People who didn't receive enough emotional support as a child display these 12 traits as adults

These traits stem from a lack of emotional support in childhood.

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A healthy and happy childhood is largely reliant on having emotionally healthy carers. But the world isn’t always kind or easy, and some adults struggle to provide the love and support a child needs to feel safe. If emotional support is lacking in childhood, an adult might display many of these traits.

1. They may have low self-esteem.

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While not set in stone, a person’s self-esteem is largely developed in childhood through the love and support of the people around them. Those who receive no encouragement or are emotionally abused never have the opportunity to develop healthy self-esteem. The result is that they often feel undeserving of love and success.

2. They may fear rejection.

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These individuals may struggle with the fear of abandonment or rejection. They are always anticipating being let down by others because they were let down by their childhood caregivers. In order to protect themselves, they may be overly cautious in relationships and avoid emotional vulnerability. That prevents them from forming healthy relationships.

3. They may have difficulty expressing emotions.

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People learn to process emotions almost from the moment they are born. Without proper support from emotionally stable adults, they struggle to identify, manage, and express their emotions. That often leads to unhealthy behaviors like emotional suppression or outbursts that they struggle to control.

4. They may need external validation.

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Children who receive positive reinforcement develop a healthy sense of internal validation. They don’t need to seek approval to be told they are good enough by an outsider. Instead, they can see the intrinsic value that they have by just looking within. When that reinforcement is lacking, or when it is negative, a person may grow up needing others to confirm their worth on a regular basis.

5. They may have difficulty trusting others.

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Trust issues are common in those who lacked emotional support as a child. The person learned early on that other people can be unreliable or cruel. They may find it hard to form close relationships because they are overly guarded and suspicious of others’ motives. Distance is a way to protect themselves from harm.

6. They may be a perfectionist.

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Perfectionism is an unhealthy coping mechanism for feelings of inadequacy, among other things. The person develops a subconscious need to be perfect so that they may ‘earn’ the love and validation they did not receive as children. Sadly, perfection remains ever elusive, so the individual never truly feels good enough.

7. They may be people-pleasers.

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People-pleasers prioritize others’ needs over their own to gain approval or avoid conflict. These people often suppress their own desires and boundaries to make others happy. In doing so, they are repeating behaviors they learned as a child whereby they longed to be told nice things by their caregivers or were afraid of the consequences if they did not obey.

8. They may experience anxiety.

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Chronic anxiety or hypervigilance can be caused by a lack of emotional safety and stability as a child. A person who is constantly on edge, overly sensitive, or overthinking fuels their own anxiety because they are trying to perceive emotional threats before they present themselves.

9. They may be afraid of conflict.

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Adults who lacked emotional support as a child may avoid confrontation so they can avoid rejection. That means that they will often not express their true feelings or needs in a relationship. Instead, they will just put up with not having their needs met at their own expense.

10. They may have attachment issues.

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Emotional neglect can lead to anxious or avoidant attachment styles. They may cling to others out of fear of abandonment or maintain emotional distance to protect themselves from being hurt. These maladaptive coping skills make it very difficult for the person to form or maintain healthy relationships.

11. They may have difficulty setting boundaries.

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A child who lacks support may struggle to assert their needs and set healthy boundaries as an adult. They will often feel guilty or uncomfortable doing so, as though they are an inconvenience in the relationship. And because they avoid conflict, they don’t defend their boundaries even if they manage to voice them.

12. They may have a tendency toward codependency.

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In some cases, they may form codependent relationships. A childhood devoid of emotional support may cause the adult to over-correct by determining their self-worth based on how much someone else needs them. They may become the crutch that someone else relies on. This behavior is typically at their own expense and well-being, often neglectful of their emotions and boundaries.