12 Delusional Lies Cheaters Tell Themselves To Excuse Their Behavior

Cheaters con themselves into thinking what they’re doing is okay.

A man in a gray suit and a woman in a light-colored suit are standing close to each other in a hallway, with their foreheads touching affectionately. The man has his hand in his pocket while the woman leans against the wall. Both seem to be sharing an intimate moment.

Those who cheat on their partners often lie to themselves about their intentions to absolve themselves of wrongdoing. What follows are 12 of the most common, lying excuses they’ll tell themselves to justify their infidelity.

1. That their cheating is justified.

A couple stands close to each other on a city street, smiling and gazing into each other's eyes. The man is wearing a white shirt, bow tie, and suspenders, while the woman is in a sleeveless checkered dress. The background features historic buildings.

People who know deep down that their behavior is wrong and potentially damaging generally find reasons to justify their actions. Cheaters will often lie to themselves by justifying their actions, deciding that they deserved to get affection elsewhere after their spouse upset them, disrespected them, neglected them, and so on.

2. That they’re careful enough that no one will find out.

A person with long dark hair lies in bed, resting their head on a white pillow while looking at a smartphone held in their right hand. The person is under a white blanket, and the room has a soft blue light. The person has a pensive expression.

No matter how cautious someone is about their actions, the truth will come out eventually. Most cheaters think that they’re being terribly clever, such as using a secret second phone or sneaking around during work hours, assuming that their partner is so oblivious that they won’t realize what’s going on.

3. That nobody will get hurt.

A man and woman in business attire embrace and kiss in an office setting. The man places one hand on the woman's back while the other holds her waist. The woman has her arm around his shoulder. A shelf and large windows with a view of trees and parked cars are behind them.

Those who cheat may not get emotionally involved with the one they’re sleeping with on the side, and it doesn’t occur to them that their affair partner may get hurt when and if they end things. Furthermore, they don’t think about how devastated their partner would be if they found out.

4. That it’s “no big deal”.

A woman with long blonde hair sits on the edge of a bed, resting her head on her hand, looking pensive. In the background, a man with a beard sits further back on the bed, looking away. The room is softly lit, with a neutral color scheme.

This often happens in emotional affairs, as people write that off as not really cheating at all, but it can also occur when people physically cheat on their partners. They get so caught up in the thrill of the moment that they downplay the very real repercussions of their actions.

5. That their spouse is “probably cheating too”.

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a red shirt, leans in to whisper into the ear of a man with dark hair and a beard, who is wearing a blue suit and red tie. The man has a slight frown and is looking downwards. Both appear to be against a plain white background.

Those who cheat often imply they had every right to do so because they believed that their partner or spouse was “probably” doing so as well. They may not have any proof to this extent, and are solely going by assumption or suspicion, but commonly use this as an excuse.

6. That their partner drove them to it.

A person with short, wavy hair kisses the cheek of another person with a beard and longer hair. Both are wearing black leather jackets. The kissed person looks directly at the camera with a neutral expression, while the kisser's eyes are closed in the act.

Many cheaters tell themselves lies about their partners to justify their infidelity. They’ll decide that their partner hasn’t been nice enough, affectionate enough, supportive enough, or rich enough, and then use this make-believe narrative to excuse their behavior. Basically, if their partner had been more ideal, they wouldn’t have “had to” cheat.

7. That it doesn’t count as cheating because there are no emotions involved.

A person in a blue suit and tie is seated while another person, wearing white long sleeves, stands behind and grabs the seated person's tie with one hand. The background is blurred.

A person who’s solely having a physical dalliance with another might convince themselves that their infidelity doesn’t count as such because there’s no emotional involvement. As far as they’re concerned, they’re simply getting a physical need met—no different than getting a massage or a haircut. To them, no feelings = no cheating.

8. That they deserve to sleep around while they still can.

A man with short hair and a beard is smiling at the camera. His face and neck are covered in numerous red lipstick kiss marks. He is wearing a black t-shirt and has a playful expression. The background is a plain, light-colored wall.

Some people justify their cheating with the idea that they need to “use it before they lose it”. If they feel they’ll only be physically attractive for a short time, and they’re somehow “wasting” their appearance on just one partner/spouse, they consider cheating to be perfectly okay in context.

9. The relationship was mostly over anyway.

A woman in a white tank top is holding a smartphone and looking thoughtfully to the side. In the background, a man is lying in bed, facing away and appearing to be asleep. The room has a dark backdrop, adding a contrasting element to the scene.

They may feel that even though they haven’t discussed ending the partnership, they’ve disconnected from it emotionally already, thus it’s already over for them. In cases like this, their partner usually has no idea anything was wrong and ends up being blindsided and devastated when the truth comes out.

10. That since they’re not really into their partner, it doesn’t matter.

Two people sit across from each other at a small round table in a modern cafe. They are holding hands across the table, which has two coffee cups, a saucer, and a box. Their legs are visible, showing one wearing heeled boots and a skirt, and the other in pants.

A person who has little emotional investment in a relationship won’t really care about negative repercussions if they’re caught cheating. They may have convinced their partner they’re a solid item in order to reap the partnership’s rewards, but are literally only with them to get their own needs met.

11. “They were going to cheat on me, so I simply got to it first”.

A man and a woman are lying on a bed with their heads next to each other, looking upward. The man wears a light green shirt, and the woman is in a white top. Both appear relaxed and thoughtful, set against the neutral tones of the bedspread.

This assumption is a convenient way to absolve a person of any guilt about their infidelity. They’ve convinced themselves that their partner would be unfaithful to them eventually (possibly due to past experiences), and figured they’d take the initiative and cheat first before their partner had a chance to hurt them.

12. That it was “just a mistake”.

A woman with blonde hair and a serious expression lies on a bed, staring thoughtfully upward. Beside her, a man with dark hair and beard lies close, looking at her with a soft expression. Both are dressed in casual white tops in a relaxed bedroom setting.

This one occurs most often when someone is finally caught cheating and tries to downplay their actions. Writing a word incorrectly is a mistake. In contrast, getting physical with another person—especially if it happens repeatedly over a period of time—is a conscious choice that has very real consequences.