8 Brutal Reasons A Narcissist Is Incapable Of Loving You

Can a narcissist experience love?

A man with a towel around his neck.

Love is a beautiful thing, but the narcissist is simply incapable of feeling or expressing it. Here’s why.

1. Their thoughts revolve around themselves.

A woman with long blonde hair sits at an outdoor café, holding a white coffee cup. She wears sunglasses on her head and looks relaxed, with a soft smile. The background shows a blurred street scene with warm, golden sunlight filtering through.

If you dive into the mind of a narcissist (and be careful if you do), you’ll see that their thoughts revolve almost exclusively around themselves, their needs, their desires, and how they can achieve their aims.

To them, other people are mere objects to be used for their benefit and gratification. They believe they are superior to everyone and anyone else, and this delusion of grandeur is the primary reason why they are unable to feel what you and I would call love.

2. Love is about seeing someone else as an equal.

A close-up of a young woman with short blonde hair and a serious expression, wearing a yellow top, looking toward the camera. Next to her, a young man with short brown hair in an orange polo shirt looks down and away from the camera against a white background.

Love, romantic or otherwise, is a connection; it is a communion of souls in which two people join together and share a deep-seated care for one another. In order for this connection to form, both parties must see beyond the outer layers of a person and witness the truth that lay hidden beneath. They must accept each other as reflections of their own humanity and, most importantly, as their equals.

Equal, in this sense, means being worthy of the same respect, treatment, and care as a fellow living creature. And love is not restricted to other human beings; it is just as possible to feel love for and from members of the animal kingdom.

3. And narcissists can’t see other people as equals.

A woman with short blonde hair gently holds the face of a younger woman with long blonde hair, both looking at each other lovingly. They are in front of a light grey door with a circular knocker. The scene captures a tender moment of connection.

A narcissist, however, does not view others to be in any way equal to them. They genuinely believe that they are better, more deserving, and greater in virtually all respects.

As such, they sit upon their pedestals looking down on us mere mortals with disdain. Is it any wonder, then, that a narcissist is incapable of forming the types of intimate connections that are the basis of love?

If they are unable to accept that another being might be equally as worthy and deserving as they are, how can they possibly act in a way that demonstrates this parity? How can they love?

Short answer: they can’t.

4. They are deluded.

A woman with red hair sits, looking down intently. A bearded man with short hair stands close, leaning forward with a concerned expression. The background is a bright, well-lit room with a potted plant on the right side.

Their inability to see anyone as their equal may prevent a narcissist from loving, but it does not stop them from declaring their “love” to others. Indeed, premature proclamations of their undying affection are a favorite tactic of many narcissists in what is widely known as love bombing.

What’s less clear is whether narcissists actually believe themselves to be experiencing love in its truest and rawest sense. We may know that what they feel is not love, but they may think, from an intellectual point of view, that it is.

This question, while intriguing, is largely irrelevant. They do not feel love, but something else entirely.

5. They confuse love with infatuation.

The mistake they make is confusing the deep, ethereal feeling of love with the superficial mental state of infatuation. In terms of a romantic partnership, most people will go through a phase of infatuation during which the object of their desire rarely slips far from their mind. Yet, if the relationship is maintained, this develops into the loving connection described above.

A narcissist, however, will get stuck in an everlasting infatuation phase. They will be almost obsessive around and towards their partner, using them as a source of narcissistic supply.

6. They crave attention, not love.

A man sits on a bed, holding a woman who appears to be upset. The woman, wearing a light gray sweater and jeans, has her hand to her face with eyes closed, while the man, wearing a dark blue sweater and jeans, gently places his arm around her shoulder.

Narcissistic supply basically comes down to the victim – the object of their infatuation – providing the narcissist with the attention they desire above all else. Most narcissists, other than the more covert type, will find the lure of the spotlight simply irresistible, and attention of any kind will satisfy their cravings…

…at least for a time.

7. And this attention only makes them feel more superior.

A woman with long blonde hair in a gray shirt stands facing the camera, with two people on either side. One person with dark hair in a gray jacket is on the left, while another person in a plaid shirt stands with arms crossed in the background.

You see, the narcissist feeds on this attention and the power it brings in order to reinforce the belief they have in themselves as a superior being. Like any form of food, regular meals are required in order to remain satiated.

So, when a narcissist takes a partner, they do so primarily in order to ensure a reliable and regular supply of attention. Similarly, when they single out a colleague, friend, or family member as a victim, they are also seeking this same attention.

This narcissistic supply, and the infatuation it often leads to, could be viewed as their substitute for love. A narcissist will desire it much like we all desire to be loved. They will feel great satisfaction upon finding it, be energized by it, and be loathed to relinquish it.

8. They confuse dependency with love.

A young couple stands in a shaded area, with the man embracing the woman from behind. The woman smiles gently, holding his hands, while the man looks at her affectionately. Both are casually dressed in dark clothing, and the background is blurred with pillars.

They might think that what they feel is love, but when you look a little closer, it resembles something more along the lines of dependency. Indeed, narcissistic relationships can often end up as co-dependent ones where the narcissist relies upon the other party for attention and adoration, while they, in return, rely upon the narcissist to tell them how to live (often due to the destruction of their own identity after months or years of mental abuse).

These kinds of relationships can almost appear as loving on the surface, but this is no more than a thin veneer that hides the truth lurking below. Love may be in the verbal vocabulary of a narcissist, but they lack the understanding of its true definition. They mistake their infatuation, their need for narcissistic supply, and the gratification they feel upon receiving it, for love.

Finally…

A woman with blonde hair and red lipstick is seated in the driver's seat of a yellow car. She is wearing a white turtleneck, a brown leather jacket, and dark blue jeans, looking out of the passenger window with a serious expression.

Through their delusions of grandeur; their genuine belief that they are superior beings, a narcissist loses their capacity to form meaningful connections with other people. Their egos will not let themselves be relegated to the status of equals with anyone, and for this reason, the spark of true love is forever missing in any relationship they are a part of.

Whether or not they believe they are in the throes of true love, it is fairly safe to say that no narcissistic relationship of any kind is based upon this richest, rawest, and most sought after feeling.