Are you still looking for your place in the world?
How nice would it be to feel like you have finally found your place in the world?
To feel like you actually belong somewhere rather than just being somewhere.
It’d feel great, right?
But for whatever reason, you don’t feel this way right now.
Maybe you feel like you don’t fit in with your family. They may be drastically different from you, which can cause feelings of alienation. It may also be that they aren’t the healthiest of people. They may be abusive or destructive, and maybe you don’t want any part of that. Maybe you want to break those cycles so you can be a happier, healthier person to avoid the kind of life that they lead.
Maybe it’s your friends. You may not feel welcome in a friendship group anymore. Maybe there has been some distance created there from time going on, others moving on to different stages of their lives, or relationships changing. Friendships get harder to maintain as you get older because people have more responsibilities. They have careers, relationships, or kids. They may be focused on taking care of their parents or other family members. Whatever the reason, they simply do not have enough hours in the day.
Or maybe you literally can’t find your place in the world. You look around, see what’s going on, and just don’t feel like you belong here. It’s so easy to look at all of the chaos and turmoil of the world, all of the wrong things that human beings are doing to one another, and think, “Am I a part of this? This doesn’t make sense. I don’t belong here.”
Maybe it’s a social issue, or you’re in a place that doesn’t feel welcoming. That’s understandable. There’s a lot of unrest in the world right now.
As you can see, there are many reasons why you might feel out of place in the world. So how can you find your peace of mind, your place, and some comfort?
1. Do more things.
Sometimes a person can feel out of place in the world and like they don’t belong because they haven’t found things that truly resonate with them. The solution to this problem is to get out and do more things.
And let me tell you a little secret: You don’t have to be good at those things.
So many people avoid doing things because they’re not good at them. Well, guess what? Most people aren’t good at everything! It takes a lot of time and practice to get good at something! And even with practice, you need the right kind of practice to really get good at the thing. After all, if you practice the wrong thing, you get really good at doing the wrong thing. And that’s not good at all.
But by getting out and doing things, you allow yourself to learn new things, broaden your horizons, meet new people, and network. You’ll have many experiences in your life to draw from instead of just being limited to a narrow scope of things.
By doing more things, you’re also allowing yourself to discover what excites you and what doesn’t excite you. Sometimes you can accidentally find a passion in a tangentially-related thing. For example, volunteering at an animal shelter may make you realize you don’t want to be a veterinarian, but you love being a dog walker.
2. Avoid self-isolating.
Isolation can be something imposed on a person by external forces. However, self-isolation is something you impose on yourself. And that is super easy to do if you struggle with mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
The problem with self-isolation is that it fuels so many negative emotions. Just being around other people boosts endorphins and other feel-good, happy brain chemicals that can keep your brain out of the hole.
Furthermore, you can find new people to create new connections with by being social. That can help alleviate your feelings that you don’t belong because you’ll have other people around that will reinforce that you do, in fact, belong.
And listen, I get it. There are a lot of reasons to not put yourself out there. Life can be exhausting. Work is demanding. There’s always housework and chores to get done. And hey, sometimes that mid-afternoon nap trumps the desire to be social.
Still, you have to try to combat those impulses to pull away. The further you pull away, the harder it will be for you to feel connected with the world.
3. Move to a place with a more compatible culture.
Sometimes, the feeling of not belonging is more of a social issue and culture clash than a personal issue. For example, you may be in a place where you don’t feel welcome. While not necessarily an easy one, the solution is to move to where your values align more with the prevalent culture.
Perhaps you are a progressive person living in an extremely conservative area or vice versa. It will be hard to make friends, socialize, and generally feel like you’re welcome in the area when your values don’t align. Even in bigger cities, people tend to congregate in particular local areas.
Of course, to do that, you need to develop a pretty solid understanding of your own values and the kind of people you want to be around. Then, you need to find a place where you can find more of those people.
If moving isn’t an option, it may help to consider places where you’re likely to find more people with similar views and perceptions locally, within traveling distance. More than likely, you’ll be able to find something like that in hobby groups or other public activities.
4. Lean into the things that appeal to you.
Every once in a while, we feel a pull toward something. It may be an interest or something that just feels right. Sometimes you may get something stuck in your mind that you just can’t stop thinking about.
When that happens, do your best to investigate what it is. Then, do your best to try to embrace and follow that thread.
Many things are going on in the brain that we are not always consciously aware of. The subconscious takes in new information, emotions, and experiences to sort through them. Those pulls of interest and fancy could be trying to lead you down a better path meant for you.
Do take some time to consider what you feel called toward. It’s not good to jump on every impulse or fancy that comes your way. That can be quite destructive if it’s just a passing fancy. But if you feel those emotions sticking, that may be a sign for you to continue your journey.
5. Cut abusive and toxic people out of your life.
The people we spend most of our time around dramatically influence our feelings. They affect how we feel about ourselves, our world, our thoughts, interests, and more.
How can you feel comfortable in your own skin, in your own world, if you constantly have someone belittling what’s important to you?
Some people feel the need to drag others down low. They are miserable people, so they will pick and pick at what you find beautiful about the world, your interests, and your emotions until you are as miserable as they are. As the old saying goes, misery loves company. And part of the reason is that miserable people just hate to see other people doing well.
You may have someone in your life who is like this. They may be someone you love, want to respect and be close to. The problem is that some people aren’t capable of having that kind of relationship with you. And let’s give you an extremely common example to better illustrate that fact.
Lena loves her mom. She listens to what her mother has to say, tries to spend time with her, and generally is what she envisions to be a good daughter. The problem is that mom is too wrapped up in her own problems to care about Lena the way she should. Mom has money issues, boyfriend issues, and mom hates Lena’s dad after years of battling with one another over every little thing. Mom just isn’t interested in making better decisions, building a better life, and trying to be a healthier, happier person.
And, mom’s toxicity is going to bleed all over Lena. She belittles Lena’s interests, tells her that her partner is trash, and generally goes out of her way to bring Lena down when she seems to be doing well. Mom picks at her personality, calls her annoying, and generally dismisses Lena’s emotions.
Understandably, Lena is going to feel unwelcome with mom. If Lena lives with mom or spends time around her, she may feel uncomfortable in her own home, around her own people, and like she just doesn’t belong. It’s hard to overcome those harsh words from someone who is supposed to love and care about you.
So, before you blame yourself for not fitting in, make sure you’re not just surrounded by toxic people that bring you down. Even if they are people who are supposed to love you or that society tells you that you are supposed to accept and love unconditionally.
Maybe it’s not possible to totally cut people like that from your life. If you can’t, reducing your contact with them may be a better alternative. Avoid telling them anything too personal or being emotionally vulnerable so they can’t use it against you. The Gray Rock method for interacting with narcissists is an incredibly useful tool.
Before you put your feelings of isolation or being out of place on yourself, make sure you’re not surrounded by crappy people. The time you waste on them is time you could be spending on personal growth and finding your people.
6. Pursue the life that you want to live.
The weight of expectations is enough to drive anyone into the ground. They come from every angle…
Parents may want you to follow their lead and footsteps. Society may be trying to tell you what you can and cannot be. Religious beliefs may try to impose on your beliefs in a way that doesn’t sit right with you. Peer pressure from friends may try to shove you in a direction you don’t want to go. And romantic partners probably have the biggest influence on how we live our lives because there are always compromises and sacrifices for one another.
But…none of those people are you. None of those people can truly put you on the path of peace, happiness, and acceptance. There are so many formulas out there that society and salesmen try to sell you about how to live your life, but is that formula right for you? It may not be, and that’s okay. But you’re also the only one that can figure that out.
Finding your path is something that you must do for yourself. And it’s not easy. It’s not easy at all. It takes time to figure out yourself, what appeals to you, who you are, and who you want to be. But you do have to do it if you want to live the kind of life that is right for you.
Don’t let the opinions of others stop you from doing that work. Negative people will always come up with why it won’t work. And it may not even be that they want to drag you down. Instead, they may just not be able to envision your path like you can because they don’t have the full context of your life and experiences.
You are the only one who can truly decide what is right for you to find your place in this world.
7. Cultivate peace within your mind.
Many schools of belief teach that peace and happiness are the product of a healthy and quiet mind. If you are a person who does not have a healthy and quiet mind, that may seem like an absolutely ridiculous statement. Trauma cuts deep, mental illness can cause chaos, and the world’s stress can be so overwhelming. It’s hard to get to a place of peace in your own mind. Yet, some people dedicate their whole lives to that pursuit.
That doesn’t mean the situation is hopeless for the average individual. Not at all.
The problem is that our efforts are often unfocused. We’re pulled in so many directions by life with all of our responsibilities. You might have work, kids, family, school, or even keeping up with your life. Still, it’s worth addressing if you have issues that are stewing in your mind, disrupting your ability to find peace and happiness in the situation you’re in.
Those problems may be keeping you from feeling okay with where and who you are. By putting them to rest, you can create more peace and space for yourself. It’s hard to be happy and content when you constantly have these negative, difficult things flowing around in your mind.
Be patient as you try to find your peace and place in this world. You’ll get there. It’ll just take some time and work. But don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and the boxes you know.
There’s so much more for you out there!
