12 behaviors that make you an exhausting person to deal with

Are you exhausting to be around?

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Interacting with others can be both exhilarating and exhausting in equal measure. How you feel after social or professional interactions partly depends on your personality type, of course, but if someone is particularly difficult to deal with, it can tire even the most energetic and outgoing of people. How can you tell if you are one of those people who exhausts others? Well, it’s largely down to the behaviors you exhibit. If you do any of the following things, it can make you a major energy drain on others.

1. You are constantly negative.

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Things can be bad without you needing to constantly complain about them. It’s worthwhile to bring up a complaint when something is wrong or someone is doing wrong. The issue is that you complain constantly about things that aren’t going to change. After a while, people just don’t want to hear it anymore.

2. You interrupt others regularly.

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Interrupting other people is a not-so-subtle way of telling them that you aren’t listening and lack respect for their thoughts. That makes conversations with you frustrating which makes people not want to talk to you. Good communication is less about talking and more about listening to actually hear the person.

3. You talk only about yourself.

Two women sit at a table with glasses of orange juice. The woman on the left rests her chin on her hand, looking bored. The woman on the right gestures excitedly with a big smile. They are in a bright outdoor setting with blurred greenery in the background.

There’s nothing wrong with talking about yourself and your interests in moderation. Everyone should feel comfortable enough to do that. However, a conversation where you are talking at others rather than with them is one-sided and unfulfilling. Ideally, conversation partners should show interest in one another.

4. You are overly critical.

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Nitpicking and excessive criticism make other people feel bad about themselves which then requires constant emotional management on their part. It may make them feel unappreciated or like they can’t do anything right. People don’t want to be made to feel bad about themselves. They will ultimately distance themselves, sooner or later.

5. You can’t take accountability.

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Everyone makes mistakes. Never owning up to a mistake tells other people you are either a liar or not self-aware. Either way, it drains the other person’s reserves. Instead of blaming others or the circumstances, taking responsibility for one’s mistakes encourages respect and trust. No one wants to sweep up the pieces of your mistakes.

6. You are inconsistent.

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Others will feel confused if you are unpredictable, change plans frequently, or send mixed signals. They can’t feel at ease mentally when they try to include you because they don’t know what you’ll actually do. People just stop inviting or asking you if you’re inconsistent because it’s not worth the energy.

7. You play the victim.

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Always portraying yourself as the victim is emotionally draining and exhausting. Furthermore, sooner or later, other people will figure out that you are not as much of a victim as you say you are. Once they do, they will withdraw and stop offering support.

8. You need constant validation.

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Seeking constant reassurance and validation is exhausting for all involved. It’s okay to feel unsure of yourself from time to time—everyone does. However, it’s when you fall into a pattern of always needing someone else to prop you up that it becomes a major problem. It’s an emotional drain that burns people out.

9. You are emotionally volatile.

A woman with shoulder-length blonde hair is standing against a light pink background. She is wearing a colorful striped sweater and a watch on her wrist. She looks angry, with her mouth open and fists raised.

Interactions feel intense when you can’t be sure of how the other person will respond. Overreactions and drastic mood swings can completely upset a social situation and damage relationships. Other people don’t tend to hang around long because it is so exhausting to be on guard against unpredictable behavior like that.

10. You are overly defensive.

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Not every piece of criticism is a personal attack. It can sometimes feel that way when you or something you are working on is criticized. Criticism happens. But if you put up walls and fight your corner every time someone says anything negative about you, it’s going to get draining for the other person. Everyone needs the ability to separate unfair criticism from constructive criticism and accept it with grace.

11. You are manipulative.

Two women sitting on a couch, engaged in a serious conversation. The woman with long brown hair looks upset, resting her head on her hand, while the woman with long blonde hair appears to be consoling or advising her. The room is bright and minimally decorated.

Guilt-tripping is a common way to manipulate that some people don’t realize they are doing. But manipulation leaves people feeling used which implies that you don’t actually care about them. Guilt-tripping exploits emotions and thus emotionally drains the target.

12. You ignore boundaries.

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Violating personal boundaries and wasting time demonstrates a lack of consideration for others. People are allowed to have boundaries. If they’re violated, those people will often pull away because they will assume that you don’t respect them enough to care about their needs. And, besides, having your boundaries ignored and crossed is an emotionally charged act that will leave those people exhausted.