If You Recognize Any Of These 7 Signs, Your Relationship Is Too Incompatible To Work

Opposites don’t always attract.

A young couple enjoys a tender moment on a beach. The woman, wearing a straw hat, gently touches foreheads with the man, who is smiling warmly. They both have their eyes closed and appear to be content. The beach and water are blurred out in the background.

No two people are ever 100% compatible. All couples experience incompatibility in their relationship.

Sometimes, those incompatibilities cause issues that are so big that they cannot be overcome or lived with.

Other times, an incompatibility might be a cause of frustration or annoyance, sure, but it is not so big that it causes the complete breakdown of the relationship.

How can you tell the difference between these two circumstances?

If you recognise any of these 7 things in your relationship, it’s a pretty good sign that your incompatibility is a dealbreaker that cannot be overcome.

1. The incompatibility is leading to frequent conflict.

A woman and a man are having an intense argument in a living room. The woman, wearing a green and black striped hoodie, looks frustrated with her hands slightly raised. The man, wearing a green shirt, is yelling with an angry expression, gesturing with both hands.

A little bit of arguing is normal in a relationship. It can even be healthy if it helps shine a light on an issue that needs to be addressed.

But when a particular thing leads to arguments over and over again, you must ask yourself whether it’s worth the headache.

If there is something that you and your partner are at odds over—an incompatibility—and it causes you to fight a lot, then that is a sign that this thing might need to be viewed as a dealbreaker.

If there is little chance of the situation ever changing, you face a choice: live with it but argue a lot, or part ways.

Do you really want to spend your life with someone knowing you’ll clash on this one thing on a regular basis?

2. The incompatibility is causing one partner to compromise their values.

An older woman and man sit pensively on a beige couch in a living room. The woman, wearing a grey sweater and beige pants, rests her chin on her hands. The man, in a navy shirt and jeans, leans forward with hands clasped. A potted plant is in the background.

It is possible to have a happy and healthy relationship with someone who has different values than you.

Whether that is possible comes down to how incompatible those values are.

If either partner finds that they have to compromise one of their values in order for the other partner to adhere to theirs, it’s a recipe for disaster.

No one wants to act in a way that doesn’t align with their morals and inner compass. It leaves you feeling conflicted and resentful toward the person who made you do it.

If this is anything but an extremely rare occurrence, or even if it only happens once but the value is one you place great importance on, you should consider it a dealbreaker.

No person is worth going against your core values for.

3. One or both partners feel unable to be themselves in the relationship.

A man and a woman stand in a kitchen. The woman has her arms crossed and looks away, while the man leans on the counter and looks down. The room has modern decor with a window in the background. Both appear to be upset or in disagreement.

If either partner is not living their authentic life because of the relationship, then it’s time to consider that relationship incompatible.

You should never feel forced to hide a part of yourself just to keep the peace in a relationship.

Maybe you go along with the other person’s spontaneity despite the fact that you prefer careful planning, and you wind up stressed and unbalanced because of it.

Or perhaps you like to let loose, be silly, and not take yourself too seriously, but you suppress that side of your personality because your partner sees it as childish.

It’s often hard to overcome differences such as these, and so you must put yourself and your own sanity first and find a partner who is a more authentic fit.

4. The incompatibility is impacting one or both partner’s physical, mental, or financial welfare.

A man and woman are sitting on a couch in a living room, engaged in a heated discussion. The man has his hands raised in frustration, while the woman is holding a piece of paper and gesturing as she talks. Shelves with books and plants are in the background.

This is a tricky one because lots of people stay in relationships that are damaging to them in some way.

The question is: should they?

For instance, a non-smoker who lives with a smoker will suffer poorer health and potentially catastrophic effects as a result. Is an otherwise happy and loving relationship enough to make up for this incompatibility?

Similarly, if you and the other person are incompatible in a way that negatively affects your mental health or financial security, there is a very strong argument for ending the relationship or not entering it in the first place.

5. The incompatibility is restricting the personal growth of one or both partners.

A man with long dark hair, beard, and mustache, wearing a white t-shirt and dark shirt, rests his head on his hand and looks thoughtful. A blurred figure of another person in the background also appears upset. The setting seems to be indoors.

Some incompatibilities are so big that they threaten the personal growth of the two people in the relationship.

Personal growth can take many forms including behavioral changes, spiritual leanings, and formal education and training. Some are so profound that they require major life changes while others are more ongoing.

Whether an incompatibility is there from the beginning of a relationship or whether differences have developed over time, if it holds one or both partners back from pursuing the growth they feel they need to pursue, it’s worth considering if it might be a dealbreaker.

6. The incompatibility is breeding resentment.

A man and woman sit across from each other at a wooden table in a bright kitchen, both focused on their respective tablets. They are dressed casually in white t-shirts and jeans. The kitchen features white cabinets, a microwave, a stovetop, and various kitchen items.

Some incompatibilities don’t exert much in the way of emotional toll. They are just there: a part of the relationship but not something that has to be thought about often.

Others can lead to a buildup of ill feelings over time. It is these ones that need to be looked at carefully to see if they are dealbreakers.

For example, if one partner is very environmentally conscious and has a strong dislike of air travel while the other wishes to explore the world, one or both partners may resent the other for making them do something they would prefer not to do.

In the case of the eco-conscious person, they may feel the need to indulge the travel dreams of the other now and then. In the case of the travel addict, they may feel pressured to reduce how often they fly to far-off places. Neither is happy about it.

Resentment is a powerfully destructive emotion, so if it is caused by your incompatibilities, it might not be something you can rid the relationship of.

7. The incompatibility is resulting in a significant imbalance of power or control.

A seated woman looks forward with a man standing behind her, covering her mouth with his hand. He places his other hand on her shoulder. The woman wears a gray top, and the man is dressed in a light gray shirt. The background is a textured gray wall.

Relationships don’t have to be completely even in terms of who makes more of the decisions, but they should be close to even and each person should respect the other when making decisions.

Where an incompatibility tips the balance of power too far one way, it’s not good for the person who ends up with a far smaller share.

A relationship between a very assertive person and a conflict-avoidant person is a good example. Here, the assertive person is likely to get their way more often than not, and they may not even see that it’s a problem because the conflict-avoidant person doesn’t speak up.

Power imbalances can also happen when one partner is much older than the other or more booksmart than the other.

Anything that causes one person to wield control over the other should be seen as a red flag, even if it’s not done maliciously.

Finally…

Silhouette of a man and a woman sitting back-to-back against a white background. The man is looking down, arms resting on his knees, while the woman has her head in her hands, appearing distressed. Both are dressed in formal attire.

Whether in the early stages of dating or when the relationship is well established, figuring out the nature of an incompatibility is vital.

The key is to understand whether the difference between you is so fundamental as to render any relationship impossible or extremely unhealthy, or whether there is a path you can take to neutralize that difference so that you can live in as much harmony as possible.

It’s a good idea to spend some time thinking carefully about the situation, along with some time talking honestly and openly with one another to gain a full understanding of the incompatibility.

Then and only then can you make the decision that is best for the both of you.

Use the points above as a guide, but don’t be restricted by them. Consider how the issue makes you feel, how much you think you could change, and whether the effort required is reasonable given how many other people are out there who you might be more compatible with.