If someone uses these 13 phrases in conversation, they lack basic kindness and empathy

Someone who utters these words lacks empathy for others.

A woman and a man are standing and talking, both wearing denim jackets. The woman has braided hair and gestures with her palms up. The man has short hair, crossing his arms, and appears to be responding. They are on a neutral background.

Words have power, and some phrases can cut deeper than we realize. In our daily interactions, we might unknowingly use expressions that reveal a lack of empathy or basic kindness. Let’s explore 13 phrases that, when uttered, suggest a person might be struggling with compassion for others.

1. “I don’t care.”

A man in a navy blue jacket stands against a solid teal background, shrugging with both hands out and a neutral expression.

This phrase is the ultimate conversation killer, signaling complete disinterest in the other person’s thoughts, feelings, or problems. It can leave the recipient feeling small and unimportant, quickly eroding trust and creating emotional distance. It’s a clear sign that the speaker isn’t invested in the relationship or the topic at hand. “I don’t care” is not just dismissive; it’s downright hurtful.

2. “How is that my problem?”

A woman with curly hair and glasses is wearing a yellow long-sleeve shirt and denim overalls. She is standing against a white background, looking at the camera with a puzzled expression, and pointing at herself with both hands.

This response screams, “I’m not here for you!” It’s a verbal shrug that builds walls instead of bridges. When someone uses these words, they’re more interested in maintaining their own comfort than showing concern or understanding. This indifferent response can leave others feeling isolated and unsupported, especially if they were reaching out for help.

3. “Get a grip.”

Two women sit on a sofa in a living room. The woman on the right, with curly hair and wearing a pink shirt, gestures with her hands while looking concerned. The woman on the left, with straight hair and wearing a denim jacket, holds a cup with both hands and looks away.

Telling someone to “get a grip” invalidates their feelings and experiences. It implies that their emotions are excessive and unwarranted, which can be particularly harmful when someone is going through a tough time. Instead of offering care and compassion, “Get a grip” shuts down communication and can leave the recipient feeling misunderstood and alone.

4. “It’s not my fault.”

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair and a green striped blouse is sitting on a sofa with green and yellow cushions. She has an expression of surprise or confusion and is holding her hands out to the sides. There is a large window in the background.

While sometimes appropriate, this phrase is often a knee-jerk reaction to avoid responsibility. It shows a lack of empathy for how one’s actions impact others, and it prioritizes self-protection over resolution. This defensive stance can prevent meaningful dialogue and problem-solving. By instantly deflecting blame, we miss opportunities for growth and strengthening relationships.

5. “What’s the big deal?”

Two women sit on a light gray couch in a living room, engaged in a heated conversation. The woman on the left wears a striped shirt and has her hands raised, expressing frustration. The woman on the right, with long hair, faces her and also gestures while speaking.

This phrase minimizes the other person’s concerns and invalidates their feelings. By asking “What’s the big deal?” the speaker is essentially saying the issue isn’t important enough to warrant attention. This can be incredibly frustrating, especially when the topic is genuinely significant to the other person. It creates distance, rather than fostering empathy and connection.

6. “You should have seen that coming.”

A woman with long brown hair wears a dark shirt and sits on a couch in a living room. She looks directly at the camera with a slight smile and raised eyebrows, holding both index fingers up. A bookshelf and a potted plant are visible in the background.

Often used after someone has experienced a setback, this phrase serves no purpose other than to make the person feel worse about their decisions or actions. It’s a form of victim-blaming that offers no comfort or constructive advice. This can be particularly hurtful because it’s used when someone is already feeling vulnerable. Instead of offering support, it adds an extra layer of shame and self-doubt.

7. “You need to toughen up.”

A man and a woman are sitting on a couch engaged in a serious conversation. They are gesturing with their hands, indicating that they are having a disagreement or intense discussion. The background shows a window with a view of green foliage outside.

This phrase dismisses emotional experiences and suggests feelings are a sign of weakness. This outdated notion that being tough means not feeling or expressing emotions can lead people to suppress theirs, potentially causing long-term mental health issues. Instead of encouraging resilience, it often makes people feel ashamed of their feelings and less likely to seek help when needed.

8. “That’s life.”

A woman and man are engaged in a serious conversation in an office setting. The woman, on the left, is gesturing with her hands, while the man, on the right, is responding with a focused expression and hand gestures. Both are dressed in business attire.

While seemingly harmless, this platitude can be quite dismissive. It’s essentially telling someone to stop complaining and accept their misfortune. This phrase oversimplifies complex situations and ignores real pain or difficulty. While life can be challenging, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t empathize with others or try to improve difficult situations.

9. “Suck it up.”

A man sitting on a bed with a distressed expression, covering his ears with his hands. A woman, also sitting on the bed and facing him, is pointing and appears to be speaking or yelling at him. The setting is a room with blue walls and a window with blinds.

This harsh phrase shows a complete lack of empathy, suggesting that feelings or struggles are irrelevant and that you should just push through without complaint. This attitude can be incredibly damaging, especially in situations of genuine hardship. It promotes a toxic idea of strength that equates silent suffering with toughness. This phrase can discourage people from seeking help when they need it most.

10. “Stop playing the victim.”

Two women engage in an animated conversation outdoors. One woman, wearing a hat, gestures expressively. The other woman, in a red top, looks up with an exasperated expression, her cheeks puffed out and hands raised in a frustrated gesture.

This accusation is not only unhelpful but deeply hurtful and invalidating. It suggests that someone is exaggerating their struggles or manipulating others. This phrase dismisses real pain and can make people feel ashamed for expressing their feelings. It’s particularly problematic when used against those who have experienced genuine victimization or trauma. It can lead to self-doubt and make it harder for those people to process their experiences or seek help.

11. “You brought this on yourself.”

A woman with long brown hair in a gray sweater gesturing with both hands while speaking to a man with short dark hair in a light blue shirt. They are seated on a couch in a modern living room with a staircase in the background.

This judgmental statement places all the blame on the struggling person without considering the situation’s complexities. This phrase can be especially hurtful when someone is already feeling vulnerable or regretful. It overlooks the greater context and ignores that many outcomes result from numerous factors, often beyond our control. Someone who is already kicking themselves doesn’t need you to join in.

12. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

A young woman with long brown hair sits on a couch, looking away thoughtfully with her chin resting on her hand. An older woman with curly blonde hair and glasses sits behind her, appearing to speak to her with an expressive gesture.

This phrase stigmatizes real emotions and struggles, implying that feelings are unjustified or can be switched off at will. It can make people feel ashamed for experiencing sadness, grief, or disappointment, potentially leading them to suppress these feelings rather than process them in a healthy way. This attitude fails to recognize that acknowledging and working through emotions is often crucial for healing and moving forward.

13. “Don’t be such a crybaby.”

This condescending phrase shames people for expressing emotions, particularly sadness or hurt. This attitude can be incredibly damaging, promoting the harmful idea that showing emotions is infantile and not becoming of an adult. It can lead people to push their feelings down rather than communicate them. This phrase shows a clear lack of empathy and understanding of the importance of emotional expression in mental health and well-being.