How To Handle A Petty Person Who You Can't Avoid: 9 Effective Tips

How do you deal with a petty person?

A woman in a striped shirt is standing with a surprised expression and her hands near her chest, facing another person with long hair who has her hand raised as if gesturing or stopping her. They appear to be having an intense conversation at home.

Petty people can cause a lot of problems in your life. Understanding how to navigate these people will help you minimize the harm they can do to your life, reputation, or aspirations.

Remember, they often act indirectly and behind your back, so some preemptive measures are helpful.

With that in mind, how do you deal with petty people?

1. Keep your distance.

Two people are sitting at a table having a discussion. The woman, with curly hair pulled back, is listening attentively with her hands clasped. The man, wearing glasses and holding a pen, is speaking to her. Papers and a mug are on the table.

Avoid spending time around the petty person. The less time you spend around them, the less opportunity they have to learn your business or get in your way.

That may be going no-contact, distancing yourself emotionally, or just minimizing interactions with them.

Common advice is to go no-contact, but that isn’t always realistic. Sometimes you’re tied to someone for reasons outside of your control. For example, you can’t just go no-contact with your boss and expect that to work out for you.

2. Set healthy boundaries.

A young woman sitting on a couch with her arms crossed and looking away while an older woman beside her seems to be speaking and gesturing. The scene appears to be a serious conversation in a living room setting.

Boundaries are an important part of any healthy relationship. They become even more important when you’re trying to navigate difficult relationships with other people.

Setting boundaries with a petty person is more difficult than a healthy relationship. It’s likely best to identify your boundaries while defining how you intend to respond to a future violation.

Then keep that information to yourself and actively avoid telling the petty person what those boundaries are. The reason is that they are likely to take those boundaries, look for loopholes, argue them, or otherwise use them to gossip about you.

Frankly, they don’t need to know if they aren’t going to act in good faith, which they probably won’t. Figure out what you’re unwilling to tolerate, what you’ll do about it, and then stick to it.

3. Avoid getting defensive.

A man and a woman stand in a white kitchen. The man is holding a coffee cup, leaning against the counter, while the woman, wearing a striped dress, is slicing vegetables on a cutting board. Fresh produce and a bottle of wine are on the counter. A clock is on the wall.

A petty person will likely want to get under your skin to provoke a reaction.

Their strategy is often to nitpick at things until you finally lose your patience. That way, they can gasp and tell everyone how unreasonable you’re being for attacking them!

Instead, try to be calm and collected, and avoid getting defensive. The calmer you can stay, the less ammunition you’ll give them.

4. Don’t take it personally.

Two women sitting on a couch, engaged in a serious conversation. The woman with long brown hair looks upset, resting her head on her hand, while the woman with long blonde hair appears to be consoling or advising her. The room is bright and minimally decorated.

Their pettiness does not reflect on you as a person at all. They are acting this way because of some problem that they have. That often ties into insecurities that they haven‘t yet dealt with.

It becomes much easier to not take it personally if you can maintain that perspective and know they are acting badly because of their problems. It has nothing to do with you at all.

5. Practice empathy.

Two women sitting at a cafe table, engaged in conversation. One woman, wearing glasses and a grey blazer, holds a cup of coffee and a pastry. The other woman, in a beige sweater with a long braid, holds a glass of juice. They appear to be enjoying a casual chat.

Practicing empathy for a petty person giving you a hard time will be incredibly difficult. However, the best time to practice empathy is when experiencing a hard time with another person.

Notice the word “practice” in there. That’s because we need to practice empathy to be good at it.

Miserable people who act miserably are often people who need empathy the most. However, that does not mean you should accept bad behavior or not have boundaries!

Empathy does not mean you allow yourself to be a doormat or a victim! It’s just a good idea to consider what causes them to be rude and petty.

6. Don’t stoop to their level.

A woman with short blond hair, wearing a white sweater, is looking thoughtfully to her right. She is seen through a reflective glass, and another person with long blond hair, partially out of focus, is in the foreground facing away.

Firing back with as much pettiness as they throw at you will be tempting. Though you may feel justified in doing so, don’t do it. Any action you take against them will be twisted and used against you.

If you’re not petty, that’s not a battle you will win. They will constantly be working out how to get back at you, twist the narrative to their own ends, and make you look bad as a result of the behavior.

The best thing you can do is walk away from it.

7. Use humor.

Two men, dressed in vintage athletic attire, stand on a clay tennis court shaking hands and laughing. One wears a black and white jacket, the other in a red jacket. Both hold wooden tennis rackets. The background features a chair umpire stand and greenery.

Humor can be a good way to diffuse petty behavior or tense situations. It’s difficult to spin negativity when everyone is joking around and laughing.

However, you need to be careful with this.

Do not use mean-spirited or insulting humor. Don’t make the petty person the butt of your jokes. That’s passive-aggressive, which they will use against you later. For example, “See how mean X is to me?”

8. Focus on positive relationships.

Three friends are sitting on a couch, smiling and laughing. The person on the left wears a plaid shirt, the person in the middle, with short hair and hoop earrings, wears a yellow sweater, and the person on the right, with curly hair, wears a denim shirt.

Negative behavior often commands more attention than positive. Still, you want to shift your focus to the positive relationships in your life.

By focusing on positive things, you can help defuse the effects of a petty person’s behavior. It’s a common way to help cope with and overcome negative behavior.

9. Get support.

Two women in an office setting. One woman sits at a desk with a concerned expression, while the other woman, in a beige blazer, stands beside her, pointing at a document on the desk. The office has large windows with blinds.

If dealing with a petty person is particularly challenging, getting support from friends, family, or a therapist may be helpful.

A supportive network can help you stay positive and avoid getting bogged down by their negativity.

Do not use a network of friends or family to get back at this person. Other people will not view that well and will assume you’re being petty or just trying to make the situation worse.

Instead, lean on them as you would normally lean on a support network to get you through. Chances are pretty good that other people will clue into the other person’s petty behavior sooner or later.