12 things you don’t realize you’re doing because you have low self-esteem

These behaviors reveal the true state of your self-esteem.

A young woman with dark hair is looking up at the camera. She is outdoors, surrounded by greenery, and wearing a white tank top. The image captures her from the shoulders up, with a blurred background of leaves and grass.

Do you like who you are? That’s not always an easy question to answer. Sometimes, we may not feel as positively toward ourselves in the depths of our subconscious as we do on the surface. If your self-esteem is low without you realizing it, take a good look for these signs in your life.

1. You constantly seek external validation.

A pensive man in a blue polo shirt stands with his hands in his pockets, looking down. Beside him, a contemplative woman in a light denim shirt also looks down while resting her elbow on his shoulder, her other arm hanging loosely at her side. Both look serious.

Typically, people with low self-esteem cannot give themselves healthy internal validation. Instead of knowing that they are a good, capable person, they need someone else to tell them; to reassure them of that fact. Everyone wants to feel they are good and capable. People with low self-esteem can’t do it for themselves and often become dependent on others to tell them they are worthy.

2. You downplay your achievements.

A young woman with long hair and wearing a dark hoodie sits outdoors. She has earphones around her neck and is looking directly at the camera with a neutral expression. A blue sky and a concrete wall are in the background.

You may minimize or diminish your achievements. Rather than acknowledging your own hard work and capability, you may instead attribute your success to luck or external factors. Granted, every success does take a little bit of luck, and you may have had some help to get there too. However, you should be able to accept that your work and effort mattered.

3. You struggle to accept compliments.

A woman with long brown hair and a light complexion smiles softly while resting her head on her hand. She is wearing a white shirt and has a neutral background.

It may feel uncomfortable when someone compliments you. Instead of accepting the compliment, you may deflect or reject praise because you don’t feel as though you deserve it, or that what is being said about you is simply not true. You may be trying to make yourself more comfortable by avoiding praise. Sadly, rejecting compliments not only diminishes your own accomplishments but also discourages others from offering praise in the future.

4. You apologize excessively.

A man with curly hair and a beard stands against a gray background. He is wearing a gray hoodie and has his hands placed on his chest, projecting a thoughtful or apologetic expression. His gaze is directed towards the camera.

You may find yourself apologizing often. People with low self-esteem often apologize for others’ mistakes, when it’s unnecessary, or when external circumstances are responsible. This behavior stems from a fear of being a burden or making mistakes, because they are trying to avoid rejection. It can also inadvertently send the message that you’re always at fault, even when you’re not.

5. You avoid conflict.

An older woman with curly gray hair and a younger woman with long blonde hair are sitting closely together on a beige sofa. Both appear to be deep in thought or concerned. The room is bright, with sunlight streaming in through a window in the background.

Low self-esteem may cause you to compromise your own needs and opinions. You may avoid conflict because you fear disapproval or rejection if you disagree. But conflict is inevitable between people because everyone has different needs and opinions—it helps us establish what we need out of a relationship.

6. You are overly critical of yourself.

A man wearing sunglasses and a casual outfit stands outdoors with his hands behind his head, looking up. The sky is cloudy with a soft sunset glow in the background.

You are likely your own worst critic. You may focus on your mistakes, perceived inadequacies, or flaws, judging yourself more harshly than anyone else. The inner voice that is supposed to uplift or help you is instead harsh and unforgiving because you don’t like yourself all that much. This harsh self-criticism can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, holding you back from reaching your full potential.

7. You are a people-pleaser.

A woman with curly hair, wearing a white lacy top and yellow pants, smiles while sitting at a wooden desk. Another person, partially visible, stands with their back to the camera, engaging in conversation. The setting appears to be a modern office.

People with low self-esteem often put others’ needs ahead of their own. They may over-commit to responsibilities rather than saying “no” and consequently stretch themselves too thin. In doing so, they are trying to avoid rejection and gain acceptance. They feel that if they are of help to others, they are of value to them too. But this behavior often leads to burnout and a loss of personal identity.

8. You may have difficulty setting boundaries.

A man with a beard and short hair is gazing out of a window with a thoughtful expression. He is wearing a dark shirt, and the background shows a blurred indoor setting with natural light coming through the windows.

Setting boundaries can feel selfish or uncomfortable. Therefore, if you have low self-esteem, you may allow others to overstep your limits. That leaves you feeling drained and resentful. And once you are finally able to set them, you may have a difficult time enforcing them because it feels too hard. You might feel powerless after a while because you never stand up for yourself.

9. You second-guess your decisions.

A person with shoulder-length hair and a blonde streak stands on a beach, wearing a mustard yellow turtleneck sweater. The sea is in the background under a cloudy sky. The person gazes downwards, creating a calm and introspective mood.

People with low self-esteem often second-guess their decisions because they doubt themselves. They may need others’ opinions for validation or to make simple choices that anyone should be able to make. Second-guessing may also manifest as anxiety because they are worried about their mistake negatively affecting the outcome.

10. You regularly compare yourself to others.

A man with dreadlocks and glasses, dressed in a blue blazer, sits outdoors against a wall with a coffee cup in one hand, while looking intently at his phone in the other hand.

By frequently comparing yourself to others, you are focusing on what you don’t have which reinforces feelings of inadequacy. In truth, there are things that everyone would like to have, but people with healthy self-esteem don’t make themselves feel bad by dwelling on it. You, on the other hand, focus on their strengths while ignoring your own unique qualities and accomplishments.

11. You are afraid of failure.

A man with short curly hair and a beard sits on a couch, resting his elbow on his knee and his head in his hand. He is wearing a green t-shirt and appears to be deep in thought or stressed, with a worried expression on his face.

People who fear failure don’t take risks or try new things because they believe they won’t succeed. They avoid trying because they are afraid that their failure will confirm their self-doubt, making them feel worse about themselves. This fear of failure can become a self-imposed limitation, preventing personal growth and new experiences.

12. You neglect self-care.

A woman with light brown hair pulled back in a ponytail is looking directly at the camera with a neutral expression. She is wearing a light yellow shirt. The background is softly blurred, showing a bed and a lamp, suggesting an indoor setting.

You may neglect your physical and emotional needs because you don’t feel worthy. A person with low self-esteem may not believe that they deserve attention, kindness, or care from others or themselves. They don’t practice self-care as a means of punishing themselves for their perceived failings or deficiencies.