12 Signs You're Obsessed With Someone In A Not So Healthy Way

Is this true love that you’re feeling, or obsessive love?

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair and a beige sweater smiles warmly while resting her head on her hand. She appears to be in conversation with a person in the foreground, who is partially visible and facing her. The background is softly blurred.

If you’re showing lots of the following signs, it’s not quite love that you’re feeling.

You might be dealing with a bigger issue.

It’s nothing that you can’t overcome with a little effort, so don’t panic.

Keep reading to find out whether your feelings for your crush, ex, or partner have become obsessive.

This is especially important if you’re feeling this way about someone you don’t know or barely know, because your thoughts and feelings are based on pure fantasy rather than a concrete relationship.

1. You can’t get this person out of your head.

A young woman with long brown hair sits outdoors with her eyes closed in a peaceful expression. She is wearing a black top and leans against a dark pillar. The background is blurred, showing hints of greenery and urban elements.

Let’s face it, all you really want to do is spend every minute with this person, and you think about them all the time.

You’re even thinking about them right now.

Their name, their smile, their eyes… didn’t you take a deep breath or smile just now when all this popped into your head?

If thinking about them prevents you from functioning as well as you used to, you must put a stop to this.

Do you know for sure that you spend as much time in their mind as they do in yours?

If not, you need to let those thoughts go.

2. You’re fantasizing about being with them.

A man with dark hair, wearing a light blue shirt, is lying back on a white pillow with his hands behind his head. He is looking upward with a relaxed and content expression. The background is blurred, emphasizing the man's face and upper body.

If only they felt the same way about you, you would have the most amazing date and end up in a long-term relationship. You’d soon buy a house and maybe get a dog before having two children, a boy, and a girl. Alice and Mark would have your brains and wit and their good looks and charm.

Wait, what?

If you’ve already started coming up with kids’ names or picturing yourself at the altar with the person who may not even know you exist, stop right now.

Okay, maybe you haven’t got to kids’ names yet, but do you spend your days daydreaming about cuddling with this person like it’s the only thing that could make you happy?

3. You are idealizing them.

A woman with curly brown hair and a striped shirt smiles while looking up at a man with a short beard. They are indoors, standing close to each other, with a brick wall partially visible in the background.

Most likely, you’re putting this person on a pedestal on which they certainly don’t belong.

Are they the most amazing person in the world without a single flaw?

Sure, you are rational enough to know that they’re not perfect, but they are perfect to you, and you would love every flaw they have.

Or so you make yourself think, because you have spent hours and hours fantasizing about who this person really is without a lot to go on.

Even if you know more than a few things about them, you have fallen for the picture of them you have created in your mind, rather than the person they truly are.

You’re drunk on love. It’s actually infatuation, so don’t confuse it with the true love that you deserve!

4. You are possessive toward them.

A couple sits on a stone bench outdoors. The man, wearing a cap and dark clothing, embraces the woman from behind, smiling. The woman, wearing a patterned jacket and purple pants, closes her eyes and smiles. The background features historical architecture and statues.

One of the signs you have obsessive feelings toward someone is when you can’t imagine them with anyone else.

Nor do you want to ever actually see them with someone else. It doesn’t even have to be someone they might be interested in.

Since they appear perfect to you, you’ll imagine that they’re much more desirable than they truly are, and you’ll think that everybody sees that and wants them just like you do.

Wouldn’t it be great if the two of you could get stranded on a deserted island where you’ll have them all to yourself forever?

Well, it probably wouldn’t be great, and you need to become aware of that fact.

5. You care a lot about their opinions.

A man and a woman sit across from each other at a wooden table, holding white mugs and smiling. They are both wearing white shirts. A bright window with greenery in the background illuminates the scene. Glasses rest on the table near the woman.

This person’s opinions mean the world to you, and they affect the way you live your life.

You’ve never even bought a stamp in your life, but now you’re passionate about collecting stamps.

You’d rather be caught dead than wear white, but suddenly you’re in your white t-shirt every day.

It’s not hard to guess who really likes white t-shirts and collecting stamps here.

When you can’t be with someone you want so badly, you might be tempted to try to become them, or at least get them to like you by liking the things they like.

6. You feel the need to protect them.

A man with red hair gently hugs a woman with blonde hair. The woman has her eyes closed and rests her head on his shoulder, appearing comforted. They are both wearing casual clothing, and the background is softly lit, suggesting warmth and intimacy.

Maybe you think that you’re protecting them by trying to turn them against their friends or getting them to stop going to the places they like.

But do you know what you’re really trying to do?

You want to control and isolate them, and these are clear signs you have obsessive feelings toward someone.

Your need to protect them isn’t born from a genuine worry about their safety as you might think. It’s just about you wanting them all for yourself, and that’s not good for either of you.

7. You are jealous when you see them with someone else.

Three adults are outdoors with a scenic background of hills and a town. In the foreground, a woman with blonde hair and a bearded man hold hands and face each other. In the background, a second man looks at them with an expression of surprise or concern.

As you already learned, your possessiveness will turn into irrational jealousy.

You will be jealous of anyone of the opposite gender that they talk to.

But not just them. You’ll be jealous of anyone who talks to them, regardless of their gender and interest in this person.

After all, they are taking them from you for a while.

You’re jealous of the time and attention that they give to others because you want them so badly for yourself, and they aren’t willing to give you what you need.

8. You can’t accept their rejection.

A man smiling and offering a bouquet of flowers to a woman who appears uninterested or uncomfortable. They are seated at a table in a bright setting with a window view. The woman is leaning back with a skeptical expression.

Perhaps they have made it clear that they’re not interested in you, or it has become clear through their actions.

Either way, you can’t take no for an answer.

You’re willing to fight for them and win them over, no matter what it takes.

In a different scenario, this would be considered romantic, but when the person has made it perfectly clear that they don’t want you to chase them, don’t make them run.

Not everyone is going to like you, and sometimes the person who doesn’t like you is the one you adore.

That hurts, but you have to accept the rejection and move on with your life if you don’t want the only memory of this relationship to be a restraining order.

9. You constantly try to reach out to them.

A young man with brown hair, wearing a blue and green checkered shirt, sits against a tufted white background. He holds a smartphone to his lips, looking thoughtful and concerned.

Speaking of restraining orders, constantly calling and texting this person could make them want to file for one.

One innocent text turns into three follow-ups and a drunken call at 4 in the morning.

Think about it: do they ever reach out to you first? If not, why not?

Do they make you wait for a response, respond with only a few words, or don’t respond at all? Have they blocked you on social media?

Well, it couldn’t get any clearer than that without the aforementioned restraining order.

10. You’re neglecting other people in your life because of this person.

A young woman with dark hair sits on the floor against a bed, looking down with a contemplative or somber expression in a dimly lit bedroom with light coming through the window. The room has soft tones, with curtains and bedspreads in muted colors.

Ever since you became obsessed with this person, everyone else ceased to exist.

Or so it seems.

You just want to be with this person, and you have no time for the other people in your life because you’re busy plotting how to achieve that.

If you do see your friends and relatives, you can’t help but talk about the person you’re obsessed with.

You’ve even neglected your work responsibilities and hobbies because you can’t focus, and this person has become your main priority.

You don’t want them to ever find you unavailable because one of these days, they’ll call, and you need to be ready.

What about those who actually call you and don’t just make you hope that they will? Let them in.

11. You analyze everything they do and say.

A person with blue hair and multiple earrings is standing outdoors, looking downwards. They are wearing a white shirt over a black top. The background features a beach with trees and structures. The lighting suggests it's either morning or late afternoon.

The truth is, there are probably no hidden messages in the things this person says to you or does around you.

However, you search for them anyway in the hope of finding the answer that you want to hear.

You want to see signs they like you and that you have some special connection, so you analyze their words and actions to find proof.

When there’s no proof, you might even invent some and misinterpret their words or behavior as a sign they feel the same way about you.

12. You start stalking them.

A woman with shoulder-length blonde hair wearing a blue shirt looks over her shoulder in a parking garage. A hooded figure stands in the background, slightly blurred. The scene appears tense or suspenseful.