If you don't change these 16 things soon, you will never have a better life

These 16 little changes make a huge difference.

A bearded man gazes thoughtfully into the distance, standing near the ocean. He wears a jacket with a furry collar. The background shows a blurred seascape under a clear sky.

Have you ever met a person who was completely happy with their life? You may have come across one or two who claimed to be, but most wish that they could change a number of different aspects and circumstances.

Just about everyone you meet will want to experience something different and better than what they’re dealing with right now.

So what does it mean to change your life for the better?

Does it require completely overhauling every aspect of your being, or just changing out the throw cushions? Will the person in question need to quit their job and go live in a yurt in Nepal? Or dive into a religious cult full throttle?

Okay, some might really want to do all of those things. But for most people, changing life for the better simply means changing some small, but important things like these.

1. Habits that do not serve you.

A woman in a yellow sweater sits on a couch, looking intently at her smartphone. She rests her chin on her hand. In the background, there are potted plants and a shelf. The room is softly lit with natural light.

Take stock of what you do over your days. Consider keeping notes for a couple of weeks and jot down everything you do, and how long it takes you to do them.

For example, what’s the first thing that you do upon waking? Do you get up, brush your teeth, and put the kettle on? Or do you check your phone? How much time do you spend reading or being creative? Similarly, how much time do you spend scrolling through social media and arguing in comments sections?

What might seem like “just a couple of minutes” here and there can add up to several hours a day. How much time would you have available to spend on endeavors you truly enjoy if you cut back on activities you spend time on by compulsive habit?

These habits developed over time, and can be broken with persistent conscious effort. It’ll take time to break them, of course – potentially months if the habit is deeply ingrained in your subconscious.

But when you do finally break the habits that aren’t serving you, you’ll discover that you have a lot more time to devote to healthier, more creative, and beneficial endeavors instead.

2. Doing things you hate.

A man in a suit sits on the ground, leaning against a wall, looking upwards in an urban setting. The background is blurred, suggesting a modern building exterior.

This applies to jobs you despise as well as instructions that don’t sit right with your soul.

We do ourselves an immense disservice when we force ourselves to do things we hate. There’s usually a soul-deep pushback when and if we’re forced into an action we despise.

Furthermore, we end up disliking and resenting the person whom we feel has forced us to do it. So what happens when the person we despise is the one we see in the mirror?

There are always alternatives to doing things that we can’t stand. Sure, changing them may take a lot of effort and may have unpleasant temporary repercussions, but isn’t continued effort in the wrong direction far worse than that?

If you hate your job, start looking for another one right now. Have you stopped believing in a faith that you’ve been paying lip service for someone else’s sake? Stop doing that.

Do you take part in any actions that cause you shame? Ask yourself why you’ve been doing that, and if it’s worth the darkness you have to deal with as a result.

Then do the work needed to make real change happen.

3. Your behavioral patterns.

Two women sit on a couch, smiling and holding mugs. One is wearing a pink cardigan over a white top, and the other is in a blue sweater. They appear to be enjoying a pleasant conversation in a bright room with white curtains and a cushion beside them.

It’s inevitable that we are influenced by those around us. This influence may occur via the people in our immediate social circles, or by the media that we consume.

We may adopt phrases, vocal intonations, and even physical behaviors simply because we’re exposed to them on a regular basis.

Some examples of this include how people who watched FRIENDS back in the 90s suddenly adopted main characters’ speech cadence and mannerisms. Another common comparison is how many women today speak with the “vocal fry” associated with the Kardashians and other female celebrities.

Take stock of your own behavioral patterns to determine whether they give others a sense of who you really are. Record yourself when you’re speaking to someone and then listen to it later. If you’re out with friends, position yourself in front of a mirrored surface and watch your gestures. Do these words and actions reflect your true self? Or are you masking and mirroring to fit in with others around you?

Furthermore, will these actions be a blessing or a bane in your social and professional life. An intentionally whiny or nasal way of speaking might be endearing in an actress, but considered unprofessional or juvenile in a doctor or lawyer.

4. How you think and feel about past events.

A man with a beard and short hair stands outdoors among tall trees, wearing a green jacket with a fleece-lined hood and a black sweater. The background is softly blurred, showing a path and more trees, with a person in the distance.

Do you find yourself still feeling regret about something that happened years ago? Or perhaps you’ve experienced hurts and betrayals that come to mind on a daily basis?

These intrusive thoughts and emotions can hinder us in a number of different ways. For instance, past betrayals may cause trust issues with a current relationship, even if your new partner is nothing like the one who hurt you. Similarly, hurt or shame from a past failed venture might make you hesitant to start new endeavors in case you fail at them.

Set aside some time to analyze the things that may still be haunting you. Use a journal to write down everything you think and feel. You may benefit from booking some time with a counselor. They’ll be able to help you break through some of the past hurts that are causing issues in your present.

5. Angry feelings you have towards others.

A woman with curly hair wearing a red top is screaming while clenching her fists and showing an angry facial expression against a black background.

Many people hold onto anger and bitterness over things they have experienced, and negative situations they have suffered. They might constantly turn their minds back to these difficulties, revisiting their sufferings, hating and blaming those who have caused them to suffer.

This is akin to poking and prodding at an old injury every time it starts to heal over. The arrow will have been out of the wound for years, so to speak, but they’re crying about the memory of the pain – not the pain itself. And hating those who have caused them to experience that kind of suffering.

When we forgive people who have done us wrong, we benefit far more than they ever will.

Anger and hatred bind these people to us with invisible strings, tethering us together for longer than we ever need to be. When we forgive them, we cut those cords. This isn’t revenge, but is rather telling them (even on a subconscious level) that they’re not worth remembering.

When those cords are cut, we take full responsibility for our own wellness and happiness. They’re not in other people’s hands to dole out to us as they see fit. Instead, our power is our own. They won’t be thought of again except in passing, and will affect us less and less over time.

6. How you talk to yourself.

A person in a mustard-colored shirt sits at a desk, resting their face on their hands, looking thoughtfully at a computer monitor. Sunlight and plants are in the background, creating a tranquil office environment.

Take stock of what you say to yourself over the course of a day. Are you encouraging and loving? Or harsh and insulting?

Then ask yourself how you would react if someone said those things to someone you love dearly, like your best friend or your child. Would you stand up for that person and defend them? Or join in on the insult session?

You deserve just as much love, compassion, empathy, and acceptance as you offer toward other people you care about. We tend to be very harsh and insulting toward ourselves, especially if we’ve been raised with criticism.

7. The clutter around you.

A woman sits on a carpeted floor, surrounded by piles of clothes in a living room. She looks contemplatively into the distance. The couch behind her is also covered with clothes, and there are plants and a striped hat in the background.

Take a look around every room in your home and ask yourself how you feel about each of the items you see around you.

Is it needed? Is it necessary? Is it loved?

Famous designer William Morris gave the instruction to: “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.”

So, what are you holding onto that doesn’t fall into either of those categories?

Grab some heavy-duty garbage bags and go on a cleaning spree. Clean out your closets, junk drawers, and regular drawers. Throw out or donate everything that’s just taking up space instead of being treasured and used on a regular basis.

Are you holding onto clothes you don’t like anymore? Ask yourself why before letting them go. Do you have miscellaneous items cluttering up surfaces around you? Clean it all away and then check in with yourself to see how you feel afterwards. You’ll likely be amazed to discover how much lighter your heart feels after you’ve gotten rid of whatever no longer nurtures you.

8. Your tolerance of discomfort.

A man with a beard stands against a wooden wall, wearing a blue shirt. He has his eyes closed and his hand on his forehead, appearing stressed or frustrated.

Have you ever worked with someone who complains all the time that they’re too hot or too cold? Or perhaps your child has driven you to madness by asking every few minutes when their next meal or snack was ready?

These are people who haven’t learned how to set aside immediate gratification, and be comfortable with temporary discomfort.

We can acknowledge that we’re not in ideal circumstances without experiencing a pressing need to fix that situation immediately. This type of stoicism may take some time to develop, but is important for self-discipline and inner growth.

Being able to endure discomfort is a huge positive character trait that will help you countless times over the course of your life.

For example, the ability to endure discomfort may be of great help with many of the other tips on this list. The idea of temporary inconvenience and/or lack of stability of a new job or home might keep some people from taking steps to make those changes. If, however, they know they can handle whatever comes, then they’re already ahead of the game in changing their life for the better.

9. Words and phrases you use regularly.

A young man holding a coffee cup talks to an older man seated at a table in a bright kitchen. The young man has an animated expression, while the older man listens intently. There are kitchen utensils and plants in the background.

In 1928, a spiritualist by the name of Florence Scovel Shinn wrote a book entitled Your Word is Your Wand. In it, she discussed how the subconscious is the “sleepless eye” and is always keeping watch. As such, it pays very close attention to everything you say.

If you’re constantly saying things like “I feel like crap” or “I’m exhausted all the time,” then your subconscious will strive to make that a reality.

Instead of saying something like “I’m so out of shape,” consider switching that around to a more positive affirmation such as “I am getting healthier and stronger every day.”

Similarly, if you often lament about obligations, try to turn those into opportunities instead. “Ugh, I have to get up early for work tomorrow” becomes “I get to watch the sunrise tomorrow morning.”

Watch how your energy changes exponentially with just a few tweaks in perspective and expression.

10. Doing things out of obligation.

A woman wearing a knitted hat and sweater looks frustrated while knitting. She holds yellow yarn that's tangled around her finger. A wicker basket filled with colorful yarn sits on the table in front of her.

How many activities do you take part in out of a sense of obligation, rather than sincere joy? Do you go through the motions with various endeavors instead of putting real effort into them?

Ask yourself why you do this to determine what needs changing.

For instance, some people who deal with depression lose interest in things that they once used to love. Did you used to spend hours doing a particular craft or art form but now you have no real enthusiasm for it?

Are you just “phoning it in” and doing it because something needs to be finished, but deep down you can’t be bothered?

Then stop doing it.

You don’t have to finish making that birdhouse or quilt if you’re hating every minute of the project.

Determine why you lost your passion for this, then figure out what you need to change: do you have to alter the circumstances that made you feel despondent? Or have you always hated this activity and just took part in it to make someone else happy?

What would you rather be doing instead? Do that.

11. Relationships that you have outgrown.

A woman in a yellow shirt sits thoughtfully on a couch, resting her chin on her hand. A man in a blue sweater sits beside her, gesturing with open arms. They appear to be having a serious conversation in a bright living room.

Very few of us are still in the same romantic relationships that we began in our early teens. At our current age, we may not find the same traits attractive in a potential partner that we appreciated when we were 14.

Similarly, we might have gotten along with that person fabulously in high school, but we undergo dramatic changes as we mature.

We aren’t the same people we were a decade ago, and that goes for everyone.

While most people would find it ludicrous to remain romantically involved with someone they had outgrown emotionally, we seem to be encouraged to hold onto friendships indefinitely.

Some people still have friends with whom they attended kindergarten or middle school, while almost everyone still keeps in touch with at least one high school buddy. Even if they no longer have anything in common with these people (or actively dislike them), there’s a sense of obligation to keep in touch.

Take a good look at the various relationships you have, and whether you feel that it’s beneficial to both you and the other person to continue pouring energy into them. If it isn’t, then there is no harm or shame in withdrawing your time and energy and turning them elsewhere.

12. Your diet.

A woman with short blond hair is sitting on a sofa, wearing a purple long-sleeve shirt and blue jeans. She looks unwell, resting her head on her hand and holding her stomach, with a plant visible in the background.

Many different health issues – both physical and mental – can be greatly influenced by diet.

For example, a person who’s been battling severe fatigue for ages might discover that they have a potassium deficiency. Similarly, someone who’s constantly ill or feeling run down might have some unknown food allergies that are causing inflammation.

If you’re having difficulty determining which foods are best for your individual needs, consider making an appointment with a nutritionist. They can run some tests to figure out which nutrients you’re lacking, and work with you to develop a meal plan that best suits your needs and preferences.

While you’re at it, make sure to drink plenty of water. Some people are chronically dehydrated, which does terrible things to our health. Aim for 8 to 10 glasses of water daily, plus plenty of fruits and vegetables.

13. Eating food you don’t like (and not eating food you love).

A woman with long hair sits at a table, smiling as she enjoys a dessert on a plate. A glass of beverage is nearby, along with a small vase holding white flowers. Sunlight streams in, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere.

On the flip side, do you force yourself to choke down food and drink that you can’t stand? Have you tried to convince yourself to like a recipe because it’s either “good for you,” or you think you should like it?

Life is much too short to torture our taste buds.

This doesn’t mean that you should throw all caution to the wind and live on milkshakes and canned ravioli. As mentioned earlier, eating good, nourishing food is one of the cornerstones of a healthy lifestyle.

That said, you don’t have to torment yourself by eating steamed kale and raw zucchini noodles if you absolutely despise them.

If you’re trying to incorporate more vegetables and other plant-based foods into your diet, experiment with some gorgeous new recipes. Get yourself a few cookbooks, or scour Pinterest for recipes from around the world.

Additionally, don’t feel that you need to completely deny yourself items that you’d consider “bad” or “cheat” foods. So many of us have developed an unhealthy relationship with food because of societal expectations. Reveling in the glory of a gorgeous chocolate truffle or a small cup of ice cream now and then is just fine.

14. Where you live.

A woman in a striped shirt sits on a bench, holding a phone and looking thoughtful. The background shows a blurry cityscape with colorful lights at night, visible through a transparent barrier.

How often do you complain about the weather where you live? What about your immediate living circumstances? What is it you love and hate about where you are?

Make a love/hate list by splitting a piece of paper down the middle. Write everything you adore about your country, state, city, neighborhood, and dwelling on one side. On the other, write down everything you despise.

Then consider whether you want to stay in that location or not. After all, you’re not a tree – you don’t have to dig up deep roots in order to change where you are.

If you hate where you are but have to stay local because of family obligations, then try to offset the current hatred with some brightness. Book regular trips elsewhere for changes of scenery, if you can. Change your interior decor, and play music from other countries to liven up the atmosphere.

15. How much rest you are getting.

A woman rests her head on a closed laptop, looking at the camera. She is sitting at a glass desk with a notebook and glasses beside her. She appears contemplative or tired, wearing a light gray shirt.

Most of us are chronically sleep-deprived. We’ve been taught to place a great deal of merit on working ourselves into an early grave. How many times have you heard your colleagues brag about how they only slept for a couple of hours before dragging themselves to work, caffeinated and stumbling?

Break this mindset by allowing yourself to get the rest you need.

Choose a bedtime that makes sense to you and make a habit of adhering to that. Turn off your electronic devices an hour beforehand and use that time to “wind down.” If you like to listen to music, play something gentle and classical to help you relax. Alternatively, you can use this time to write some notes in your gratitude journal, or take a long bath. Whatever relaxes you.

Additionally, learn that it’s okay to nap if and when you need to. We need to sleep in order for our bodies to heal and replenish themselves. Lack of sleep leads to slowed thinking, poor motor control, and emotional impairment. There is absolutely no shame in lying down for an afternoon nap if that’s what your body tells you that it needs.

16. Living out of sync with your life’s purpose.

A woman with curly hair gazes thoughtfully to the side, leaning against a textured stone wall. She appears calm and contemplative, wearing a light-colored top. The background is softly blurred.

You may have already taken this into consideration, but living in harmony with your life purpose is one of the best ways to be happy and fulfilled.

When people live without purpose, they can often feel like they’re dragging their feet through existence. Everything they do feels worthless because it seems as though they’re just wasting time, rather than doing anything meaningful. They may spend several hours a day doing work they don’t care about, only to spend the rest of their time feeling depressed.

That’s no way to live a life.

If you haven’t yet determined what your life purpose may be, please take some time to determine it. You may discover that choices you’ve made over the course of your life so far have all been steps toward a greater purpose. Then it’s just a matter of making a few more changes in order to live in full alignment with what your soul truly wants to be doing.