People with low self-esteem have usually had these 12 life experiences

What causes low self-esteem?

A woman with long dark hair looks intently at a broken mirror, with sharp reflections creating fragmented images of her face. Her expression appears thoughtful and contemplative.

Self-esteem refers to your overall evaluation and perception of yourself. It refers to how you perceive your own capabilities, worth, and value as a person.

Healthy self-confidence means you view yourself as capable and worthy which causes you to take bigger steps toward your goals. Unhealthy self-esteem limits personal growth because you may not feel worthy of feeling better or doing better. As a result, it often leads to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression.

Low self-esteem is typically caused by a combination of internal and external factors. These factors interact with one another to affect the way you perceive both the world and yourself. Here are 12 common experiences that contribute to people developing low self-esteem.

1. Harmful Childhood Experiences

A man angrily points his finger at a young girl who is sitting on the floor against a wall, covering her ears with her hands. The man is squatting in front of her. They are in a room with wooden flooring and a large window in the background.

Childhood experiences play a significant role in developing different aspects of personality. The way you experienced childhood may affect your relationships, perspective of the world, your self-esteem and self-worth.

After all, if the adults in your childhood were not kind to you or you lived in a neglectful environment, you may find that their poor actions define what you perceive about yourself, whether true or not.

The critical voices that were unkind to you as a child may become part of your internal narrative about yourself. It’s not your internal voice, it’s theirs.

2. Too Much Social Comparison

Two women sitting at a table in an outdoor cafe. One woman, with her hands on her face, looks bored or annoyed while the other, in a white shirt, is focused on her smartphone. They are in front of a red wall with a window and a closed door.

Comparing yourself to other people is a surefire way to make you feel worse about yourself. The truth is that everyone is on different levels of their life. Within those levels, some people are doing better than others.

So yes, you can look at other people and find others that are more attractive, wealthier, healthier, or whatever thing than you; but that’s true for everyone. Absolutely no one is perfect. No one’s exceptional at everything.

It doesn’t make you less of a person even if it can make you feel inadequate.

3. Social Rejection

A man with short, styled hair and a trimmed beard looks down with a neutral expression. He is wearing a light blue t-shirt and standing outside, with a blurred background featuring a building and a fence.

People are social animals. Being deprived of the ability to socialize, make friends, and develop relationships can make you feel like you are worth less than others.

You may find yourself asking, “Why not me? Why can’t I have friends? Why can’t I find a romantic partner? Is there something wrong with me? There must be something wrong with me.”

Social rejection, isolation, and exclusion can contribute to low self-esteem. A lack of positive social support may cause you to feel unworthy. Long-term bullying and teasing may also play a role.

4. Unhealthy Relationships

A man wearing a pink t-shirt is angrily arguing with a woman who appears distressed. The woman, wearing a plaid-patterned outfit, has her eyes closed and is holding her forehead with one hand, sitting on a sofa in a tense environment.

The relationships we have can help or harm us. A healthy relationship with both partners working lovingly with one another can uplift them both.

However, an unhealthy relationship may cause you to question your value and self-worth, particularly if it’s later on in the relationship with someone who claims to love you. This person who claims to love you may start pointing out your flaws, asking why you can’t do things right, and generally being unkind.

A person with low self-esteem may look at those criticisms and think they are valid because they are coming from someone who claims to love them.

5. Trauma

A young woman with natural curly hair sits pensively with her arms wrapped around her knees in a rustic room filled with shelves, bottles, and wooden furniture. She wears a denim outfit and looks thoughtfully into the distance.

Trauma affects people differently. Accidents, significant losses, and physical and emotional abuse may all affect the way you feel about yourself.

Trauma survivors may find they have lower self-worth, questioning how they handled the situation and why they did things that they did. They may also find that their sense of security is upended because they may not feel like they can handle these problems that come along.

6. Perfectionism

A man in a suit sits on the ground, leaning against a wall, looking upwards in an urban setting. The background is blurred, suggesting a modern building exterior.

Setting unrealistically high standards for yourself is a sure way to erode your self-esteem. Unrealistic standards doom you to never having the ability to live up to and meet your goals. You set yourself up for failure from the start.

It doesn’t matter what you do, how you do it, or how much time you invest in something—someone somewhere is doing something better. And that’s okay!

Accepting that fact means you don’t need to waste your time wrestling with negative thoughts about how you aren’t smart, capable, or worthy enough to meet your goal.

7. Mental or Physical Health Conditions

A man with a beard and closed eyes holds his head in his hands, appearing stressed or in pain. He is wearing a blue shirt and is positioned in front of a neutral background.

Poor health can take a toll, whether it’s mental or physical illness.

Mental illness brings with it numerous difficulties about the way you perceive yourself and the world. Not only does it distort your perceptions as a byproduct of the mental illness, but it also affects your ability to act.

Are you going to feel good about yourself if you can’t support yourself, maintain a job, or even shower on some days? Probably not.

Physical illness is similar. You may be healthy and independent one day, then you develop a chronic illness where you can’t do those things anymore.

8. Too Much Media Influence

Two women are sitting at a table in a cozy café, both focused on their smartphones. One is showing something on her phone to the other, who is smiling. A cup of coffee is on the table in front of them, creating a casual, relaxed atmosphere.

There are few things worse for your self-esteem than media and social influences. The media and advertising industries thrive on making you feel like you are ‘less than’ to encourage you to buy their products.

Makeup? You’re not pretty enough. Expensive car? Don’t you want to impress your friends? An engagement ring that you should spend two months’ salary on? Surely the lady needs to have something she can show off.

The central theme is that you’re not good enough, you’re not worthy enough, and if you want to be good and worthy enough, buy what we’re selling.

9. Not Fitting The Typical Social Mold

A woman with long, blonde hair and dressed in a brown dress over a black top stands pensively against a brick wall. She gazes off to the side with a thoughtful expression. The background features another brick building and greenery.

Social influences address society at large. You may find that your self-esteem diminishes when you don’t fit the typical social mold. Culture and racism can play a big part in it. They may make you feel as though you aren’t worthy or good enough for respect for just being who you are.

Those external forces are overwhelming. They may be impossible to carry on your shoulders without feeling as though you are less than for being part of that out-group. It may be even worse if you don’t fit in the out-group that you view yourself to be part of either.

10. A Lack Of Career Progression Or Financial Struggles

A man in a blue shirt holding an acoustic guitar close to his face, gazing pensively to the side. The guitar has a sunburst finish, and the background is a light-colored wall with vertical paneling.

A lack of career progression may make you feel as though you aren’t valued as a worker or for promotion.

Granted, many jobs don’t necessarily work in that sort of linear format anymore. An excellent coder may not have the social skills and understanding to be a good project manager. However, that doesn’t mean they are less capable.

Consequently, you may find that your job or career leaves you struggling to make ends meet. You may feel as though you are unable to manage your finances, not good enough for a job that pays well, or avoid opportunities because of it.

11. Negative Feedback Affects Their Self-Perception

A woman with blonde hair is angrily gesturing with one hand raised towards a teenage girl with long brown hair. The girl is sitting on a couch with her arms crossed, looking upset. Natural light filters through a window behind them, brightening the scene.

Negative self-perception and low self-esteem sound like similar phrases with similar meanings. In fact, negative self-perception is an influence on low self-esteem.

Negative self-beliefs stem from perceived inadequacies from negative feedback or failures. That erodes your self-esteem by causing you to believe that you are less capable and valuable than you actually are.

You might have a fragile ego because of a negative self-perception. This may also include a failure to meet personal goals and setbacks—a common part of the human experience.

12. Unresolved Past Issues

A woman with red hair is sitting, appearing upset. Her hand is resting on her forehead, and a tear is visible on her cheek. She is wearing earrings and a light-colored top. The background is softly blurred.

Unresolved past issues may affect you in the present. Guilt, shame, and regrets may all cause you to question your self-worth if you can’t let them go.

“Why did I do that? I shouldn’t have done that…” is a statement that we have all made at some time. The problem is that hindsight is 20/20. You may have made the best decision that you could at the time, but you didn’t have all the information to make a good or right decision.

It doesn’t make you less than or worse than anyone. It’s just another thing that is part of the human experience.