11 Classy Ways To Call Out Condescending People

Nobody enjoys being spoken down to.

Two women are sitting on a sofa, holding white mugs, and engaged in conversation. The woman on the left has long brown hair, wears a plaid shirt and yellow top. The woman on the right has blonde hair, wears a pink shirt, and has an expression of surprise.
Having someone try to make us feel small or inferior is an awful thing to experience, especially because it’s almost always unwarranted.

Being on the receiving end of belittling comments, sarcasm, or the implication that you’re incompetent can make anyone feel angry and want to retaliate. But that’s rarely the best option.

So how should you deal with condescending people?

1. Remember that how you respond to others is your choice.

A man in a pink sweater leans over a desk to speak to a woman in a green sweater working on a laptop. Both are wearing glasses and appear to be in a modern office setting with shelves and books in the background. The woman looks up at the man attentively.

A lot of people respond to unpleasant experiences by being offended, but keep in mind that taking offense is a choice. You can choose to be upset and offended by that condescending prat, or you can recognize that their words and opinions don’t carry any weight in your life.

2. Respond with humor.

Two women sitting at a table, smiling at each other while holding cups of frozen yogurt. Both have dark hair tied back and are wearing casual t-shirts, one in red and the other in pink. Shopping bags are placed on the table, suggesting a fun day out.

Most condescending people either have an overblown sense of their own superiority or are so deeply insecure that they overcompensate with condescension and arrogance.

Being amused by their behavior rather than being upset with them is like bursting their holier-than-thou-ism bubble with a spear. Nobody likes it if they are not taken seriously, and being laughed at while someone is trying to lord their superiority over you is even more distressing.

3. Call them out on their behavior.

A woman holding a clipboard smiles and engages in conversation with a seated man who is holding a smartphone. They are in a modern office setting, with a laptop, notebook, and bookshelf filled with various items in the background.

One trait that many patronizing people have in common is that they’ll respond to you with a belittling pet name or moniker.

This behavior usually pops up when the person doesn’t have a strong argument or evidence to back up what they’re saying. Since they’re not standing on firm ground, they have to try to make you feel small or inferior in order to establish a position of power over you.

As such, they might call you “sweetie,” “honey,” “pet,” or something similar; usually in a tone of voice that they’d reserve for a small child or a lap dog.

In a situation like this, it’s important to call them out and stand your ground.

4. Be prepared that they may get defensive.

Two people are seated outdoors on a deck. In the foreground, a person in a light blue shirt with dark hair and sunglasses is sitting with an outstretched arm. Another person in the background, also in casual attire and sunglasses, is seated across from the first.

Be aware that the one you’re putting in their place is likely to respond defensively. Those who start off as aggressive or quasi-charming usually turn things around and play victim as soon as things don’t go the way they want them to. It’s the “kick, kiss, or cry” technique.

If we take the “pet name” example above, they’ll likely imply that they’re “just trying to be friendly” and that you’re not behaving like a team player. At this point, stand your ground and reiterate your point. End of discussion.

5. Ask them to clarify what they’ve said, or explain what they’ve done.

Two young women are sitting on a couch in a well-lit living room. One with long brown hair listens attentively with her chin resting on her hand, while the other with long red hair speaks, gesturing with her hands. They appear to be engaged in a serious conversation.

Another technique that many condescending people use is to tell others to “relax” or “calm down,” especially if those people disagree with what they’re saying.

Those speaking might be perfectly calm and articulate, sharing perfectly valid viewpoints, but the condescending one wants to maintain a position of power. As such, they’ll imply that others are somehow being hysterical or otherwise emotionally unbalanced.

This implication is aimed at invalidating what the others have to say. When and if this happens, stay calm. Hold their gaze without speaking for a few seconds, and then (calmly) ask them to please explain to you why they felt the need to tell you to calm down.

6. Keep questioning them.

A middle-aged couple is sitting on a white couch in a living room. The man, with gray hair, is wearing a white shirt. The woman, with blonde hair, is wearing a light-colored striped shirt. Both are engaged in conversation, with the woman gesturing as she speaks.

They might try to turn it back on you and say that you seemed to be acting emotionally, at which point you can ask them to point out what it was you said or did to give them that impression. They’ll likely get upset and go on the attack, so make sure to maintain your calm at all times.

The same thing goes for if they do something physical toward you, such as patting you on the head and saying, “good job!” In a case like that, respond (calmly!) immediately. Ask them why they just did that.

They might try to dismiss their behavior by saying that they were “just trying to be friendly.” At which point you can let them know, in no uncertain terms, that you did NOT give them permission to touch you.

If they do it again, you’re well within your rights to grab their hand or wrist, look them in the eye, and say, “NO. Don’t touch me.”

They’ll likely try to vilify you and make it seem like you’re histrionic and unreasonable, but don’t accept that.

7. Give them the opportunity to learn from their own behaviors.

Office setting with three people: a woman talking animatedly to a seated man, both involved in discussion, while another man stands in the background, looking at papers on a counter. The room is bright with wooden desks and a small tree in the corner.

As mentioned, many condescending people have an overblown sense of their own superiority. This doesn’t just apply to their lineage or schooling, but also their skillset. A perfect example of this is a backseat driver—someone who’s constantly questioning the driver’s abilities, mocking perceived missteps, and so on.

In situations like this, it’s best to give them the wheel to show how much better they can do it. At this point, most of them will panic because they know full well that they’re crap at what they’ve been criticizing. In fact, they’ve likely been mocking perceived micro-errors because they’re so fiercely insecure about their own lack of ability.

They’ll make excuses as to why they can’t drive at that moment (or take over cooking, baking, or formatting that spreadsheet). Don’t accept the excuses. Insist that since they have been so very vocal about everything you’ve been doing wrong, they’re obviously an expert, and you’d like them to show you exactly how things **should** be done.

Then, once they’ve driven the car into a tree or created a small disaster, you can take a photo of their obviously superior talent. This way, the next time they start getting condescending toward you (or anyone else), you can show them that picture and ask if they really want to go down that road again.

Rest assured, they’ll clam up very quickly after that.

8. Behave as though they didn’t say or do anything at all.

Three people are sitting in a row, engaged in a conversation. The man on the left is gesturing while talking, the woman in the middle is smiling and listening, and the man on the right, wearing glasses and a denim jacket, is also smiling. They appear to be in a casual setting.

In addition to being mocked or pitied, being ignored is anathema to the condescending.

If someone is being condescending toward you, act as though they haven’t said anything whatsoever. In fact, you can either interrupt them with a subject change or pretend that you can’t hear them.

Whatever they’re burbling about isn’t even worth acknowledging. Remain calm and civil, but make it abundantly clear that you’re not interested in anything they have to say.

This may enrage them, and they might switch from condescension to downright abuse. They might get belligerent and demand to know why you dared to interrupt them. At this point, you can respond (neutrally, civilly) that you didn’t hear them say anything of worth, so you redirected the conversation to something that had actual value.

By simultaneously switching gears and also displaying little emotion, you’re sending a clear message that their superior attitude means absolutely nothing to you.

9. Stay calm, no matter what.

Three women are engaged in a conversation in a professional setting. The woman on the left wears glasses and holds a coffee cup, the middle woman holds a tablet, and the right woman gestures with her hands while speaking. They are all dressed in business attire.

One of the worst things you can do when dealing with condescending people is to lose your composure with them. If you get upset and start yelling, or retaliate in a similar fashion, they’ll feel that their behavior toward you has been validated.

The most important thing here is for you to behave with far more grace, dignity, and integrity than they are capable of exhibiting.

These people want to make you react and get upset because they’ll feel superior if you react negatively. If their first attempt doesn’t knock you off balance, they’ll likely try to change tactics by moving to insults. This simply reinforces how pathetic they are.

If they truly were superior, would they be behaving like that?

10. Stand in your power.

A woman and a man are having a serious conversation in a kitchen. The woman is holding a glass of wine and gesturing with her hand, while the man is looking intently at her. The kitchen counter has various vegetables and grocery bags. Shelves with books are in the background.

Remember that those who are condescending toward you are usually terribly unhappy and insecure to the core. They are lashing out at others in a desperate attempt to stop feeling so awful inside.

These people often try to belittle those whom they feel insecure around. It’s important to note here that they’ll only try to do so if they feel that the other person isn’t an actual threat to them.

For example, an administrative assistant won’t be condescending toward their boss, but they will belittle the receptionist or intern. Basically, anyone who’s either younger, smaller, or lower on the totem pole and thus doesn’t pose any real danger to them.

Many people are cowards, so maintaining an air of strength, power, and confidence will prevent most of them from giving you a hard time.

Maintain a straight posture and move with grace and purpose. Speak clearly and articulately, while maintaining eye contact. Pause frequently when you speak, including taking a moment after being asked a question to consider what you’re going to say.

11. Conduct yourself like royalty.

A woman with dark hair tied back is holding a cup and listening attentively to another person in the foreground who is also holding a cup. They appear to be having a conversation outdoors with green foliage and trees in the background.

Conduct yourself like a king or queen and you’ll be treated as such. In essence, you’re dealing with a schoolyard bully who just happens to be taller and older.

This technique works on anyone who is being condescending toward you. Abusive parents or siblings generally pick on the chihuahua of their litter, not the mastiff. Furthermore, that mastiff doesn’t have to bark and snap in order to show his or her strength and dominance in a situation.

He or she will just stand quietly, wrapped in an aura of confidence and power, and give others the opportunity to walk away with their pride (and hide) intact.

Ultimately, when dealing with condescending people, see them as wounded, petulant children who feel so weak and powerless that they’re using the only technique they have available to them to make themselves feel less pathetic. They can’t raise themselves up properly, so they try to cut others down.

Once you’ve recognized why they behave the way they do, their actions will stop affecting you. In the same way that you won’t be hurt or offended if a small child tells you that you’re a stupid head, condescending adults won’t have any effect on you either.

Finally…

A middle-aged woman with short gray hair and a younger woman with long brown hair sit on a couch. The older woman is talking with an expressive gesture, while the younger woman looks away with her arms crossed, appearing frustrated. Both are wearing beige clothing.

Between understanding where they’re coming from and pitying them for their behavior, you’re shielded from any negativity that may come flying from them. And though they probably won’t listen, you could always point them toward our article about how to stop being condescending – maybe 1 in 100 will actually recognize what they are doing and want to do something about it.

You might not be able to control how other people behave toward you, but you can absolutely control your responses to them. Keep your dignity and grace intact, offer them a wall that brooks no egress, and they’ll stop being condescending toward you very quickly.