How To Not Let Rude People Get To You: 10 Tips That Really Work

Tips For Coping With Rude Behavior

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a gray blazer and white shirt, sits at a desk and talks to a man in a suit. She gestures with one hand, possibly explaining something. They are in a bright office with large windows and several potted plants in the background.

If and when you are faced with someone acting in a mean or disrespectful way, what should you do?

1. Try To Develop A Rudeness Filter

Two people are sitting at a table in a cafe, engaging in conversation. The person facing the camera is smiling and holding a drink topped with whipped cream, while the other person has their back turned, also holding a cup. The background shows large windows and street view.

Remind yourself that there may be so much more than just plain rudeness going on and filter out your instinctive response.

Whether the reason is emotional, social, psychological, or cultural, there will be some trigger or othe for the behavior you find hurtful or unacceptable.

Whatever the issues behind the behavior – any one of the above or a whole host of others – you have no control over the circumstances underlying the action. But you can control how you respond.

2. Don’t Take Things Personally

A woman with a bright smile, wearing a gray shirt, holds a cup of coffee while looking at another person with curly red hair. They are in a cozy indoor setting with bookshelves in the background.

It’s so easy to get upset by rude comments, especially if they’re personal.

You’ll render their hurtful words powerless, though, if you choose to treat them as their problem, not yours. Remember that you have a choice in the way you react and responding like-for-like is rarely the best response.

3. Find Out The Reason

A woman with long blonde hair sits at a table in a coffee shop, looking stressed and resting her temples on her hands. She appears to be in a serious conversation with a man, who is facing away from the camera. Blurred background of the cafe interior.

Take the time to find out what triggered the rudeness. Perhaps it’s a one-off and they’re just having ‘one of those days’ or they’re so pushed for time that manners have been squeezed out of the equation.

Quite possibly they don’t even realize that they’ve been rude. You won’t know until you ask and the answer may surprise you!

4. Walk Away

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a light-colored coat, gestures with her right hand and appears to be talking to a man in a beige jacket. The conversation takes place outdoors, with blurred lights illuminating the background.

Try to curb your instinctive response and stop yourself from retaliating. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and it’s not going to help anyone if you allow yourself to respond in the same vein.

Removing yourself from the challenging situation is the most effective way to avoid being in the firing line for more rude behavior from the same person.

Even if they’re still talking to you, just walk away!

You have nothing to lose if they’re a stranger, since you’ll never have to encounter them again.

If they’re a friend or colleague, they’ll soon get the message that being rude to you is pointless and achieves nothing (and maybe that will prompt them to be nicer next time).

Either way, you retain the moral high ground.

5. Give Some Thought To Cultural Differences

Four people are standing and chatting against a brick wall. One person is talking with hand gestures, while the others are listening and smiling. They appear to be enjoying a conversation in a casual indoor setting.

Don’t automatically assume that the person who has just irritated you with their mean or insulting behavior shares your cultural norms.

If you realize that they are just doing what comes naturally to them, no matter how much it winds you up, you’ll find it easier to tolerate the behavior.

Remember that you may unknowingly be guilty of upsetting people from other cultures by acting in a way which you consider to be quite normal.

6. And Neurodiversity.

A man in a denim shirt and glasses points to a document on a table while a woman with long hair and a white vest listens attentively. They are working at a desk with a computer, notebook, and coffee cup in an office setting with greenery in the background.

As with cultural differences, don’t assume the person who has upset you shares your neurotype and therefore your communication style.

Neurodivergent people, for example those who are autistic, ADHD or both, have different communication styles to those who are neurotypical. The key here is different, not less.

Autistic people tend to be more honest, direct, and forthcoming communicators. And ADHDers can be easily distracted and prone to interrupting.

These are innate tendencies as a result of brain wiring and are not inherently rude.

Expecting neurodivergent people to change their communication style is unfair, and causes serious harm to their self-esteem, and physical and mental health. As does treating them like they are rude when that was not their intent.

So keep an open and accepting mind, and don’t always assume people mean the worst. And if in doubt, clarify!

7. Fight Rudeness With Kindness

Two women are sitting across from each other at a table in a cafe, engaged in a conversation. One woman has blonde hair and is wearing a white blouse with an orange sweater draped over her shoulders, while the other has light brown hair and is wearing glasses and a blue shirt.

Even though it’s often counterintuitive, one of the best ways to defuse rudeness is to stay helpful and friendly. This gives the other person a chance to calm down and readjust their behavior.

8. Don’t Perpetuate The Spiral Of Rudeness

Two people sit at an outdoor cafe. The person on the left, wearing a light blue beanie and brown coat, eats from an orange mug, looking at the camera. The person on the right, in a black beanie and wrapped in a green blanket, looks down at the table.

Don’t let the inconsiderate or downright rude actions or words of others spoil your day and cause you to continue the cycle as you lash out at others.

Try to take a deep breath, remember that that person’s problems are not your responsibility, and face the day with a smile. Perhaps you can, in a small way, reverse the cycle and spread some joy instead!

9. Have Some Empathy.

A man and woman in business attire sit across from each other at a table in an office. The man gestures with both hands while talking, and the woman listens while holding her glasses near her mouth. Laptops, documents, and a coffee cup are on the table.

The happy truth about human beings is that the majority are decent people who are occasionally so overwhelmed by circumstances that they lash out verbally and take out their frustration on innocent parties.

It’s thankfully very rare to find a person who is rude just for the sake of it. They are out there, for sure, but they aren’t the norm and even those people are very likely to have suffered or still be suffering some trauma or other.

Dealing with rude and mean people requires bucketloads of empathy and patience. This may sound like the responsibility to change lies with you and not the other person.

Consider, though, what the alternative would be: respond rudely and give them an actual reason in the future to do the same to you. And then we’re back into that spiral of rudeness once more…

10. Be HumanKIND

Three elderly men engage in a serious conversation in a modern room with wooden accents. One man with white hair gestures while talking, another with glasses listens intently, and a third man stands between them observing the exchange.

Overall, I must confess to being from the ‘manners maketh man’ (and woman, naturally) school of thought. You might put that down to my age and upbringing and you wouldn’t be wrong!

I truly believe, however, that humankind can only continue to exist happily on our ever more crowded home planet if the majority of people treat each other with kindness, respect, and empathy.

The clue is in the name: humanKIND.

So, while there will always be mean, rude, and disrespectful people, my advice is to retain the moral high ground and not to continue the cycle of rudeness by letting their insulting behavior affect the way you interact with others.