If you don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life, stop doing these 17 things

Say goodbye to misery by stopping these things.

A woman with dark hair pulled back is looking down with a thoughtful expression. She is wearing a tan coat. The background is softly blurred with warm lighting.

If you’re constantly miserable, you might think that happiness is not meant for you.

Listen carefully: this is not true.

However, you don’t need to suddenly become a person who is all about sunshine and rainbows. Such big changes don’t happen overnight, so your goal shouldn’t be reaching happiness right now, you should just aim to be less miserable.

After you find neutral ground, where you’re not yet a happy person, but you’re not miserable anymore, you can strive for happiness. But one step at a time, right?

First, learn how to stop being miserable and work your way up to the kind of person that you want to be. Here’s what you can do about your misery so that it doesn’t stop you from enjoying your life:

1. Stop trying to be happy.

A woman with dark hair pulled back is holding a small white card in front of her mouth. The card has a red smile drawn on it, concealing her actual mouth. The background is blurred and appears to be a light-colored, textured wall.

If you try to be happy instead of miserable, you might manage to do that. However, your happiness will likely have a quick expiration date, and you’ll soon be miserable again.

So, instead of trying to become a ray of sunshine, just make sure to get rid of that dark cloud over your head.

Strive for consistency in the way you feel. Because you know what, you may even have the wrong idea of what happiness really is. Sure, it can resemble the euphoric feeling of being on top of the world, but you’re unlikely to feel this way every moment of every day.

So, find sustainable happiness in cheering yourself up when you’re feeling down and finding joy in the small things in life. If you’re constantly feeling miserable, don’t expect to constantly feel happy instead. Aim for a consistent feeling of being at peace, accepting who you are, and being satisfied with your life.

2. Stop isolating yourself.

A young woman with dark hair sits on the floor against a bed, looking down with a contemplative or somber expression in a dimly lit bedroom with light coming through the window. The room has soft tones, with curtains and bedspreads in muted colors.

Most people require human contact in order to thrive. You need support from your family and friends and anyone else that you can trust. If someone offers their help to you, don’t be too proud to accept it.

When you need someone to be there for you, ask them. Make sure not to isolate yourself. Even if your friends and family can’t be there for you, you don’t have to shut yourself into a room and fall into despair. Go out there and be among other people.

Communicate with the waiter, the delivery boy, the cab driver… While these people aren’t the support system that you need when you’re feeling miserable, simply communicating with people helps.

It can keep your feet on the ground so that your head doesn’t get lost in a dark cloud. So, try to be more social and occupy your thoughts with small talk and conversations unrelated to the way you’ve been feeling.

3. Stop surrounding yourself with negative people.

Four young adults are outdoors near a body of water. One person in the foreground is wearing a red jacket and beanie, gesturing as they talk to the other three, who are standing and sitting, listening intently. Their clothing suggests a casual, cool weather setting.

Are the people that you spend most of your time with just as miserable as you are?

If so, try to surround yourself with positive people instead. Most importantly, try to be the positive person that these people would like to spend time with.

Maybe you can’t adopt a positive mindset just yet, but you can try to look on the bright side of life and avoid complaining too much.

Make an effort to talk about positive things. Your brain will unconsciously start looking for new things to talk about as you go about your days. Focus on these things and let the positive people in your life inspire you to be more like them.

4. Stop being a people pleaser.

A young woman with long, light brown hair and glasses is smiling while looking at the camera. She is wearing a light green button-up shirt. The background is slightly out of focus, showing shelves filled with books and various objects.

Are you making yourself miserable because you’re trying to make everyone else happy? Stop being a people pleaser! You’re bound to upset some people by being yourself and saying no to things, but that’s okay. Not everyone is going to like you.

Learn to be fine with not being everyone’s cup of tea; it’s okay to piss someone off. Put yourself first, be unapologetically you, set boundaries, and have a sense of self-worth.

Don’t sacrifice your contentment just for the sake of being liked by someone. If they don’t like you when you’re making yourself happy, they’re not right for you anyway.

5. Stop comparing yourself to others.

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Be your own unique self, and don’t compare yourself to other people. Don’t make someone else’s life your standard of happiness. Most likely, this person’s life is not as amazing as it seems to you anyway.

Be careful about comparing yourself to people that you see on social media too. Keep in mind that everyone makes their life look much better than it really is, especially when it comes to social media.

Unrealistic standards will just keep making you miserable, so strive for something that you can actually have—something that you want, not something that you think others have.

After all, happiness might not mean the same to you as it does to them. Find what makes you happy, not what you think would make you happy because it seems to make someone else’s life better.

6. Stop holding on to the past.

A person with short dark hair, wearing a hooded black raincoat, stands in the rain against a blurred, urban background of cars and buildings. The individual looks directly at the camera with a serious expression.

Maybe you had a difficult past that used to make you miserable. You’re in the present now though, so try to leave it behind you. It’s easier said than done, but you have to let go of the past to start living your life.

Try to forgive yourself and those who have hurt you. Don’t let the events of your past create problems in your present as well as in your future. You can leave all that baggage behind.

If you find it difficult to do this all on your own, seek the help of a therapist. They’ll help you come to terms with what happened so you can move on.

7. Stop talking poorly about yourself.

A young woman with long dark hair and hoop earrings adjusts her hair with both hands. She is wearing a pink sweater and stands against a yellow background. She looks directly at the camera with a neutral expression.

You are making yourself miserable if you engage in negative self-talk. Don’t put yourself down. You should treat yourself as you would treat a close friend or someone else that you care deeply about.

Learn to love yourself and show yourself love. When you start engaging in negative self-talk, challenge your negative thoughts. Are the things that you’re telling yourself really true, or are they the product of a dark cloud over your head?

Think about your positive qualities and remind yourself that there are plenty of things that are great about you. Remind yourself of your accomplishments too.

When it comes to the things that you don’t like about yourself, decide whether you want to accept them as a part of who you are or work on improving them. Either is fine, and both are better than engaging in negative self-talk just because you don’t like certain things about yourself.

8. Stop trying to make massive leaps.

A close-up of a young woman outdoors, shielding her eyes from the sun with one hand while smiling. She has long brown hair with some strands falling across her face, and she is wearing earphones. The background is blurred, showing greenery and sunlight.

Consider your habits. These behavioral patterns can be healthy or unhealthy. In your case, it’s probably the latter.

However, trying to change the entire lifestyle that you’re used to can make you feel overwhelmed.

You might give up on making any changes because there are too many of them that need to be made.

Don’t do this.

Understand that you can’t change everything all at once. Drastic changes require time.

So, instead of thinking about everything that you’d like to change, start making small adjustments. Stick to them until they turn into habits.

Remember, small changes might not make you happy, but they’re sure to make you happier than you are now.

9. Stop expecting bad things to happen.

A woman with long dark hair and wearing glasses holds her forehead with a hand, appearing stressed or worried. She has a serious expression and is dressed in a light-colored blazer. The background is blurred.

A lot of the time, what you expect ends up happening. Your negative thoughts could be contributing to the events in your life. If you are just looking for proof that you were right, you will find it.

So, if you always expect bad things to happen, try to adopt a brighter perspective. When you think about the worst-case scenarios, switch your focus to other things that are just as likely to happen but aren’t that bad. In fact, you might be able to expect good things to happen.

Try to be more optimistic. Sure, bad things won’t stop happening, but you’ll notice the good things that you might not have been able to see amidst all that negativity.

10. Stop taking things for granted.

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It’s easy to stay miserable if you take things for granted. It prevents you from noticing, let alone appreciating, the little things that could otherwise bring you joy.

Show gratitude by thinking of all the things that you’re grateful for, writing them down, volunteering, or showing kindness to others.

Don’t be miserable because you don’t have a big bank account; be grateful that your bank account is big enough to keep you warm and safe.

Consider this: when someone hurts their leg and can’t walk for a while, they think differently once they walk again. They discover that they can appreciate being able to walk even though they never thought about it before the injury.

So, there’s no limit to what you can be grateful for, and you don’t have to wait for something bad to happen to remind you of the things that you take for granted. Be grateful for being alive and show it by living your life the best you can and making yourself happy.

11. Stop neglecting your hobbies.

A person with blond hair is lying on a hammock outdoors, reading a book. The scene is set in a lush, green environment with a blurred background of trees and foliage. The person's feet are propped up, adding to the relaxed ambiance.

When you genuinely enjoy doing something just for the sake of doing it in the first place, it can make you incredibly happy. Plus, having a few hobbies takes away a good portion of your free time that you might otherwise have spent obsessing over negative things.

So, think about what you could be passionate about. Maybe you’d like to start a collection, join an improv class, or compete in a sport. Finding a hobby is a great way to keep your mind occupied and make yourself happy, but not just that. It’s also an opportunity to meet new people who share your interests.

If you can’t think of a hobby that could make you happy, try different things, and you are likely to find one that brings you joy.

12. Stop spending a sedentary life indoors.

A woman with a thoughtful and slightly melancholic expression gazes out of a window. She rests her arms on the windowsill, leaning her head on them. Sunlight illuminates her face, creating a soft, introspective mood.

Sometimes, all it takes to change your outlook on life is to change your environment. Step outside and go for a walk when you’re feeling down. Spend more time outside, among people as well as in nature.

Spending some time in nature could help you relax and focus on the present. Don’t close yourself inside your home. Head outdoors into the sunshine! Let the mere fact that the day is sunny and warm cheer you up. Enjoy the fresh air and soak in the environment around you.

13. Stop living in an unhealthy home environment.

A man with dark hair and a beard is sitting on a gray couch, wearing a brown jacket over a striped shirt and blue jeans. He is drinking water from a glass. The table is messy with pizza, empty cans, and bottles around. There are exposed brick walls in the background.

Your environment certainly has an impact on how you feel. Do you feel good in your home? Even if you do, there are certainly ways that you can improve upon your current situation.

Make sure that your place is clean and organized, and add some décor and a personal touch. Decorate with things that make you feel good, such as candles, flowers, and artwork.

Personalize your space by displaying your collections, rewards, and objects that represent positive memories. If your home is full of things that represent bad memories, pack them up in a box, and leave them somewhere out of sight.

Bring positive vibes into your home and make sure that it’s the place where you feel comfortable and most at ease.

14. Stop consuming negative entertainment (at least, exclusively).

A man with short dark hair and a beard sits on a beige armchair, holding a TV remote in one hand while resting his head on the other. He seems uninterested or bored. A bowl of popcorn is placed on the arm of the chair beside him.

The entertainment that you enjoy also has an impact on the way you think and feel. For instance, you might choose to listen to sad songs when you’re down because you can relate to them. You could watch movies that make you think about all the bad things that exist in this world.

Alternatively, you could listen to songs that cheer you up and watch movies that bring back your faith in humanity, or at least make you laugh.

Find positive entertainment instead of entertainment that just increases your misery. Music can have a huge therapeutic effect on you, so find songs that make you feel good about yourself and life in general.

15. Stop hiding your problems from others

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When you’re feeling down, reach for help. Talk to a trusted friend or a family member about your problems. Let them give you support, advice, or a shoulder to cry on. However, avoid complaining about everything all the time.

You could also talk to your friend or family member about other things to distract yourself from your problems. Give your friend the opportunity to cheer you up by discussing some positive things that are going on, and let them talk about themselves too. Sometimes, this can help even more than focusing solely on the problem that you’re experiencing.

When it’s not possible to talk to a loved one, talk to a therapist. If you choose to talk to a professional, you’re not just allowed to talk about your problems the entire time, you’re encouraged to. They can offer ways to deal with the problem and help you stop being miserable.

16. Stop relying on others to make you happy.

Two people with long hair, one in a blue shirt and the other in a black top, are standing side by side near a body of water. Both are gazing into the distance with a calm expression. The background is slightly blurred, showing the shoreline and a cloudy sky.

You can’t rely on outside sources for your happiness; you should know how to make yourself happy all on your own.

For instance, maybe you could take a bath with a glass of wine after a hard day at work instead of complaining about your day to a friend. It’s actually pretty simple; find what makes you happy and do it as much as possible (if it’s not bad for you or for anyone else).

Maybe you enjoy gardening or hiking. Make yourself happy by doing that as often as you can. If you enjoy gardening, bring some plants into your home. If you like hiking, go for a hike whenever you’re feeling down.

Find ways to incorporate your likes into your daily life and do what you love whenever you can.

17. Stop overlooking the core causes of your unhappiness.

A woman with long red hair and wearing a denim jacket stands in front of a calm lake with trees in the background. She gazes directly at the camera, with a serene and thoughtful expression. The sky is clear, and the water reflects the greenery around it.

Finally, you need to get to the root of the problem to resolve it. What is making you miserable, and what can you do about it? The answer to this question could change your life, but it’s probably not a simple one.

Know that you can change your life if you put enough effort into it and persist until you get to where you want to be. The reasons behind your misery might be in your subconscious or in your past. So, you may need the help of a therapist to identify your issues.

If your present is making you miserable, make a plan that would lead to a happier future. Every day you get a chance to create your future, so set goals and work toward the life that you want.