18 Reasons You'd Rather Be Alone Than With People Who Care About You

Are You Shutting Yourself Away?

A woman with long brown hair, wearing a flowery shirt, is sitting outdoors in soft sunlight. She is holding a takeaway coffee cup with both hands and looking thoughtfully into the distance, with a slight smile on her face.

There are many reasons people isolate themselves from those who care about them, and not all of them are bad. Taken too far, isolation can become unhealthy, but actually there are many times it’s beneficial and exactly what you need. Here are some of the main reasons that fall at both ends of the spectrum.

1. You experience social anxiety.

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Social anxiety is a surprisingly prevalent condition. It gives the person an intense fear that they’re being watched and/or judged. It can manifest in a massive variety of ways and significantly disrupt a person’s life.

Social anxiety can make it impossible to meet new people, attend social events (even ones that you originally wanted to attend), answer the telephone, order food at a restaurant, go on a date, drive, or even go for a walk. Social anxiety can be dreadful to live with.

Although it is a mental health condition, it can leave a person with very physical symptoms like a racing heart, nausea, blurred vision, blushing, and more. People struggling and living with social anxiety aren’t rude or simply looking to avoid socializing. They’re the ones who feel trapped and unable to connect with the social world.

2. You’re neurodivergent.

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For neurodivergent individuals, such as those who are autistic, ADHD, or both (AuDDHD), self-isolation can sometimes be a natural and necessary coping mechanism. The neurodivergent brain processes information and experiences the world differently, which can make social interactions more challenging or overwhelming.

Neurodivergent people may find themselves needing more alone time to recharge after social interactions or to process sensory information. This is not a flaw or something that needs to be “fixed,” but rather a valid need that stems from their unique neurological makeup.

If you’re neurodivergent and find yourself isolating more than you’d like, consider exploring neurodivergent-friendly social spaces or activities that align with your interests and comfort level. Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to socializing, and it’s important to engage with others in ways that feel authentic and comfortable to you.

3. You’re struggling with your mental health.

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Living with depression or any other mental health conditions can lead a person to isolate themselves. Mental health problems often involve a chemical/hormonal imbalance in the brain and can leave a person feeling down, sad, hopeless, and alone. Sometimes people isolate to take care of themselves; other times, it can be to save loved ones from seeing them at their worst.

Depression can make it challenging to complete daily living tasks such as showering or brushing your teeth. Furthermore, on bad depression days, it might feel like it requires too much energy to put the mask on and smile, and staying in and being alone is more feasible.

Depression can strip a person of everyday living. It tries to convince the sufferer that they’re not worthy or important and that the world doesn’t need them. It’s important to remember that none of these things are true.

Depression and other mental health problems have both mental and physical symptoms. It can be challenging to cope with all the symptoms, and self-isolation can seem like the best idea. However, doing this for any length of time will likely leave a person feeling even worse and more detached from the world.

Mental health conditions can hinder a person’s life and prevent them from working or following through with regular tasks. In addition, it can feel like an enormous amount of heaviness following you around, and isolating yourself might help you feel safe.

4. You’re an introvert.

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Introversion is a personality trait characterized by a preference for quieter environments and a tendency to recharge through solitude. Unlike social anxiety or shyness, introversion is simply a different way of interacting with the world.

For introverts, self-isolation often feels natural and necessary. They may need to retreat from social situations more frequently than extroverts to maintain their energy levels. This is because social interactions, while potentially enjoyable, can be mentally and emotionally draining for introverts.

Introverts might isolate themselves to recharge after social interactions, to engage in deep thinking or creative pursuits, to process information without distractions and enjoy solitary hobbies or activities.

While introversion is healthy, it’s crucial to balance the need for solitude with maintaining social connections. Prolonged isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness, even for introverts.

5. You feel like you don’t fit in.

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When a person is feeling alienated, they feel emotionally detached. It might seem like they don’t fit in or that others don’t understand or care. Feeling alienated can be a major reason why someone wants to isolate themself. It is common to want to retreat if you feel misunderstood or not cared for.

When people feel alienated, they will be more likely to reject support and care from loved ones. They might feel hopeless or like their role in the world is meaningless. When the person feeling alienated is with loved ones, they might still be struggling with feeling different or detached from their immediate surroundings and like they don’t belong. When a person feels this way, they’ll be more likely to isolate themselves.

6. You have toxic relationships.

A woman and a man sit back-to-back on a bed in a brightly lit bedroom. The woman appears thoughtful with a distant gaze, while the man looks down with crossed arms, both seemingly in a moment of tension or disagreement.

Sometimes, people isolate themselves because of toxic family or toxic relationships. It might feel like a coping tool to isolate rather than face that person, or perhaps challenge the situation. A toxic person might dish out cruel criticisms, give you the silent treatment after an argument, make you feel bad about everything, threaten you, and more.

While the saying goes, you only have one family, it’s important to note that being family doesn’t give, and shouldn’t give, people a pass to mistreat you. Being family doesn’t give a permission slip for this. Isolating yourself might feel like a safe haven compared to dealing with a toxic person.

7. You’re grieving.

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Self-isolation might sound like a good idea when experiencing grief. You might experience grief for a variety of reasons, but we’ll focus on the example of losing a loved one in this article.

That sort of loss is an emotionally charged obstacle, and grief can make you feel very heavy and empty. These types of emotions can linger for a long time. Grief can be very overwhelming and leave you feeling detached from the world. It can cause varying emotions, and isolation might be intended or happen accidentally. (For example, if you’re so sad and you haven’t left your bed in a few days, it’s unintentional self-isolation.)

8. You’re under financial strain.

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The impact of dealing with financial stress can cause a person to isolate themself. They might feel ashamed, embarrassed, or struggle with low self-esteem.

Financial stress can have mental and physical effects that will only worsen until they’re dealt with. People who self-isolate because of lingering financial worries can experience anxiety and stress.

9. You’ve moved to a new town.

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If you’ve moved to a new home, property, or community, you might feel isolated. Moving to a new place is a lot of work, and making friends as adults is tough, so naturally, self-isolating can feel like a safe response.

However, being new to a community can increase social anxiety and just generally make a person feel nervous and unsure.

10. You experience catastrophic thinking.

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Catastrophic thinking is the term used for thinking and obsessing about the worst-case scenarios. For people who struggle with this, the worst-case scenarios can feel very real and present. However, catastrophic thinking might be absurd for those who don’t struggle with this type of anxiety. Many people struggle with it and can’t control it.

Catastrophic thinking can increase anxiety and cause people to isolate and avoid situations that they need to deal with. Catastrophic thinking can feel very hard to talk about. Furthermore, many catastrophic thoughts end in disaster of some kind. Therefore, the feelings that come with these thoughts are very real.

11. You’re in burnout.

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Burnout is the name for the exhausted feeling one experiences from constantly being swamped. The feeling can happen during prolonged periods of intense stress. It can occur both in the workplace and in your personal life.

A few symptoms of burnout are a strong sense of failure, detachment from the world, defeat, and a sense of hopelessness. Burnout can result in a person feeling completely unmotivated and uninspired; they don’t want to do anything. This is how burnout can lead to self-isolation. Burnout can leave you feeling exhausted and too tired to do anything.

12. You’ve got a phobia.

A man with a beard sits on a wooden park bench, holding a cold beverage with a straw, wearing a blue denim shirt and shorts, and black shoes. He's gazing into the distance on a sunny day with lush green grass and trees in the background.

The word phobia is a general term used to refer to an irrational fear or aversion to something. Phobias exist everywhere, and even if you think you are the only one with this particular fear, I’m telling you, you’re not.

Phobias can stop a person from functioning normally and completing their daily tasks. In addition, phobias can be very intense and result in a person isolating rather than facing them.

13. You feel embarrassed.

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Living with embarrassment or shame might lead a person to isolate themselves. Embarrassment is a big emotion that can leave a person feeling increasingly self-conscious and awkward. It can also lead to low self-esteem.

In addition, living with shame or embarrassment can be a trigger for anxiety and depression. These feelings can arise for many reasons (for example, body image issues, feelings of self-consciousness about wearing a specific outfit, the embarrassment of not being able to afford to go out, and so on).

Embarrassment is a perfectly normal emotion, but if it stops you from living your life, then it’s no longer normal. For example, a person may be embarrassed about a bad haircut, their body, or their scars. Feeling embarrassment for these things is normal, but it can be overcome by doing little confidence-boosting exercises.

14. You’re experiencing emotional pain.

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Emotional pain is any pain that doesn’t take a physical presence. It can be triggered by anxiety, depression, grief, loss, and so much more. Emotional pain is heavy to carry around and can leave a person feeling beaten down.

Regardless of the reason for emotional pain, it can create intense psychological effects. For example, a person living with emotional pain might experience feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and rage. These emotions can lead to self-isolation.

A person with emotional pain will isolate themselves for a variety of reasons. It could be what feels good to them, but it could also be avoidance of the real world and people. Emotional pain can be intense and even trigger physical symptoms such as aches and pains, headaches, or dizziness.

15. You feel unsafe.

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The feelings involved with being unsafe or even just feeling that way are intense. They can be triggered because of PTSD, anxiety, or common sense.

For example, people might feel unsafe in their neighborhood, with certain people, around certain things, and so on. Feeling unsafe can cause feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression.

The importance of feeling safe is significant. Feeling unsafe might stem from childhood, a certain situation, various phobias, or mental health conditions. Living with the feeling of being unsafe can be challenging and may cause a person to isolate themselves.

16. Social media is affecting you negatively.

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Social media usually shows us a carefully curated version of an individual’s life. If a person isn’t careful, thoughts of comparison and feelings of inadequacy often creep in.

Though social media has many benefits, such as being part of a community and spreading awareness and education, some negatives can really hinder people. If you’re having negative feelings surrounding social media, you can do a few things instead of isolating yourself. Isolating yourself will likely leave you feeling worse and less in control.

17. You’ve got relationship issues.

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If a person finds themself struggling with their relationship, it could also trigger them to self-isolate. Whether the emotions are coming from having an abusive partner or just not feeling good in the relationship, the feelings are valid and need to be addressed.

People might isolate themselves if they’re dealing with this because they’re ashamed or embarrassed. In addition, they may avoid telling their loved ones because they don’t want them to worry.

18. You’re physically unwell.

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We’ve all had that awful head cold, strep throat, or flu. It can be trying to continue daily life while managing various symptoms, and isolating can feel like the best thing to do. Of course, staying away from people when you’re sick is important, but there are still things you can do to remain connected and supported. The importance of a supportive network can’t be underestimated when it comes to healing from illness or injury.