How To Not Care What People Think About You: 9 Tips That Work

How To Care Less About What People Think

A person with short brown hair is standing outdoors, wearing a blue sleeveless top. They have their arms raised and eyes closed, smiling and facing the warm sunlight. The background is a blurry mix of trees and greenery.

If you spend half your life worrying what other people are thinking, how can you turn the tap and stop those thoughts flowing into your head?

Many of the steps you can take involve challenging your thoughts and rationally counteracting them.

In this way, you can begin to change your mindset from one that cares what people think to one that doesn’t give a damn.

Let’s take a look at some of the things you can do.

1. Realize that people don’t really think about you much.

Three women are sitting at a table in a café, enjoying coffee and laughing together. The table has a small potted plant on it. The background shows large windows with sunlight streaming in and some greenery visible through the glass.

If you could look inside someone else’s head for a minute, you’d see that they have many of the same worries as you do.

And, more importantly, you’d realize that they spend most of their time thinking about their own lives, their own problems, and their own actions.

In other words, they are not thinking about you. Not unless you are someone really important in their lives.

Even our good friends probably spend very little time thinking about us when we’re not with them. And as for the person on the street, they will probably walk past you without giving you a second thought.

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” – Ann Landers

2. Remember the important people think highly of you.

A young woman with long dark hair embraces an older woman with short blonde hair in a bright, white room. Both appear content and are sharing a close, warm hug. Charts are visible on the wall in the background.

Those who really mean something to you aren’t going to go around thinking bad things about you.

Whatever problems you may be facing or insecurities you have, if they love and care for you, they’ll be thinking compassionate thoughts and asking how they can help you.

They won’t be ridiculing you in their heads or criticizing your every move.

And those who aren’t important to you? Who the hell cares what they think – they’re NOT important for you.

3. Your happiness and peace of mind are not dependent on other people.

A woman with blonde hair smiles broadly, wearing a wide-brimmed hat, sunglasses, and a black mesh top. She stands outdoors with a backdrop of blurred trees and sunlight filtering through, creating a warm, cheerful atmosphere.

IF someone IS thinking about you, what does that mean for you? In the immediate here and now, not a lot.

You won’t ever know for sure if someone is thinking about you or what they’re thinking. You worrying about it makes no difference to what they may or may not be thinking.

All you can do is focus on your own thoughts. What this means is that your happiness depends on what you choose to think about, not on what other people might be thinking.

What they are thinking is irrelevant. They may be criticizing you or even focusing anger, resentment, jealousy, or some other negative emotion at you, but that’s in their heads, not yours.

You can choose to think about something positive, or to not think at all and just be mindful.

4. Learn that perfection is non-existent.

A young person with long hair pulled back is outdoors, wearing a light-colored long sleeve top. They have their hands placed on their head and appear to be looking into the distance. The background is softly blurred, indicating a natural setting.

If we go back to those causes from section one, we can remind ourselves that we might obsess over what others are thinking because we want to be liked and we want to impress others.

A consequence of this is that we strive to be perfect so that people will like us. We want to be the perfect friends or lovers, say the perfect things at the perfect time, look perfect, and have perfect things.

I hate to break it to you: perfection doesn’t exist.

No one is perfect because everything is subjective. There is no single version of perfection.

We all have good points and we all have flaws. That’s how we are. If you can accept that, you won’t care so much about what people are thinking.

“Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.” – Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones

5. Be the person you want to be, not the person you think others want you to be.

A woman with long, curly hair smiles brightly with one hand in her hair. She is wearing a white sleeveless top and a wristband, and is standing in front of a blue, blurry background, possibly water.

By caring so much about what other people think, you are effectively handing them the keys to your life.

You change your actions, make different choices, and believe different things. You present a person that you think others will like.

You tell yourself that if you do this, they will think better of you than they already do. This will quell the worry you live with.

Only, it won’t.

It won’t because you’ll still be forever in the dark about what kind of person they would like you to be. You’ll have to guess. And because you won’t know for sure, your worries will persist.

What’s more, when you look back on your life, you’ll realize that you’ve been living life for someone else, not for yourself. And you’ll regret it.

If you can look deep down and ask what type of person you really want to be, and then be that person, you’ll stop caring what other people think. You’ll be living an authentic life and you’ll be in control of it.

“All stress, anxiety, depression, is caused when we ignore who we are, and start living to please others.” – Paulo Coelho

6. Build your self-esteem and confidence.

A man with a trimmed beard and short hair stands with his arms crossed, leaning against a metal fence. He wears a red t-shirt and looks directly at the camera with a confident expression. Bright sunlight creates a vivid backdrop, with a slightly blurred urban environment.

If you have belief and confidence in yourself, the thoughts and opinions of other people won’t matter so much to you.

In knowing who you are, what you stand for, and what you bring to the lives of others, you won’t feel such a need to be liked or to impress them.

These things take time, so be patient and be compassionate with yourself as you go.

7. Change the stories you tell yourself.

A woman with long brown hair, wearing a red dress, stands in front of a mirror adjusting the dress. She appears to be in a clothing store or fitting room, surrounded by hanging clothes. The scene captures her reflection and expression as she examines the fit.

Just listen to that inner voice of yours; what does it say? What we tell ourselves is important because we are likely to believe it.

So when we say, “I must be popular because X, Y, and Z,” we believe it. This is what then leads us to question whether or not we are popular.

We don’t challenge our thoughts enough. We don’t question what our own mind is telling us.

But we should. We should examine our thoughts carefully and look for where they are irrational or unfounded.

Then we can dismiss unhelpful, untrue notions and replace them with more realistic, positive stories – stories that relate to some of the other points in this section.

Instead of “everyone is looking at me and judging the way I look,” we can remind ourselves of the truth that is, “people are not fixated on how I look; they are busy thinking about themselves.”

8. Confront your fears.

Two women are sitting and engaged in a lively conversation outdoors. One has long black hair and is wearing a white sweater, while the other has blonde hair and is dressed in a yellow sweater, holding a book on her lap. Green foliage and building structures are in the background.

To train our brains to overcome our fears, we can try exposing ourselves to the very things we’re afraid of.

So, in this case, we can put ourselves in situations where we worry people might be thinking about us and judging us.

Perhaps you go out without makeup, or you throw some shapes on the dance floor, or you make your true views known about a particular subject.

If there is something where you feel like people are being overly interested in what you look like, what you’re doing, or what you think, do it. And do it again and again.

Then watch what happens.

You’ll find that the sky doesn’t come crashing down, your life hasn’t all but ended, your friends haven’t abandoned you, and you haven’t faced public humiliation.

Instead, you’ll probably experience a feeling of pure liberation. You’ll feel pride in yourself, utter relief in being able to show your true colors, and a sense of peace and calm as your frantic mind slows down.

Speaking of slowing your mind down…

9. Practice mindfulness.

A woman with long curly hair is leaning against a wall with her eyes closed, head tilted back, and wearing a bright yellow shirt. The background is blurred, focusing attention on her relaxed and meditative expression.

One way to stop caring so much about what other people think is to clear your mind and try to focus on the present moment.

Mindful practices like meditation, yoga, and carefree play can help break the cycle of obsessive thought and worry.

While being grounded in the now, it is virtually impossible to think or worry about other people’s opinions of you.

Finally…

A man with long hair tied back is standing on a beach, looking off into the distance. He is wearing a light gray V-neck T-shirt. The background features a calm sea and a hazy, out-of-focus shoreline. The atmosphere is bright and sunny.