People who are happy on the surface but broken underneath display these 12 behaviors

These signs may point to someone who is masking their inner hurt.

A woman with short brown hair gazes to the side, standing outdoors. She is wearing a light green shirt over a white top. There are vibrant pink flowers and lush greenery in the blurred background.

Putting a brave face on a dire situation is sometimes the way to go. But always maintaining a façade of positivity even when you’re crying on the inside won’t do anyone any good. If you suspect someone is torn apart underneath their joyful appearance, you’ll likely notice some of the following signs.

1. They are constantly smiling and laughing.

A woman with long brown hair wearing a light blue and white striped shirt is smiling at the camera. She is standing outdoors with blurred greenery in the background. The lighting is bright, highlighting her cheerful expression.

People who are only surface-level happy may put on a cheerful demeanor even when they’re suffering. They use smiles and humor as a way to deflect attention from whatever pain they’re carrying. People have both good and bad days. A person who only ever seems to have good days may be hiding something ugly.

2. They avoid deep conversations.

Two women are outdoors, interacting and smiling. One holds a tablet while the other gestures with her hand. Both have light hair, and the background shows buildings and faint sunlight. They appear to be having a pleasant conversation.

Conversations tend to be superficial with individuals who are masking their hurt because they’re afraid of getting too deep. If the conversation comes to a deeper topic, they may have to express how they actually feel. People who are hiding intense pains sidestep deep conversations to avoid feeling vulnerable.

3. They stay constantly busy or overwork.

A man with sunglasses and a beard walks on a busy urban street holding a tablet in one hand and eating a doughnut with the other. Cars and people moving in the background under a clear sky with sunlight shining.

They just don’t stop. They have no free time because they are constantly packing their schedule with work or activities. Many people can’t recognize this as the avoidant behavior that it is. These people manage not to think about their pain by overloading themselves with responsibilities and activities.

4. They are the “helper” or caregiver.

A woman in a denim shirt holds her forehead in distress while another woman in a red blouse stands beside her, offering comfort with a hand on her shoulder. They are in a bright room with natural light coming through a window in the background.

There’s nothing wrong with helping others in a healthy context. However, a person who is hiding their true pain may neglect their own needs to be there for loved ones, offer emotional support, or step into a helping role. This is another avoidant behavior because it offers a distraction from their own feelings.

5. They may isolate themselves.

A man with a beard and short hair stands pensively by a large window with greenery visible outside. He is wearing a denim jacket over a white shirt and jeans, with his arms crossed and eyes looking down. The interior is bright with natural light from the window.

Some people can fake their way through social situations to get to the next time when they can withdraw and isolate. Isolation is an escape because they don’t have to confront what they’re feeling or risk sharing deeper emotions with anyone.

6. They minimize their own problems.

Two women, both with long dark hair, sit at an outdoor café. They are facing each other and smiling. Both are wearing light-colored tops and sunglasses on their heads. A partially filled glass with a red drink is on the table in front of them.

Many minimize or dismiss their own struggles with the claim that they are “fine”. They may believe that their problems aren’t as significant compared to others, so they avoid seeking help. By not seeking help, they won’t have to confront and deal with those difficult feelings.

7. They deflect with humor.

A group of five friends is sitting around a table at an outdoor cafe. They are smiling and laughing while enjoying coffee and snacks. The atmosphere appears warm and convivial, with people interacting cheerfully.

Humor is a convenient defense mechanism because it keeps other people from looking too closely. Sarcasm and jokes can mask deep emotional pain. Making jokes, including self-deprecating ones, about serious issues allows the person to dodge confronting and dealing with them.

8. They are people-pleasers.

A young woman with long, light brown hair and glasses is smiling while looking at the camera. She is wearing a light green button-up shirt. The background is slightly out of focus, showing shelves filled with books and various objects.

People-pleasing is a convenient way to appear happy and avoid conflict. They focus on making others happy at the cost of their own needs and emotional well-being. By focusing on others’ happiness, they can deflect from the difficult questions that might arise should they voice a conflicting view or wish. If they don’t rock the boat, no one will come sniffing.

9. They demonstrate toxic positivity.

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair is smiling broadly and giving two thumbs up. She is wearing a white tank top and standing against a bright yellow background.

A person who is hiding their true hurt may display an overwhelming amount of optimism and positivity. They deny negative emotions and insist everything is fine, even when it’s clearly not. Not every situation has a silver lining, but they always try to find one. This is what is known as “toxic positivity”.

10. They must appear perfect.

A woman with wavy blonde hair, wearing a light purple suit and white sunglasses, descends an outdoor staircase while talking on her phone. She carries several colorful shopping bags in her other hand. The background is a brick building.

A highly manicured, perfect image may be a way to compensate for internal struggles. Their unrealistic expectations for themselves are a way for them to gain validation or control over their emotions. It’s something else to focus on instead of the painful emotions they are hiding inside.

11. They may engage in escapism.

A person wearing a headset and a hoodie sits at a gaming setup with neon lighting. They are enthusiastically looking at a computer screen, one hand adjusting the headset and the other likely on the mouse. The ambiance is energetic with vibrant lighting.

Escapism is an unhealthy coping mechanism with many faces. Some of the more traditional escapist activities are promiscuity, drugs, and alcohol. However, escapism also includes things like overindulging in food, binge-watching shows, or getting lost in video games.

12. They may display exaggerated independence.

A woman with glasses and short brown hair is smiling and holding a smartphone. She is wearing a white blouse and a black skirt, standing outdoors with a modern building in the background, as well as a slightly blurred person in the distance.

They avoid asking for any help or showing vulnerability to an extreme degree. By handling everything alone, they are trying to prevent feelings of judgment or weakness. Furthermore, exaggerated independence keeps other people away so they can’t form deep connections where difficult feelings may emerge.