How do you stop repeating mistakes?
The challenge of learning from your mistakes so you don’t repeat them is much easier when you have some kind of guideline.
The following steps will teach you how to analyze your behavior, set new goals, and introduce ways that you can change your behavior.
The process does not happen overnight. If you find that you aren’t making progress quickly—that’s okay! That’s normal.
The more you try, the easier it gets with better results.
1. Journal to track and assess your behavior.
Journaling is a powerful tool for self-assessment because it’s difficult to see yourself from the outside looking in.
By writing out your decisions, you essentially force yourself into thinking about why you did what you did so you can articulate the decisions that you made.
Journaling helps you develop a clearer understanding of your thought process so you can look for reasons you repeat mistakes over and over.
Journaling doesn’t have to be difficult or some giant production. All it takes is just a few minutes to sit down, write about what happened, consider the reasons that brought you to that decision, and plan how you can do it better next time.
This will also help you build self-awareness and improve your ability to self-assess.
You will also find that journaling is an excellent way to track your progress so you can celebrate your success.
2. Identify repeating patterns in your behavior.
Consider repeating patterns in your behavior by considering the outcomes that made you unhappy.
Start at the result of the bad decision and work your way backward. Look for specific reasons for the outcomes you no longer want to have.
For example:
– I got angry and then drunk to deal with it.
– Why?
– I had to visit my mother who’s mean to me.
Once you find your way from Point A to Point B, you can then figure out a different path.
In this example, if you have a bad relationship with your mother, so bad that it makes you angry enough that you want to drink, then it’s time to make some changes about how you approach that relationship.
Setting new boundaries by limiting your time and interactions with your mother may help you experience less intense negative emotions.
You could consider exercise as a replacement for drinking to vent off that angry energy from interacting with her. Or, you could do a combination of both to help cool your anger and make better decisions in managing it.
3. Dig into the cause of the mistake.
Once you’ve identified the mistake and the reason for it, you will want to examine the cause closely so you can decide what needs to change.
Take some time to examine the cause of the mistake and dig into it. Be aware, this is not a reason to tear yourself down. Learning from your mistakes is one way to stop punishing yourself for being human.
Why do I keep repeating this mistake?
Is there some need that’s not being met?
Is there some stress that I’m not dealing with?
What kind of emotions am I feeling that influenced this bad decision?
But what if you can’t answer these questions? In that case, you’ll want to talk to a therapist to dive into your decision-making to try to find the cause of it. That cause may be rooted in trauma, childhood development, or other mental health issues that need to be addressed to change your behavior.
4. Seek outside feedback.
You may want to ask for help from trusted friends or family if you have them. If you don’t, a therapist can help. Or you may try asking someone you admire who seems to make good decisions of their own.
The idea is to get some outside feedback on the decisions you’re making and why. People who know you well are likely familiar with some of the quirks and differences in your perspective. An outsider may see things that you may be blind to because of your relation to the problem.
Take their words with a grain of salt. Their opinions may not be wholly accurate. Instead, just take them as a place to start your self-assessment.
5. Set clear goals for your behavior.
Goals serve as a compass on your journey to success. Set specific, achievable goals that will help guide your decisions.
Avoid vague goals. Vagueness leaves the goal up to different interpretations which can cause you to move in different directions, which can cause confusion, which can mess up your path if you keep changing directions.
Coming back to our example to set some clear goals:
– I won’t drink when I’m angry.
– I will limit my time with my mother to one phone call a week.
– I will go for a walk or exercise for a half hour when I get angry.
Clear goals allow you to say, “Yes, I did that. I set out to do what I said what I was going to do, exactly.” That makes it easier to change your behavior because you can track your successes.
There may also be other measures you need to take to stay on course. For example, if you forget to take your medication, you may need to start taking them at a consistent time so you don’t forget. You may need to develop a new routine, like adding exercise or self-care to your schedule.
It may be that you just need to add new skills to help with your decision-making.
6. Be patient and persistent.
Patience and consistency are needed if you want to stop repeating mistakes. It takes time to unlearn bad habits and replace them with good habits.
The only way to make the progress you want is with consistency over a long period of time.
It’s okay if you stumble and mess up here and there. That’s totally normal and to be expected. Learn from the mistake, take it in your stride, and get back on the path you want to be on.
7. Cultivate and practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the act of being present in the moment. It can help you catch yourself before you make a bad decision.
Furthermore, mindfulness is beneficial for making better decisions because we often get swept up in the emotions of the moment. Then, you make a decision based on your emotions, which may be the kind of decision that leads to repeating your mistakes.
By staying present in the moment, you’re giving yourself a little time to pull apart your feelings, examine what you’re currently experiencing, and make a different choice. The less emotional charge behind your decision-making, the better your decisions will be.
Both positive and negative emotions may cause you to make bad decisions, repeatedly.
Negative emotions are easier to understand—you get angry, you yell, you’ve made a bad decision.
Positive emotions are a different ball of wax. Perhaps someone flirts with you, you find it flattering, you return the attention—but you have someone at home waiting for you.
8. Embrace a growth mindset.
“Growth mindset” is a phrase that is tossed around a lot with little explanation as to what it is.
Simply put, a growth mindset involves thinking differently about your failures. Every failure becomes a learning experience. It’s not something to necessarily dwell on and mourn for a long time.
Sure, it’s okay to be sad or frustrated about things. It’s okay for you to wish you could go back and change things. That is perfectly normal and healthy.
What isn’t healthy is falling into a dark hole about it and staying there. Every failure in life can be a learning opportunity, even if it’s painfully learning something that doesn’t work for you.
A failed relationship can teach you what you don’t want in future relationships.
A failed attempt at school may teach you that you need to pursue something else.
A failed anything can teach you that you need to adapt, pivot, and try for your goal again in a different way.
Having a growth mindset is about taking all your life experiences, good and bad, and allowing them to shape you in a healthy way—even when you go through bad things.
A growth mindset gives you permission to stop feeling bad about something you did or experienced.
9. Study philosophy.
Philosophy is the study of fundamental questions about life, knowledge, ethics, and reality through critical analysis and debate.
Philosophers explore themes such as the meaning of life and morality, seeking to better understand our place in the world and how to navigate it.
Though the discipline of philosophy is broad, it touches on every fundamental aspect of existence, including how we formulate our decisions based on our wisdom and world experiences.
Studying philosophy can help you better understand yourself, the people around you, and the situations you find yourself in, which can help you break bad habits and make better decisions.
10. Educate yourself.
Additional education provides knowledge and context that you may not have. It doesn’t need to be formal education in the sense of going back to school.
You could spend some time listening to podcasts or watching videos from experts who talk about subjects related to decision-making, such as philosophy and decision-making skills.
The more you know, the better equipped you are to make good decisions and find the right solutions.
11. Create an ethical framework for your life.
An ethical framework can help you predetermine your decisions.
For example, let’s say you are a person who gets emotionally overwhelmed when confronted in the moment. You may feel flustered and then make poor decisions because you are overwhelmed by emotion.
Well, you can limit the impact of emotion on the situation by considering your ethical stances ahead of time.
Imagine someone saying to you, “I need you to do this particularly shady thing. And here’s why…”
Well, you don’t need to consider it in that moment because you’ve already decided that kind of action goes against your personal code of ethics and morality. You’re already prepared to say, “No. I’m not doing that because it would be wrong.”
12. Develop your emotional intelligence.
Developing your emotional intelligence will help you feel greater empathy toward yourself and others. Empathy often helps guide decisions. If you feel that your actions may harm a person, empathy will often keep you from taking that action.
But empathy is not limited to just other people. Empathy, kindness, and consideration are all things that you should extend to yourself, too.
By practicing empathy toward yourself, you can be a little kinder to yourself and avoid bad decisions because you understand that you don’t deserve to hurt or suffer either.
13. Work on your communication skills.
Many bad decisions come from miscommunication. You may think the other person is saying one thing, when really, they’re saying another.
Anger may be a factor, which causes people to focus on the subject of their anger rather than the entire situation.
By developing your communication skills, you can better express your needs and understand the needs of others. That helps you arrive at better conclusions, make better decisions, and avoid unnecessary conflict, which can also be a factor in bad decision-making.
14. Consider Seeking professional help.
There are plenty of reasons for bad decision-making. Sometimes it’s trauma that warps our perspective. It could be that low self-esteem makes you think that you don’t deserve good things or kindness. It may be mental health issues or even just bad habits. Mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, or full-blown mental illness can disrupt the way you perceive the world, which makes it harder to make good decisions.
Whatever the reason may be, if you find yourself struggling to make the progress you’re looking for, you should talk to a therapist who can help you get to the root of the problem and work toward a solution.
A certified therapist may be able to point you to strategies and paths that other people who have faced similar changes have used to attain their success, if you find that you’re not able to do it on your own.
