6 Brutally Honest Reasons Why You're An Annoying Control Freak

Are You A Control Freak?

Three colleagues are gathered around a desk, engaged in discussion while looking at a computer screen. The woman standing points at the screen, while the seated man and woman listen attentively. Another person is in the background, facing a whiteboard.

Everyone knows one. At some point in your life, whether it be a parent, teacher, friend, or partner, you will inevitably encounter this person.

Perhaps you are this person.

Unfortunately, control freaks are often the people others least want to surround themselves with because, simply put: they make life difficult.

Being around a control freak is to be in a state of constant vigilance, frustration, and stress. And it’s a similar story for the control freak themselves.

So how did it all start? Here are 6 reasons that may explain your controlling behavior.

1. You Feel A Lack Of Control In Your Own Life

A man with dark hair and a beard is sitting on a gray couch, wearing a brown jacket over a striped shirt and blue jeans. He is drinking water from a glass. The table is messy with pizza, empty cans, and bottles around. There are exposed brick walls in the background.

Being a control freak often stems from a lack of control in a person’s life. If this is the case, you seek to re-establish that control by foisting yourself on others. In a rather strange twist, you believe: “Well, I can’t control my life, but I can feel more in control by controlling yours.”

2. You Experience Anxiety

A woman with short dark hair looks pensive and worried, resting her chin on her hand. She is sitting on the edge of a bed with a blue headboard and a light-colored blanket. The background is softly lit with neutral tones.

Control freaks often experience high levels of anxiety for one reason or another. Controlling other people eases some of these anxieties, and helps you to feel better about yourself.

3. You Have A Lack Of Confidence

A man with short dark hair, wearing a white t-shirt, leans on a kitchen counter with his chin resting on his hand. He appears deep in thought. The kitchen has a modern yet rustic feel, featuring exposed brickwork and wooden cabinets. Milk and a glass are on the counter.

The need to control others often stems from a deep-seated lack of self-confidence. The individual doing the controlling feels that they are not good enough and must assert themselves by dominating others in an aggressive show of strength. When this is the cause of the controlling behavior, it usually manifests itself in one of two ways: bullying, or manipulation.

4. You Have Trust Issues

A woman in a pink shirt gestures with her hands, appearing to talk to a man in a yellow shirt who is sitting on a gray couch with his arms crossed. They are in a modern living room with white walls, a potted plant, a fruit bowl on a table, and artwork on the wall.

Control freaks are micro-managers. They don’t trust people to do anything better than they can do it themselves. They hover over you at every turn, pointing out how they would do it better while constantly criticizing you.

5. You Are A Perfectionist

A woman with long, wavy hair examines a yellow plate closely with a frowning expression. She is standing in a bright kitchen with stacks of plates in front of her and potted plants on the windowsill in the background.

Control freaks are often perfectionists and expect everyone around them to fall in line too. Unfortunately, this makes just being around them exhausting. If you have ever been around a person who makes you feel like there is nothing you can do right, and you feel bad about yourself no matter how hard you try, you have been around a control freak.

6. You Have A Superiority Complex

A bearded man sits at a desk, intently looking at a computer monitor. His hands are clasped near his mouth in concentration. He is in a bright office space with shelves, plants, and other items in the background.

In order to maintain control, control freaks have to appear like they know what they’re doing, or what they’re talking about. This means the need to keep up appearances.

This is the bully manager who believes that, having been there for many years, they don’t need to learn about the new processes or systems to help their employees, because their way is better. This is the manipulative coworker who tells people how to do their jobs, or sabotages peers in order to look good to the boss.

What’s really going on here? Change threatens their control, so they dig their heels in, and try to save face at all costs. If that means you’re a casualty, or a means to an end, so be it.

Finally…

A man and a woman are engaged in a serious conversation at a white table in a minimalist room. Both are holding pens and have papers in front of them. The woman is gesturing with her pen, while the man listens attentively. There are white mugs on the table.

Micro-managing other people and their lives is a surefire way to build resentment and destroy relationships.

But understanding the root cause of your need to control is the first step toward overcoming it. It’s unlikely it’s coming from a place of malice, so cut yourself some slack. But once you’ve done that, don’t sit back and assume it’s just the way you are.

Seek help, ask your friends and family for understanding and support, and start the process of letting go of that control, bit by bit.