12 phrases emotionally intelligent people use to make an instant connection

Put these emotionally intelligent phrases in your conversation bank.

A woman smiling warmly, sitting at a table in a cozy room with light-colored furniture. She is reaching out with her hand on the shoulder of another person, who is partially visible in the foreground.

Emotional intelligence encompasses a wide range of interpersonal skills and can make a huge difference in the connections we make with one another. The following phrases, often used by emotionally intelligent people, can help to forge new bonds with those in your life, or strengthen established ones.

1. “Your emotions are valid, even if I can’t relate to them.”

Two women sit cross-legged on a grassy area in a park, engaged in a serious conversation. One has shoulder-length blonde hair and wears glasses and a gray T-shirt, while the other has long dark hair and wears a black T-shirt and maroon pants. Trees are in the background.

A lot of people use one-upmanship or victimhood in an attempt to manipulate situations to their benefit. In contrast, emotionally intelligent people recognize that whatever a person is feeling is real to them in that moment, even if they can’t understand them personally. This approach is immensely validating to others.

2. “How can I best support you in this?”

Two women are engaged in a conversation at an office table. One woman with curly hair and glasses is speaking, holding a pen. The other woman, with straight hair, listens attentively with her chin resting on her hand. A laptop and pink mug are on the table.

Emotionally intelligent people know that one person’s medicine is another’s poison. As such, they don’t assume that the approach that works for them will be helpful to someone else. Instead, they ask each individual how they can help them best, and let them dictate the right approach for moving forward.

3. “I really respect that about you.”

A smiling man in a pink striped shirt engages in a friendly conversation with a smiling woman who is wearing a blue patterned sleeveless top. They appear to be standing outdoors in a narrow, sunlit alleyway.

Telling people that you admire something they’ve done or achieved helps them feel like their efforts have been worthy of recognition. If they haven’t received much support from other people in their lives, this can go a long way toward healing something inside them.

4. “I stand corrected!”

Two women are sitting at a wooden table in a bright cafe, engaged in conversation. One has long blonde hair, wearing a blue shirt, holding a black coffee cup. The other, with light blonde hair in a ponytail, wears a plaid shirt. A potted plant and pastries are on the table.

Emotionally intelligent people are often the first to admit when they’ve been wrong about something. They acknowledge the mistake, learn what the right answer is, and appreciate that they’ve been given an opportunity for personal growth, even if it made them a bit uncomfortable at the time.

5. “I understand your perspective even though it’s different from mine.”

Two women are engaged in a serious conversation at a wooden table in an office setting. One woman with long red hair is listening carefully with hands clasped, while the other woman with light brown hair gestures while speaking. An open notebook and glass of water are on the table.

We don’t always need to have firsthand experience of a situation in order to have a general understanding of it. For example, if you’ve broken your arm before, and you’re speaking to someone with a broken leg, you have some understanding of what they’re experiencing, though the exact details differ.

6. “I’m not judging—merely seeking to understand.”

A bearded man with glasses and a red sweater sits on a couch, gently placing his hand on the shoulder of another man who is facing away, wearing a blue shirt. They appear to be having a serious conversation in a cozy, modern living room.

Some people get very defensive about their situations and end up assuming that clarifying questions are an attack, rather than seeing them for what they are. Understanding their defensiveness and addressing it goes a long way toward making them feel more comfortable that you aren’t judging them—just trying to learn more.

7. “I may be wrong about this…”

Three colleagues are gathered in a bright office space with large windows. One woman is seated on a desk drinking from a paper cup, while the two men stand and chat with her, also holding paper cups. They appear relaxed and engaged in conversation.

This phrase acknowledges that they may not be correct, and offers others the caveat to take what they’re about to say with a grain of salt. Many people are wary of being lectured by those who claim to be experts, so it’s refreshing to have someone come clean about their moderate knowledge or experience.

8. “That must be very difficult to experience.”

Two people sit closely on a couch, with one person, wearing a yellow and white striped shirt, looking down and appearing distressed. The other person, with long hair and a beige sweater, has an arm around their shoulder, offering comfort. A plant is visible in the background.

A phrase like this shows others that you recognize that what they’re going through is rough for them, and you’re witnessing the fact that they’re doing the best they can despite their current situation. Bonus points if you can let them know that accommodations and help are available if they need it.

9. “I completely understand if you’re not into this, but I enjoy it.”

Two men having a conversation in a casual indoor setting. One man, in a blue shirt, faces away from the camera, while the man in a red shirt smiles and holds a drink, looking at the other with an engaging expression. The background is slightly blurred.

People with high emotional intelligence fully recognize that different people have their own preferences, and they won’t always be on the same page. Rather than getting defensive about clashing likes and dislikes, they acknowledge and respect these differences, and often make jokes about their differing preferences as well.

10. “I can see that you’re having difficulty right now.”

A bearded man wearing a plaid shirt embraces a woman with long, brown hair, who is leaning against his chest with a somber expression. They are standing in front of a large pine tree. The scene suggests comfort and support.

Many people who struggle with things like sensory overload or emotional dysregulation can get overwhelmed and frustrated. Letting them know that you can tell they’re having trouble, and that they have the ability to discuss their concerns (or even take a break elsewhere) if needed can mean the world to them.

11. “Thank you so much for sharing that with me.”

Two women sit on a white sofa, engaged in conversation. The woman on the left, wearing a red sweater, has a concerned expression and gestures with her hand on her chest. The woman on the right, in a beige top, listens attentively while holding a black mug.

For people who are incredibly enthusiastic about the topics they love, they appreciate the opportunity to share nuggets of amazing information with people they care about. If someone acknowledges this as a “love language” and lets them know that they care, it helps the person feel seen and appreciated.

12. “How can I help?”

A woman wearing a white shirt extends her hand with pink-painted nails toward another person facing away from the camera, dressed in a green hoodie. The scene suggests an offer of support or comfort between the two individuals.

This is one of the highest signs of emotional intelligence in people, as it shows their empathy and willingness to be of assistance, while simultaneously acknowledging that others should let them know how to do so. If someone offers to help, but doesn’t overstep or get controlling, treasure them.