8 Ways To Take Back Control From The Control Freak In Your Life

It’s time to take back control.

A man in a denim shirt and glasses points to a document on a table while a woman with long hair and a white vest listens attentively. They are working at a desk with a computer, notebook, and coffee cup in an office setting with greenery in the background.

Control freaks come in various forms. Some are mildly annoying micromanagers, others are anxious worriers. Then there are the worst types: the bullies and the manipulators.

Whatever the type, over time, their controlling behavior will wear away at your relationship (and your patience), whether that be romantic, platonic, or professional. If you can’t avoid them, here are some ways to minimize the damage they cause:

1. Leave.

A woman with blonde hair is leaning on a kitchen counter, holding her head with both hands and looking distressed. Another woman in the background appears to be speaking to her. Two white coffee cups are on the counter.

If you’re dealing with a bullying type of control freak in a family/friend situation, leave. There is no obligation for you to stay and have to endure verbal abuse. No amount of turkey, sad-faced grandma, holiday guilt, or years of friendship, should induce you to put up with that behavior. Every time this person raises their voice or tries to bait you into an altercation, remove yourself from the situation. If they are unwilling to change, make that removal permanent.

2. Report them.

Two business professionals walking and talking. A woman with glasses carries a coffee cup and a notebook, while a man with glasses dressed in a suit holds a smartphone. They are walking through a modern hallway with red beams and glass walls.

If it is a work situation, it can be trickier. If the bully is your boss, report their behavior to Human Resources (if such a department exists). It may feel like you’re giving into them, but start to look for another job; after all, while HR may step in or document the situation, it could be a long time before that person is removed or you can transfer to a different department.

3. Reiterate.

A woman in a red shirt holds a coffee cup and gestures while talking to a man in a light blue shirt. They are seated at a wooden desk with a laptop, a smartphone, and a glass of water. The workspace is decorated with plants and has a modern aesthetic.

If you’re dealing with a manipulator, like a coworker or friend, just keep reiterating your needs and saying no. Practice saying no every morning in a mirror if you must, but say it. No is your weapon in fighting off their underhanded tactics and asserting yourself.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

A bearded man in a pink shirt is chopping yellow bell peppers on a wooden cutting board in a modern kitchen. A woman with long blonde hair, in a gray shirt, is sitting on the counter beside him, holding a tablet and smiling. A bowl of fresh vegetables sits nearby.

As much as it may pain you to do so, let them have their little wins. If it’s something that doesn’t really matter that much, you are probably better off relinquishing your control and letting them have it. Save your assertive “no” for those times when you have a strong preference to do something on your terms. Otherwise, you risk a never-ending argument.

5. Don’t take it personally.

A young woman sits on a couch with a distressed expression, arms folded, staring into the distance. Behind her, a man with a frustrated look gestures with one hand, seemingly trying to communicate. The background shows a modern kitchen.

Don’t take their controlling behavior personally. It is a character flaw of theirs that can have one of many different causes. It does not reflect on you, your character, or your abilities; chances are they are like this with everybody. It is not a personal attack on you, but rather a coping mechanism they employ; albeit a rather testing one.

6. Don’t try to win.

A woman with a skeptical expression rests her head on her hand while listening to someone. She is wearing a light-colored shirt and sitting indoors in front of a blurred background with a plant. A coffee cup sits on the table in front of her.

Don’t fight them or try to change them – this will only lead to an escalation as they seek to assert their dominance over you. Instead, save your own sanity by accepting the situation and either leaving, as suggested above, or detaching yourself emotionally from their incessant orders, demands, and criticisms.

7. Approach with caution.

A woman and a man sit closely on a sunlit bed. The woman, in a gray tank top and shorts, sips from a white mug. The man, wearing a white t-shirt and shorts, smiles at her. A bowl of green grapes is placed near them on the bed.

Make suggestions and add your individual flair, but be prepared for them to be rejected outright. Take a gentle approach and ask them what they think of your ideas rather than just implementing them without any consultation (which they would consider an aggressive attempt to undermine them). This way you can stroke their ego and make them feel like they have control, while still playing an active, rather than passive, role in the situation.

8. Remain calm.

An elderly woman wearing glasses and a red apron and a young woman in a striped shirt are making dough together in a kitchen. Various cooking ingredients and utensils, including a recipe book, are on the countertop. A potted plant and kitchen tools are in the background.

Above all, try and remain calm. Allowing yourself to get upset just adds kindling to their fire. When you respond calmly, you limit their power over you. Part of being a control freak is about getting a reaction; they enjoy the feeling of power and being in control. If they aren’t able to bully or manipulate you, they can no longer control you and they will move on to another target.

It’s time for you to take back control from the control freak.