Petty people reveal themselves with these 11 giveaway behaviors

How do you spot a petty person?

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a light gray cardigan and white top, sits at a table in a café. She looks surprised and holds a fork. The table has several dishes, including fruit, coffee, and croissants. A window showing a street view is behind her.

Pettiness is an annoyance more than anything else. Petty people are often miserable, insecure people who need to take their misery out on others.

After all, if they can’t be happy, why should anyone else be? Instead of taking up their displeasure directly with those who might be causing it, or seeking help for their problems, they choose to take it out on others.

A petty person will be obvious if you understand what to look for. They often exhibit more than one trait.

So, what should you look for?

1. They hold grudges, even for little things.

A woman with long brown hair, wearing a white top and pink pants, sits on a couch gesturing with her hands up, looking distressed. She is talking to a man with short hair wearing a light blue shirt and beige pants, who is facing her with his back to the camera.

Petty people hold grudges because it gives them ammunition to use against you later.

It doesn’t matter how big or small the grievance is, they will hold on to it.

You may apologize, but it’s never good enough. They may not accept your apology, or they will accept your apology but still use it against you later.

They may even hold grudges against people they’ve never met or interacted with, like celebrities, entertainers, or influencers.

2. They seek revenge.

A woman with light brown hair rests her head on her hand. She is seated on a couch and gazes thoughtfully into the distance. She is wearing a sleeveless, pink top. The background is blurred with greenery, giving the image a serene feel.

They often feel justified in seeking revenge for grievances done to them, even if apologies are made and the situation is made right.

They can’t let an accidental slight go until they balance the scales or tip them in their favor.

It doesn’t matter how serious the grievance is, either. It can be the most minor slight, and they still demand blood for it.

3. They are easily offended.

A woman with a serious expression and crossed arms sits on a couch, turned away from a man who appears frustrated or upset. Both are dressed in casual clothing and are sitting in a living room with a light-colored, patterned wallpaper.

Offense is a nebulous thing that can be bent to fit any whim. That makes it an ideal tool in the petty person’s toolbox because they can move the goalposts when they feel they are losing control.

They will often be angry about small things that other people wouldn’t be angry about. “I’m offended” just means, “I’m angry about what you’ve said or done, and now you have to deal with my anger.”

Adults need to learn to deal with their emotions. No one is owed caretaking.

4. They nitpick.

Two businesswomen in professional attire, one in a navy suit and the other in a beige suit, are engaged in a conversation in a bright, modern office space. In the blurred background, two men are also conversing near a window with a city view.

Small problems and minor mistakes happen. Emotionally healthy people will look at these things and either fix them or move on. They aren’t worth the time and emotional energy to make a big thing out of.

Petty people, on the other hand, will blow these minor things up into major problems, usually centered around how it inconveniences them or makes the other person look incompetent.

5. They are overly competitive.

Two women are working together in an office setting. One woman is standing and pointing at a laptop screen while the other is seated, attentively looking at the screen and touching her neck. Both appear engaged and focused on the work.

Petty people are often trying to make up for something missing in them. Their insecurities surface when they feel they are in competition because they want to make themselves feel better.

They may also turn events that are not competitions into competitions so they can “win.”

It may also be a minor event. For example, some people take casual sports too seriously because they try to be a competitor when no one else is.

There’s nothing wrong with a friendly competition as long as everyone is competing fairly.

6. They spread and engage in gossip.

Two women sharing a secret and laughing joyfully. One woman with brown hair holds her hand to her mouth in surprise, while the other woman with blonde hair leans in closely. They are sitting near a table with pink flowers in the foreground.

Have you heard the latest? A petty person will ensure you do if you are within their gossip circle.

They always have something negative to say about the target of their ire, usually behind their back.

But, on the other hand, they may smile at that person’s face and act like their friend to get the juicy details and laugh about them behind their back.

7. They display jealousy quite openly.

A woman with wavy blonde hair, wearing a white sleeveless top, sits on a couch holding glasses in her left hand. She gazes off to the right with a thoughtful expression. The blurry background features shelves and modern light fixtures, indicating a cozy interior space.

Petty people are often miserable people who are jealous of others. They can never be happy for themselves or other people. Instead, they look at what other people have—what they don’t have—and covet them.

They may also envy trivial matters and try to undermine and sabotage others so that they fail.

8. They use passive-aggressive tactics.

A man and woman sit at a table in a bright kitchen, enjoying coffee and pancakes. The man gestures with his hand while talking, and the woman holds a coffee cup, attentively listening. Both are casually dressed and appear engaged in conversation.

Passive-aggressive behavior includes snide comments, sarcasm, or silent treatment to express frustration or anger.

Instead of being an adult about their problems, they metaphorically hold their breath to make other people care about their issues.

This is easier to identify when they use passive-aggressiveness to dismiss others or amplify minor concerns.

9. They are vindictive.

A young woman with long brown hair, wearing a yellow shirt, sits on a grey couch. She holds a smartphone in one hand and looks at the screen with a confused and frustrated expression, her other hand raised in a questioning gesture. A painting is blurred in the background.

Vindictive people go out of their way to make things difficult for others. Most of the time, this vindictiveness doesn’t benefit them.

Petty people are the type who would want to deprive opportunities to others because they don’t have the same opportunities or won’t get their way.

They want other people to suffer because they are bitter. And they will usually view this as a positive trait or a victory.

10. They show a lack of empathy.

A woman sitting at a desk with a laptop closed in front of her, holding her head in frustration while a man standing points, and another man sits looking at documents. The office setting feels tense, with paperwork spread on the table.

Petty people struggle to understand how their actions and behaviors affect others. They may have a difficult time seeing things from other people’s perspectives.

Typically, they will engage in selfish, thoughtless behavior because they prioritize their interests and desires over those of others.

They often aren’t concerned with how their actions hurt other people.

11. They won’t apologize when they’ve wronged you.

A woman with long dark hair stands outdoors, wearing a white blouse and black pants. She has her arms partially extended with a questioning look on her face. Green plants and striped metal siding are in the background, while another person is partially visible.

It’s normal for people to have a bad day, make a bad decision, or accidentally treat others poorly. However, petty people exhibit multiple behaviors and they aren’t usually apologetic for their actions.

Or, if they are apologetic, they will blame their actions on you (e.g., “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have had to do Y”). Their apologies ring hollow because they’re just going through the motions; they’re not actually sorry.