If Your Relationship Is Unequal, You're Making These 8 Mistakes

Is your relationship unequal?

A young woman with blond hair stands in a kitchen with her hands on her hips, looking frustrated. A young man with brown hair wearing a plaid shirt sits at the counter, resting his head on his hand, appearing upset.

In an equal relationship you and your partner should each feel valued, heard, respected, and like you can depend on each other.

If you’re giving these things, but not getting them back, you’re in an unequal relationship.

Or perhaps you’re the one doing more of the taking, without giving the same back.

If either of these scenarios sound familiar, it’s likely you and/or your partner are making these mistakes:

1. Your ‘roles’ in the relationship are uneven.

A man wearing yellow gloves tidies up a modern kitchen. He puts food scraps into a trash bag while standing near a sink filled with dishes. The countertop holds leftover pizza, a coffee cup, and various kitchen items. The atmosphere appears busy and cluttered.

Each of you should have responsibilities that you feel require equal time and effort. If you don’t, you allow an uneven relationship to develop, and resentment to build.

A very natural way of creating equality in the physical aspects of your relationship is to divide it into ‘roles’ for both you and your partner.

A good example of this is splitting up the housework so you feel as though you are putting equal effort into creating a nice environment to live in. Another example could be that you decide that one of you will go to work while the other puts in work looking after your family at home. It could be as small as taking turns in choosing the destination and activities you do on your next holiday together.

It’s about recognizing that both of you need to put an equal amount of effort into keeping your relationship going so one of you isn’t overwhelmed with the pressure of it all.

Assigning roles in your relationship only works if both of you are happy with it. If you feel as though you’ve assumed a ‘role’ in your relationship that you didn’t want or agree to then you need to talk to your partner about what you can both do differently so you can be more comfortable.

Don’t let yourself be boxed into a part you no longer want to play, and be open to adjust as time and your relationship moves on.

2. You’re not communicating with each other.

A man with gray hair wearing a white shirt holds his head in frustration while talking to a curly-haired woman in a green cardigan. They are standing indoors near a large window, engaged in a serious conversation.

If you feel like there is inequality between you and your partner, have you addressed this with them? Or are you just letting the resentment fester and build?

Your partner may not realize how their expectations or behavior are affecting you. This is why good communication is essential in every relationship so you can talk through how you feel with your partner and work on finding a solution together.

If your partner is defensive or resistant towards the changes you want to make, then it’s a red flag that they may have very different expectations of the relationship than you do and the roles each partner should play.

Relationships take work to make them last. Having a good line of communication between you and your partner will help you face almost any issue you come up against and make you stronger as a team.

3. Your intimate life is unbalanced.

A woman with short red hair and a man with short brown hair sit in bed under white blankets, facing away from each other and looking upset. The woman sits with her arms crossed, while the man rests his arms on the bed. Both have neutral blue and white attire.

Equality isn’t just important in the bedroom, it’s essential.

It’s not about who’s dominant or who initiates, it’s about making sure that both of you leave equally satisfied.

Are you being equally attentive to each other’s wants and needs? Or does one of you feel neglected and unable to ask for what they want in this regard?

If you feel as though you’re being pressured or your needs are being ignored by your partner in favor of their own, then this sense of unfairness and inequality will start to make you frustrated and create tension between you.

Enjoying a physically intimate relationship is a key part of a healthy relationship, but it’s also where you’re most vulnerable around each other. You need to be able to trust your partner completely to fully relax and enjoy the experience together. For that to happen, you have to know that your partner respects you as an equal and cares about your experience as much as their own.

4. You’re not embracing each other’s differences.

A woman and a man are having a serious conversation in a kitchen. The woman is holding a glass of wine and gesturing with her hand, while the man is looking intently at her. The kitchen counter has various vegetables and grocery bags. Shelves with books are in the background.

Basing your relationship on equality doesn’t mean there can’t be any differences between you and your partner.

Equality is about feeling supported in your own interests as you show your partner you support them in theirs, even if you don’t understand or enjoy the same things.

Do you show them that you respect their individual pursuits? Do you talk to them about what they prefer doing and take an interest in it even if you know nothing about the subject, rather than forcing them to only take part in activities both of you like?

If your relationship is unequal it’s likely you’re not putting yourself in your partner’s shoes to view situations from their perspective once in a while (or vice versa). If you’re not doing this you won’t be as supportive and understanding of their pursuits as you can be.

Two individuals make up this relationship. Equality isn’t about being the same person, it’s about respecting each other’s own individuality and celebrating it because of the variety it brings to your relationship and your life.

5. You’re not willing to compromise.

A woman with an expressive face gestures with her hands while talking to a man who looks surprised and confused. They are sitting at a wooden table in a cafe with drinks in front of them. The man wears a plaid shirt, and the woman wears a striped blouse.

If one of you is always compromising rather than both of you, then you’re not basing your decisions on equality; one partner is dominating the other.

Instead when you are both willing to meet in the middle it shows you have equal respect for each other’s needs and are willing to make sacrifices for their happiness.

Compromise isn’t always easy, and although you want your relationship to be perfect forever, life isn’t as simple as that.

It’s likely there will not just be one instance but many throughout your relationship where you’ll have to compromise on what you want for the sake of your partner’s happiness.

Compromise is necessary in a relationship and good communication between couples can help you reach a fair solution that will benefit everyone as much as possible.

6. You’re not putting effort into your relationship.

A man and woman sit closely together on a beige sofa in a cozy living room. The man has his arm around the back of the sofa, while the woman holds a pillow and looks at him. A wooden coffee table in front of them has croissants and two cups of coffee.

Relationships are not always smooth sailing. At the beginning, it may feel like the easiest thing in the world to be around each other, but to make what you have last takes constant work.

For your relationship to stay strong, both of you have to put equal effort into keeping it that way. If just one of you is putting the time and energy into your relationship, then the pressure will become overwhelming.

Feeling like the time and love you put into your partner isn’t acknowledged or reciprocated is going to eventually make you feel neglected, and resentful, and start to question why you’re trying so hard to keep the relationship alive when they seem to show so little interest.

However busy life gets, you should always try to put your relationship first, not just expect your partner to make it happen for you. It’s the equal responsibility of both of you to keep the spark going and prioritize each other above everything else.

7. You’re not showing affection towards each other.

A man with a serious expression sits on a couch, leaning his head on his hand. In the background, a woman is sitting on the same couch, turned away, also appearing upset. A bookshelf with various items is in the background. The scene suggests tension or conflict.

Physical affection keeps the chemistry between you and your partner flowing, and who doesn’t enjoy being complimented once in a while?

Affection from the person we love makes us feel good, it boosts our confidence and helps us to feel relaxed however stressful other areas of our life have become.

If it’s always just one of you showing physical affection to the other and it’s never being returned, then there isn’t a sense of equal appreciation being shown.

Everyone wants to feel as though their partner desires them and misses them when they’re not around. Even if your partner isn’t used to showing as much affection as you do, you need to feel equally wanted and loved as you try to make them feel.

It doesn’t matter if you show your affection in different ways, you just need to see that your partner is making the effort to show you they care. If you value equality in your relationship, start by making sure both you and your partner feel equally appreciated and loved every day.

8. You’re not prepared to make sacrifices for the sake of long-term goals.

A woman with long dark hair looks away with a frustrated expression, resting her chin on her hand. A man with curly hair, wearing a striped shirt and denim jacket, gestures passionately while talking to her. They are outdoors with blurred greenery in the background.

Are you (or your partner) prepared to put your own individual goals to the side for the sake of a shared dream both of you have?

One of you might have to sacrifice your personal aspirations right now for the sake of a future plan both of you are working towards in your relationship.

It takes huge amounts of trust to know that sacrificing your own individual comfort and independence right now will be worth it in the end to achieve a dream you share.

Sometimes you have to focus on the bigger picture to make sure you’re not putting more importance on what you want for yourself now that you’re sharing your life with someone else.

It shouldn’t just rest on one of you to make all the compromises, and if you’ve built your relationship on the basis of equality you should know that although you might be sacrificing something right now, your partner is also willing and ready to do the same.

It doesn’t mean your own dreams aren’t important or that you’ll never have a chance to achieve anything individually now you’re in a relationship. It just means you need to be prepared to focus on what’s important right now for the both of you and make choices that benefit the future you’re dreaming of as a couple rather than just yourself.

Finally…

A woman wearing a yellow sweater sits on a couch with her chin resting on her hand, looking to the side with a thoughtful expression. In the background, a man in a blue sweater sits on another couch, also appearing contemplative. The room has beige furniture and curtains.

Having equality in a relationship is about altering your state of mind to appreciate the other person you’ve chosen to spend your life with.

It’s not always easy and you’re not always going to get things right. It takes constant work and thoughtfulness to make sure you’re being fair to your partner and respecting them as an individual, all while trying to build a life together.

There’s no set way to make sure you’re treating each other equally because every relationship is totally unique. You can’t measure equality in a relationship in a physical way, it’s much more to do with how both of you feel.

There will always be parts of your relationship to work on to make sure both of you are equally happy with the life you’re building together, but being content in the love you share and secure in how you feel about each other is a good place to start.