If you want to stop sabotaging your long-term happiness, avoid these 10 things

Are you sabotaging your happiness by doing these things?

Close-up of a woman with closed eyes basking in sunlight, with a serene expression on her face. Her light brown hair gently frames her face against a blurred outdoor background.

You may have heard of the phrase “happiness is hard to find,” but when it comes to cultivating and maintaining long-term happiness, our actions and our mindset play a critical role in how we view our experiences. However, a lot of habits can be formed subconsciously, and we might not realize they are bad for us until it is too late. Here are 10 things to avoid in order to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

1. Negative self-talk.

A woman with dark hair is leaning against a white wall, looking pensive. She is wearing a black top and has her right hand resting on her forehead. Her expression appears contemplative and slightly troubled.

On occasions where we make a mistake—even when it’s something as simple as spilling your morning coffee on your way into work—it’s normal to feel down about it when it first happens. But if you constantly belittle or criticize yourself over every little thing, it will shatter your self-confidence and lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and overall dissatisfaction with yourself.

2. Perfectionism.

A woman with long, wavy hair examines a yellow plate closely with a frowning expression. She is standing in a bright kitchen with stacks of plates in front of her and potted plants on the windowsill in the background.

Have you ever had the feeling that no matter what you do, it is never “just right?” If you consider yourself a perfectionist, then you know this feeling all too well. While striving for perfection can serve as a great motivator, the fear of not being able to reach those standards can lead to cycles of stress and disappointment and rob you of any joy in your accomplishments.

3. Toxic relationships.

A woman with long brown hair sits on a couch, reaching out with an open hand towards a man with short dark hair. The man, sitting beside her, looks away with a serious expression, holding his hand up as if dismissing or stopping her. They appear to be in a living room.

While our habits are a key factor in long-term happiness, the people we surround ourselves with have more of an influence than we think. Spending time with negative or toxic people can drain your energy and cultivate feelings of frustration and resentment toward that person. So if you ever feel like someone in your life is not good for you, listen to that instinct and cut them out.

4. Living in the past.

A man with short, dark hair holds onto metal bars, looking pensively through them. The background is dark, emphasizing the feeling of confinement.

Every now and then, a question we commonly ask ourselves pops into our minds: “What if?” Sure, it’s normal to think about our past experiences, but if you find yourself fixating on the past and what you could have done differently, it will trap you in an endless cycle of regret that will prevent you from embracing current opportunities for growth and overall happiness.

5. Fear of change.

A man with a beard and mustache, wearing a maroon sweater, is looking down pensively. He is outdoors on a sunny day, with blurred trees and a parked car in the background. Smoke or mist is visible around his face.

Change is a natural, and often necessary part of our lives. Not only does it allow you to experience new things in life, it can also build your character and your overall self-esteem. However, resistance to change can make us feel stuck and heighten our anxiety. To help find the courage to try new things, start with something small like eating at a restaurant alone.

6. Excessive comparisons.

Two women sit at a table; one reads a fashion magazine while the other holds a pink mug and looks at her. They are in a cozy setting with colorful patterned wall tiles in the background. On the table are cookies and a smartphone.

With the ever-growing presence of social media in our lives, it can be difficult not to compare yourself to popular celebrities and influencers that pop up on your feed. But if you find yourself doing this often, it can make you lose focus of your strengths and, overall, can make you feel bummed out.

7. Neglecting self-care.

A young woman is lying on a gray couch, looking pensive and slightly sad. She is wearing a light gray t-shirt and has her arms resting on her stomach. The background is softly blurred, with a glimpse of shelves and books.

We’ve already mentioned how our habits affect our wellbeing, and that is not limited to our basic, everyday routines. We’ve all made an occasional decision to stay up late, skip a workout, or order takeout to save time, but if you’re not careful, it can lead to a cycle of self-neglect that will make you feel irritable and exhausted.

8. Chasing external validation.

A woman with short curly hair is taking a selfie in a round mirror. She is wearing a green halter top and is surrounded by a yellow-green ambient light. There's a white brick wall in the background.

For some people, this can be easier said than done, but if you are truly looking for long-term happiness, stop caring about what other people think of you. Getting the approval of others may feel nice, but if you are constantly seeking validation from other people, it will reduce your self-confidence in the long run.

9. Holding grudges.

Two women are sitting on a gray couch with their arms crossed, facing away from each other. One wears a yellow shirt and glasses, the other wears a white shirt. The background features a green wall with framed pictures. They seem upset or in disagreement.

It’s normal to be upset when someone wrongs you, but holding on to feelings of anger and resentment toward others will only do you more harm than good. Learning to forgive others and let go of past conflicts can prevent those negative feelings from seeping into other aspects of your life and bringing down your overall happiness.

10. Ignoring gratitude.

A person with curly hair gently cradles the face of a white dog, who has its eyes closed and appears content. They are outdoors near a body of water. The person is wearing a long-sleeved shirt and bracelets. The scene conveys a sense of calm and affection.

Let’s face it, life stinks sometimes. When we let trivial things—like getting stuck in traffic or staining a brand new shirt—get to us, it can be hard to break the pattern of consistent complaining. However, if you shift that mindset into appreciation for the smaller joys in life, it will be easier to feel fulfilled and happy with your life.