11 Supposedly Innocent Things Narcissists Say To Make You Feel Like Less Of A Person

These narcissistic phrases can make you feel really small.

A man with glasses whispers closely to a woman with an anxious expression. The man has short, light hair and a beard, while the woman has her hair tied up and is wearing a red dress. The background is dark, highlighting their facial expressions.

Narcissists are masters of manipulation, often disguising their harmful words as innocuous comments. These seemingly harmless phrases can chip away at your self-esteem, leaving you questioning your worth and sanity. Let’s unmask 11 common expressions narcissists use to diminish others, and arm ourselves with the knowledge to recognize and combat their toxic tactics.

1. “I was only joking.”

A woman with long brown hair in a gray sweater gesturing with both hands while speaking to a man with short dark hair in a light blue shirt. They are seated on a couch in a modern living room with a staircase in the background.

Laughter echoes, but the sting remains. This classic deflection tactic allows narcissists to deliver hurtful barbs while maintaining plausible deniability. By framing their insults as jokes, they shift the blame onto you for being unable to “take a joke.” This phrase invalidates your feelings and gaslights you into doubting your emotional responses. The line between humor and harm becomes blurred, leaving the recipient confused and questioning their reactions.

2. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Two women engage in a conversation against a plain blue background. One woman, wearing a red embroidered top, gestures with open hands. The other woman, in a white headband and a light purple shirt, responds with a pointing gesture and a smile.

Intellectual superiority is a narcissist’s favorite cloak. This dismissive phrase serves a dual purpose: it elevates the narcissist while simultaneously putting you down. By implying that you lack the capacity to grasp their “superior” thoughts or experiences, they create a power imbalance. This tactic isolates you and erodes your confidence in your own intelligence and perceptions. The resulting self-doubt can be deeply ingrained and long-lasting.

3. “You’re so embarrassing.”

A man in a purple shirt sits on a couch with his arms crossed, looking away, appearing upset. A woman in a white tank top, sitting in the background on the same couch, gestures with her hands and looks at him with an expressive, questioning look.

Public humiliation is a powerful weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal. This phrase strikes at the heart of your social confidence, making you second-guess your every move in public. The narcissist aims to control your behavior by instilling fear of embarrassment. They may use this tactic to discourage you from expressing yourself freely or to keep you dependent on their guidance in social situations. The impact on one’s social life and self-expression can be profound.

4. “That’s not what happened.”

A person with short hair and a blue sweater is sitting with their arms crossed, looking away. Another person with medium-length hair and a striped shirt is standing nearby, gesturing with one hand, appearing to be in a serious conversation.

Reality becomes a shifting landscape when dealing with a narcissist. This phrase is a cornerstone of gaslighting, a manipulation technique designed to make you question your own memories and perceptions. By confidently asserting a different version of events, the narcissist creates doubt and confusion. This tactic can leave you feeling disoriented and unsure of your own experiences. The long-term effects of this manipulation are psychologically damaging.

5. “If you really loved me…”

A woman in a light blue sweater appears to be confronting a man in a beige shirt who sits next to her on a white couch. The woman is gesturing with her hand while the man looks away with a slightly frustrated expression.

Emotional blackmail wrapped in a velvet glove. This phrase weaponizes your affection, using it as leverage to control your behavior or extract concessions. It’s a manipulative tactic that plays on your desire to prove your love and commitment. The narcissist may use this to push your boundaries or coerce you into actions that make you uncomfortable. This manipulation can lead to a toxic cycle of proving one’s love through increasingly unreasonable demands.

6. “You’re being dramatic.”

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a light pink cardigan, sits on a light-colored couch with her arms crossed and a distressed expression. A man, with short brown hair wearing a white shirt, faces her and appears to be talking. The setting is a brightly lit room.

Emotions become a battleground with this dismissive phrase. By labeling your feelings as “dramatic,” the narcissist invalidates your emotional experiences and paints you as irrational. This tactic serves to minimize legitimate concerns and shut down important conversations. It’s a form of emotional gaslighting that can leave you doubting the validity of your own feelings. Over time, this can lead to emotional suppression and difficulty expressing oneself.

7. “You’re lucky to have me.”

A woman and a man are in a modern restaurant. She is seated at a table with sushi and a cup of tea, looking up at him. The man, in a dark blazer, stands next to her, leaning forward slightly, engaged in conversation. The restaurant has a stylish, contemporary interior.

Gratitude becomes a weapon in the hands of a narcissist. This phrase is designed to create a sense of indebtedness and unworthiness. By implying that you should feel fortunate for their presence, they elevate themselves while diminishing your value in the relationship. This tactic can lead to a dangerous imbalance where you feel constantly beholden to them and grateful for basic decency or affection. The resulting power dynamic can be deeply damaging to one’s self-esteem.

8. “You’re twisting my words.”

Two women are having a serious conversation outdoors. One woman with her back to the camera has long blonde hair and is wearing a maroon shirt. The other woman with long brown hair and wearing a blue tank top has a concerned expression and gesturing with her hands.

Accountability slips away with this cunning phrase. When confronted with their own harmful statements, narcissists often employ this tactic to evade responsibility. By accusing you of misinterpreting or misrepresenting their words, they shift the blame onto you. This can leave you second-guessing your understanding and memory of conversations. The constant doubt can lead to a sense of cognitive dissonance and emotional exhaustion.

9. “You’re so sensitive.”

Two women are in a brightly lit room. One, with curly blonde hair and wearing a yellow shirt, is standing and pointing, appearing angry. The other, with straight dark hair and wearing a white shirt, is sitting on a bed looking confused and defensive.

Empathy becomes a weakness in the narcissist’s playbook. This phrase is a double-edged sword, simultaneously invalidating your feelings and positioning the narcissist as the rational party. By labeling you as “sensitive,” they imply that your emotional responses are excessive or unwarranted. This tactic can make you hesitant to express your feelings or stand up for yourself in the future. The long-term effect can be a diminished capacity to trust one’s own emotional responses.

10. “I’d better help you with that.”

Two women sit on the floor in front of an open laptop, engaged in discussion. One has braided hair and wears glasses and a white shirt; the other has light hair tied back and wears a striped shirt. An open book lies in front of them, with a gray couch in the background.

Independence crumbles under the guise of assistance. While this phrase may seem helpful on the surface, narcissists often use it to undermine your confidence and foster dependency. By implying that you’re incapable of handling tasks on your own, they position themselves as indispensable. This tactic can erode your self-reliance over time. The resulting dependency can be difficult to break, even when recognized.

11. “I didn’t say that.”

A man and a woman sit on a gray sofa in a living room with green plants in the background. The woman, wearing a beige sweater, appears to be speaking emphatically, gesturing with her hands. The man, in a blue denim shirt, looks pensive, resting his head on his hand.

Truth becomes a casualty in the narcissist’s world. This outright denial is a blatant form of gaslighting, designed to make you question your memory and perception of reality. By confidently refuting things they’ve clearly said, narcissists create confusion and self-doubt. This tactic can be particularly destabilizing, especially when used repeatedly over time. The cumulative effect can lead to a profound disconnection from one’s own experiences and memories.