Men who give the bare minimum to their relationship display these 12 behaviors

These things signal a man who barely makes an effort in his relationship.

A man with a beard and sunglasses is looking to the side against a clear blue sky. He is wearing a light, buttoned shirt. The perspective is from below, giving a slightly upward angle.

There are men who put real effort and love into their relationships, and those who simply coast along doing the bare minimum. The 12 behaviors listed here are common in those who fall into the latter category.

1. They only surface when they want or need something.

A couple stands intimately close on a sunny day by a river, with city buildings and a bridge in the background. The woman, wearing a black leather jacket, gazes down while holding the man's chest. The man, in a black coat, leans in with a serious expression.

These are the guys who disappear into their man caves and garages to watch sports or work on their vehicles, and thus ignore their partner until they want or need something. As soon as they get their beverage, meal, or intimate moment, they disappear again until the next need arises.

2. They don’t pull their weight with household responsibilities.

A man with a beard is sitting on a blue couch playing video games with a controller, while a woman is ironing clothes behind him in a living room. The room is cluttered with laundry, a laundry basket, snacks, and drinks, and is decorated with wall art and a bookshelf.

Despite the fact that they live in a home with their partner, they don’t see it as part of their job description to help take care of it. Both partners might work full time, but their wife or girlfriend will carry the main load of housework, cooking, and child care.

3. They make empty promises.

A woman with a concerned expression looks right while a man with crossed arms sits on a bed in the background. Both appear to be in a bedroom setting, and the focus is on the woman's face, suggesting a tense or serious moment between them.

They’ll promise to go on dates or take care of things in the house that need fixing, but they have no real intention to do these things at all. In fact, these guys usually make promises to silence their partners by mollifying them in the moment so they’ll leave them alone.

4. They take care of their own needs, without offering anything to their partner.

A man with curly brown hair and a beard, wearing a white shirt, sits outdoors and sips from a white coffee cup. He looks directly into the camera, and the blurred background suggests a street or café setting.

It’s more than likely that they’ll buy dinner for themselves en route home from work without asking their partner if she’d like anything as well. Similarly, they’ll make themselves cups of tea or coffee, or buy much-needed seasonal items, but will never offer to do so for their wives or partners.

5. They consistently let their partner do the chores they don’t want to take care of.

A man with a beard sits at a kitchen table holding a fork and spoon, looking up in anticipation, with an empty plate in front of him. In the background, a woman with long hair, wearing a white shirt and jeans, is busy at the kitchen counter.

They cook for themselves but leave the dishes for their partner to wash. Similarly, they might inform their partner that there’s cat vomit on the floor, as they step over it and walk away. Whenever there’s a task they don’t want to do, they’ll leave it for “someone else” to take care of. Alternatively, they’ll do a terrible job of it and use weaponized incompetence to get out of doing it again.

6. They use extreme emotion as a means of avoiding responsibility.

A woman in a yellow cardigan sits on a couch, looking away with a hand on her chin, appearing frustrated. A man in a brown hoodie sits next to her, gesturing with clenched fists and an angry expression, amidst a dispute in a bright room with plants.

Guys like this will often get very angry or cry so they don’t have to be held accountable for poor actions. Traditionally, this was seen as childish behavior: showing emotional instability as a means of avoiding responsibility and abdicating accountability. Essentially, they’re throwing a tantrum to avoid work or confrontation.

7. They make plans without asking/consulting the other person.

A woman with light brown hair, wearing a denim jacket over a striped shirt, stands with her arms crossed and a serious expression in a kitchen. In the background, a man in a blue shirt leans against the kitchen counter, partially blurred.

Since they don’t see their partners as equals, they don’t see the point of consulting them before making plans. Instead, they assume they’ll be perfectly happy to follow along with whatever they’ve decided. If they don’t, or get upset that they weren’t asked, then they’re “just being difficult”.

8. In company, they’ll act as if their partner isn’t even there.

A young woman with long brown hair leans against a brick wall, looking pensively into the distance. In the background, a group of four people is engaged in conversation, with their faces blurred and the focus on the woman in the foreground.

Men who only give the bare minimum to their relationship don’t invest much energy into their partners at all. As a result, although they’ll take their partners to social events, they won’t bother to introduce them to anyone and will talk over them to others as if they aren’t even there.

9. They go quiet or ghost their partner until they want attention.

A woman with long brown hair and wearing a white crop top looks at her phone with a concerned expression while standing on a city street. She is holding a handbag with her left hand and touching her hair with her right hand.

If they don’t live with their partners, they’ll often disappear until they want their partner’s time and attention. Then, they expect said partner to make herself available, and will get petulant or even jealous if she doesn’t, as though she has no life outside of his needs and demands.

10. They use disrespectful or crude language toward their partner.

A woman with long dark hair looks away with a frustrated expression, resting her chin on her hand. A man with curly hair, wearing a striped shirt and denim jacket, gestures passionately while talking to her. They are outdoors with blurred greenery in the background.

Men who put the bare minimum into their relationship often feel contempt for their partners, and express that contempt by being disrespectful and crude toward them. Instead of having the courtesy to end a partnership that they’re not invested in, they go the rude and abrasive route instead.

11. They show annoyance if they’re “put upon” to do anything.

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a white shirt, is standing in a kitchen with her hands raised in an expressive manner, speaking to a man with short hair in a plaid shirt. They appear to be in a serious conversation. The background shows a table and chairs.

They like to be the only ones who get to make demands in the relationship. If their partner needs their help with anything—like picking her up from a medical appointment—then they’ll complain about how demanding she is, or they’re suddenly too busy and can’t make it.

12. They’ll put a ton of energy into their own pursuits, but barely any into their relationship.

A golfer wearing a white cap, blue polo shirt, and white pants is swinging a golf club in a green, well-maintained golf course. Sand is flying up from the sand trap, suggesting he is hitting the ball out of a bunker. Trees are visible in the background.

He’ll be too tired to go out for dinner with his lady on Friday night, but will suddenly be full of energy if his buddies invite him out for an impromptu sports event. Similarly, he’ll have all the time in the world for his own interests, but treat her as an afterthought.