If You're Fed Up With Your Manchild Husband, Take These 9 Steps

What is a manchild?

A man lounges on a patterned sofa, holding a remote control towards the camera in one hand and drinking from a beer bottle with the other. A bowl of potato chips rests on his lap. He wears a striped shirt and appears relaxed.

Sometimes described as having Peter Pan syndrome, these guys, who are also referred to as “manolescents” will never mature into any semblance of adulthood. Not really.

They might look like grown-ups, complete with encroaching back hair and greying facial scruff, but really they’re just boys wearing man-suits, delighted that they can now drink legally forever.

TV shows and films are rife with tropes featuring guys like these: think Jake Peralta from Brooklyn 99, Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, any role Will Ferrell has ever played, and even the 11th Doctor on Doctor Who. They’re all awkward and juvenile, but even though their immature antics and comments can be absolutely infuriating, they can also be horribly endearing.

The Downside

A person wearing an orange top is folding a stack of colorful towels, including yellow, white, and blue. In the background, another person, dressed in blue, is sitting and reading a newspaper, with everything set in a bright and cozy environment.

Those moments of endearing sweetness can’t always make up for their frustratingly irresponsible behavior, though. These guys tend to be unreliable, self-absorbed, and utterly oblivious to their immediate surroundings. They might not change their clothes for days, will step over puddles of cat vomit because they just don’t see them, or nestle in amongst piles of empty beer cans and pizza boxes because they’ve been engrossed in epic gaming sessions. What’s the problem?

Well, the problem is that a lot of these guys are also lonely, and would like to cultivate relationships with partners who are open to putting up with them.

So, if you’ve found yourself with one of these men, how do you put up with him?

1. Accept him as he is.

Two people sitting on a white rug, each wearing a cardboard box with cartoon faces drawn on them. They are inside a room with a white couch, a ladder, and plants in the background. One person has their legs crossed and is giving a peace sign.

Is it possible to have a real, long-term romantic relationship with a manolescent?

Absolutely, yes… but the key to success is to realize exactly who you’re dealing with, and accepting him exactly as he is, with no expectation that he’s capable of changing on some fundamental level. That’s the bottom line.

2. Don’t try to make him grow up.

A man and a woman sit at a table in a cozy café, engaged in an animated conversation. The man holds a white coffee cup while the woman gestures with her hands. On the table are glasses of orange juice and an iced latte, along with a phone.

You cannot go into a relationship with a guy like this thinking that you’re somehow going to be the magical catalyst that’ll make him into a man.

You won’t.

He is the way he is for countless reasons, and the only way you can make your relationship work and both be happy is if you accept each other exactly as you are, without any expectation that there will be significant change required on either side. This is important to acknowledge, because it isn’t just a question of hoping that he’ll mature: it’s hoping that he’ll be open to accepting your quirks and issues with the same open arms you’re offering to embrace his.

3. Don’t treat him as a project.

A smiling couple stands back to back in a kitchen. The woman, dressed in yellow, holds up a yellow bell pepper with a cheerful expression. The man, wearing a white shirt and apron, looks over his shoulder and smiles. A modern light fixture hangs above them.

If you’re thinking about dating a juvenile guy because you see him as a project, full of potential that you can mold into your ideal man, forget it. He might be able to play that role for you now and then, but it’s not going to last very long, and you’ll both end up feeling resentful about the charade.

4. Remember what attracted you to him in the first place.

A man and a woman are posing playfully. The woman is piggybacking on the man, and both are sticking out their tongues, smiling widely. They are wearing casual white T-shirts and have dark hair, with the background being a plain, light color.

There’s someone out there for everyone: the key is to be with someone who embodies the traits that you find appealing in a partner. If you got together with this man, you must have found his traits attractive at some point. There is definitely a certain charm in being with someone who is eternally youthful and fun.

You’re not going to be happy with a partner who’s just playing a role in an attempt to force things to work. People have to be able to be themselves, and authenticity is of vital importance in any real relationship. So let him be himself.

5. Play to your strengths.

A woman with long brown hair and glasses sits at a wooden table. She is writing in a notebook with a pen, and a bowl of food and a glass cup with tea or another beverage are in front of her. A dresser with a vintage lamp can be seen in the background.

You’re probably still with this man because deep down, you’re happy playing the role of responsible, mature partner to counterbalance your man’s immaturity. We’re not talking about sullen resignation to one’s fate here, either.

People like this tend to like to be in a leadership role when it comes to their personal relationships. They like to be the ones making the decisions, governing finances, basically micromanaging everything so that it all works out exactly as they like it. They need the manolescents in their lives to depend upon them to help govern their own lives, without having to worry about a strong personality butting heads with their own.

So instead of letting resentment build, embrace your strengths and skills and relish in the beauty of being the boss.

6. Enjoy his fun side.

A wooden tray with two croissants, a glass of orange juice, and a potted plant is being held. In the background, a smiling person with outstretched arms is sitting up in bed, possibly receiving breakfast in bed.

Enjoy the youthful vitality that the manchild brings to your partnership. After all, relationships with guys like these are never boring. They might surprise you with tickets to Disneyland for your birthday, or keep you on your toes when they decide to ride a wheelbarrow down a dangerously steep hill.

One great benefit to dating a guy like this is that they have the potential to keep you young at heart in turn. On one hand, you might feel frustrated that you’re the only real adult in the house and the onus is on you to make sure that bills are paid, the house is kept free from rats, and the children aren’t wallowing in their own filth, but you can be damned sure that he’ll treat events with real joy and enthusiasm, and he’ll make you laugh, a lot, especially if he makes you obscenely shaped pancakes for your birthday breakfast.

7. Love and appreciate him for who he is.

A young man and woman sit on outdoor steps, posing for a selfie with playful facial expressions. The man holds the phone, sticking his tongue out, while the woman leans on his shoulder, making a funny face. They both wear casual denim jackets.

As mentioned earlier, you have to accept that a manolescent is never going to grow up, and if you have the unrealistic expectations that he will, everyone is going to be miserable. You’ll be upset because he isn’t magically maturing into the guy you think he has the potential to be, and he’ll be devastated because you’re constantly haranguing him into being something that he’s not, and then getting frustrated and disappointed with him for not living up to your expectations.

Who’s happy in a situation like that? Nobody.

Maybe your therapist.

Mostly nobody.

8. Don’t let resentment build.

A man and woman sit on a couch facing away from each other. The man, wearing a blue t-shirt, has his hand on his forehead, appearing stressed. The woman, wearing a white t-shirt, looks away with her arms crossed, suggesting they are upset or having an argument.

A whole lot of resentment can brew when there’s imbalance in a relationship, especially when it comes down to irresponsibility and not being able to depend on one’s partner. Manolescents are notorious for not doing their fair share of the housework, for example, or being less-than-diligent when it comes to childcare.

Are you okay with the idea of being with someone you may never be able to count on, even in a crisis? Someone who may run and hide from potential life problems instead of standing by your side to face them head on? Someone who will always need you to write his “to-do” lists for him because he honestly doesn’t know what to do without your explicit guidance?

A guy who’ll try to seduce you while wearing Spongebob underpants non-ironically?

If you can answer those questions with an enthusiastic “yes,” and mean it sincerely, then you may have a chance with your manchild.

9. Know when it’s not going to work.

A man dressed in retro athletic attire, including a headband, wristbands, glasses, and shorts, is lounging on a yellow sofa with a remote control in hand, watching TV. He has a relaxed and somewhat amused expression on his face.

If you can’t accept those things for the rest of your life, you might want to break it off and leave him for someone else to deal with.

Like any other fetish you’ll never be able to explain to your coworkers, attraction to a manolescent has to be sincere on a fundamental level, or it just ain’t gonna work.