12 Tactics Narcissists Use To Create Drama And Distract You When Fighting

Narcissists do these things to throw you off guard.

Two women having an animated conversation in an outdoor setting. The older woman, wearing a gray cardigan, gestures with her hands, while the younger woman in a pink hoodie appears surprised, with hands raised. Lush greenery is in the background.

Anyone who’s dealt with a narcissist knows that they don’t do well when confronted with anything they dislike. So when you raise a problem with them, they may use one or more of the following 12 tactics to cause drama, distracting you from the issue you’re trying to resolve.

1. Changing the subject to one that shocks you into a different direction.

A woman with a gray beanie and dark jacket sits at an outdoor café table, looking at a man across from her who has a black beard and is speaking expressively. The man is wearing a brown leather jacket, and the background is a blurred busy street.

If you’re having a fight with your narcissist and gaining ground, they may blurt something to shock and derail you. For example, they might say that they think they have cancer, or that you’ve gained a lot of weight recently, thus forcing you to acknowledge and deal with their redirection.

2. Projecting their poor behavior onto you.

A woman in a yellow shirt sits thoughtfully on a couch, resting her chin on her hand. A man in a blue sweater sits beside her, gesturing with open arms. They appear to be having a serious conversation in a bright living room.

A narcissist who’s called out on poor behavior will turn it around and amplify it. For example, if you ask them not to leave their dirty socks on the floor, they’ll say that they only did that because you leave your entire closet on the floor, making your home look like a crackhouse.

3. Triangulation: getting a third person involved in a dispute to keep you off balance.

A woman with long blonde hair in a gray shirt stands facing the camera, with two people on either side. One person with dark hair in a gray jacket is on the left, while another person in a plaid shirt stands with arms crossed in the background.

This often happens with one of their “flying monkeys”—a person they’ve charmed into being on their side and who will stand with them against you regarding whatever dispute is going on. As a result, your focus will shift toward the unfairness of the united front, and not the issue at hand.

4. Creating a false narrative.

A woman with blonde hair dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans is gesturing and appears to be expressing frustration or arguing with another person. The second person, who has curly hair and is wearing a striped shirt, has their back to the camera. They are in a kitchen.

They may intentionally misinterpret something you’ve said or done and create a completely different narrative to throw you off. For example, if you say that you didn’t like the way they spoke to you, they might come back with, “So you’re saying I’m abusing you like your father did”.

5. Faking a health issue or personal crisis

Two people sit closely on a couch, with one person, wearing a yellow and white striped shirt, looking down and appearing distressed. The other person, with long hair and a beige sweater, has an arm around their shoulder, offering comfort. A plant is visible in the background.

You’re likely to see this if you catch your narcissist in the act doing something awful, or if you cut them out of your life. All of a sudden, they’ll have a life-threatening illness or they’ll tell you that they’ve overdosed on pills because they can’t live without you, and need you to save them.

6. Guilt trips.

A woman with curly hair sits on a couch, holding a tissue to her face, looking distressed. A man sits beside her with a concerned expression. A box of tissues is on the table in front of them. A framed artwork hangs on the white wall behind them.

If your abuser doesn’t want you to do something, and you have no intention of canceling your plans, they’ll use guilt as a way of manipulating you. They might say that you’re taking them for granted “after everything they’ve done for you”, and imply that they won’t be around when you get back.

7. Starting drama in public.

A woman and a man are sitting at a cafe table with cups of coffee and a dessert. The woman looks concerned, resting her chin on her hand, while the man is talking and gesturing with his hands. The background features warm, hanging lights and wooden decor.

Narcissists often pick fights in public because they assume you’ll do whatever they want to stop them from making a scene. They might be loud or throw something to embarrass you, getting other people’s attention, so you’ll shrink and acquiesce to their wants. Then they’ll say, you “made them” do so.

8. “Vaguebooking”.

A young woman with two buns in her hair and wearing a red and white striped shirt is looking at her phone with a surprised expression. Her eyes are wide open, and her mouth is slightly agape. She is against a solid pink background.

Although this is normally used specifically for Facebook, it refers to any type of social media. Essentially, they’ll post something vague that likely applies to you but doesn’t mention you specifically, in order to provoke you into asking them for clarification… at which point they’ll ignore you for a while.

9. Ghosting.

A person wearing a white sheet with eye holes cut out stands in a forest, imitating a ghost. Their arms are outstretched, and the background features tall trees with a dirt path visible among the trees. The setting is dimly lit, creating a spooky atmosphere.

If a narcissist feels that they’re losing ground with controlling or manipulating you, they may ghost you. They have no intention of cutting you out of their life, but they want you to chase them and find out what’s going on, at which point they get to decide how much attention to give you.

10. Intimidation.

A man with dark hair is pointing his finger and angrily shouting at a woman with brown hair, who appears shocked and upset. They are in what looks like a kitchen or dining area, with a blurred oven in the background.

This one is used by narcissists who are either physically larger than their victim, or in a position of authority over them—like a parent. They might loom over you to make it seem like you may be harmed if you provoke them, or they’ll threaten you with punishment or potential homelessness.

11. Emotional overreaction.

Two women sit at a table with drinks in front of them; the woman on the left, in a gray sweater, looks pensive with her hand near her mouth, while the woman on the right, in a dark blazer, reacts with surprise or shock, her hand on her forehead.

If you’re arguing about something and proving that you’re actually in the right, they might break down weeping or explode into a violent anger outburst to throw you off guard. This is meant to make you change direction and soothe or pacify them, thus derailing the argument and avoiding their accountability.

12. Ridicule

Two women engage in a conversation against a plain blue background. One woman, wearing a red embroidered top, gestures with open hands. The other woman, in a white headband and a light purple shirt, responds with a pointing gesture and a smile.

A narcissist who’s called out for their reprehensible behavior will attempt to turn the tables to avoid negative repercussions. By ridiculing you, they take the attention off themselves, painting you as stupid, ridiculous, juvenile, or whatever other slanderous label will distract you from their actions and hopefully put you on vulnerable footing.