We’re afraid of rocking the boat or hurting their feelings when we should worry about our own feelings.
Teach people how you wish to be addressed, how you wish to be respected, and how you wish to be loved.
17. They stand up for themselves.
If you saw someone treating an animal the way some people treat you, would you ignore it and move on or would you object and call the local authorities?
If you would call the authorities to save a defenseless animal from being treated the same way you let yourself be treated, then you need to stand up for yourself. It’s long overdue.
You need to save yourself from a fate not even fit for an animal.
Dig deep within yourself and find the courage needed to stand up to people and situations that are crushing you.
Say, enough is enough, even though your voice squeaks and your knees knock together.
18. They truly believe they are good enough.
You are good enough. Not because of your education or how much money you make or where you come from or who you know.
By reason of the fact you are a living, breathing human being, you are worthy of respect; you deserve love; you are good enough.
You don’t have to do anything more than that. Just believe that simple fact.
By simply being, you have value. Luckily, many of us do more than just exist. What we don’t do is value ourselves and the contributions we make on this planet.
We take ourselves for granted and choose to believe a false narrative that says our contribution to the world and society is insignificant. We are in an abusive relationship with ourselves, with self-criticism and self-flagellation being the order of the day.
Our past failures and trauma keep us paralyzed in fear, low self-esteem, and low self-worth.
If we saw someone treating another person the way we treat ourselves, we’d probably call the police.
Reject this negative and destructive mindset. Embrace your value as a living, thinking, functioning human being.
