If your relationship is healthy, you'll never do these 12 things

Do you engage in these behaviors?

A woman lying down and resting her head on a man's arm. She has long hair and is looking at the camera with a slight smile. The man, wearing a white shirt, is looking at her. They both appear relaxed and content.

While every relationship is unique, there are certain universal signs that indicate whether your connection is truly healthy and built to last.

It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of a new romance or to convince yourself that your long-term partnership is healthy, but taking a step back to evaluate your relationship objectively can be eye-opening. Let’s explore 12 key behaviors that you will never engage in if your relationship is genuinely healthy.

1. Only seeing their good points.

A woman smiling and hugging a man indoors by a window. The woman has long dark hair and is wearing a white shirt, while the man has short hair and is wearing a light-colored shirt.

If your relationship is healthy, you should be able to see your partner’s flaws. You won’t overlook potential quirks, bad habits, incompatibilities, or red flags. And if you think your partner is flawless, that’s a red flag in itself.

You’ll weigh up this person’s good points and not-so-good points to figure out whether they are someone you should be spending the rest of your life with.

2. Making unreasonable sacrifices.

A man and a woman are standing close to each other indoors. The man, wearing a light blue shirt, has his arm around the woman's shoulder while gazing intently at her. The woman, with long blonde hair and a neutral expression, looks directly at the camera. Shelves with books in the background.

Sacrifice and compromise are part of being in a healthy, loving relationship. But if you are sacrificing things in your life that are important to you so that you can be with this person, or to please them in some way, you have to ask yourself whether they are deserving of these sacrifices.

This is especially important if the compromises and sacrifices in your relationship are unbalanced, or worse, completely one-sided.

3. Thinking the relationship completes you.

A woman and a man are sitting at an outdoor café, smiling at each other and holding hands. Two cups of coffee are on the table, with a blurred city square visible in the background.

A relationship should never become the only thing worth mentioning in your life, although of course it is natural for it to grow in importance as it develops.

You should never feel like part of a whole rather than an individual in your own right. No relationship can complete you, because you were already a whole person beforehand. And if you don’t think you were already complete before, that’s a whole other issue to deal with.

Don’t let your relationship become your only focus to the detriment of other aspects of your life.

4. Leaving your friends behind.

A man in a yellow shirt sits on a couch, smiling warmly as a young girl in a pink shirt hugs him from behind, both appearing joyful and affectionate. The background shows a bright, modern living room with large windows.

We’ve all had that friend who completely disappears the moment they get into a relationship. Don’t be that person.

If your relationship sucks up so much of your time and energy that you are struggling to maintain your other relationships, it’s not healthy.

When this gets taken too far you risk weakening or losing important connections in your life.

5. Being more invested than your partner (or vice versa).

A woman with long blonde hair wearing a blue top rests her chin on her hand, looking at a man across from her at a table in a modern cafe. The man, wearing a blue shirt, faces away from the camera, and they both have drinks in front of them.

For a relationship to be successful in the long run, both parties need to be equally as invested in it. But if one of you is trying to go faster or heavier than the other is comfortable with, it’s not a good sign.

If you are always pushing ahead with more dates or spending more time together and they aren’t making the same effort, it’s a sign that the relationship isn’t balanced.

Of course, it could be the other way around and it is you who is feeling overwhelmed by their investment in you.

6. Revolving your relationship around physical intimacy.

A couple is cuddling and smiling at each other on a couch in a sunlit room. The woman, wearing a white shirt, rests her head on the man's chest. The man, in a white T-shirt, holds her close, creating an atmosphere of warmth and affection.

For many people, the early stages of a relationship mean physical intimcay – and lots of it.

But it shouldn’t all be bedroom action. You should be able to spend time together without it ending in physical intimacy. You need to balance the physical draw of infatuation with the rest of the things that make a relationship work – sharing your interests, exploring each other’s minds, and learning what makes each other tick.

Go ahead and enjoy the physical side of the relationship, but don’t let it be the only way you build the emotional connection that is vital for this to work long-term.

7. Pretending to be someone you’re not.

A woman with long blonde hair rests her head on a man's shoulder while sitting on a grassy field. The man, wearing a white T-shirt, faces away from the camera. Warm sunlight illuminates the scene, evoking a serene and intimate moment.

If you can’t relax and be your true self around each other, there’s a good chance your relationship isn’t healthy.

While you won’t suddenly feel comfortable wearing sweatpants and a vest around a new romantic interest, you should at least start to drop the veil of your “best self” over time.

Authenticity is appreciated by most people because it allows them to work out how the two of you might work as a couple. If you, they, or neither of you feel able to reveal your true selves then why are you even in this relationship?

8. Plastering your ‘love’ all over social media.

A smiling woman and a man sitting closely together in a bright café, taking a selfie with a pink smartphone. The woman has shoulder-length hair and is wearing a pale pink blouse. The man has short hair and is wearing a light blue shirt. A coffee cup is visible in the foreground.

When your relationship is healthy and secure, you don’t feel the need to plaster it all over your social media.

If you or they are posting photos of you together, commenting all over each other’s posts with heart emojis, or declaring your undying love for all to see, that’s a red flag that one or both of you don’t feel secure in themselves or the relationship.

9. Revealing parts of yourself and your past that shouldn’t be shared yet.

A woman and a man are sitting across from each other at a table in a restaurant. The woman looks concerned, resting her chin on her hands and looking at the man, who is gesturing with his hands. The table has white tablecloths, red napkins, and a small potted plant.

While we would advise you to drop your guard over time and start to show your true self to your partner, if you are revealing things that only your closest friends and family know about you, ask yourself whether your relationship is established enough to do so.

There are some things that, while relevant to a relationship, ought not to be discussed until things are fairly serious. That might include your deepest, darkest secrets, events from your past that have left their mark on you emotionally, or complicated relationships you might have with certain family members.

If you have given them the key to your heart and soul before you can be sure they deserve that trust, it should ring alarm bells that it’s getting too intense too soon.

10. Comparing them to your ex.

A man and a woman enjoying glasses of red wine outdoors. They are standing close to each other, smiling and making eye contact. The setting appears to be a sunny day with trees and a building in the background. Both are dressed casually.

If you find yourself making detailed comparisons between your new partner and your ex chances are you are either not completely over your ex or you are trying to force yourself to believe this new person is a better match.

Either way, it’s not all that healthy to measure your new partner against your old one. They are completely unique individuals after all.

11. Changing significant plans and goals to accommodate them.

A couple sits closely on a couch, intently looking at a laptop. The man, wearing glasses, types while the woman in a yellow sweater leans on his shoulder. A table in front of them holds papers, a book, and a magazine labeled "BUSINESS." Shelves are in the background.

Have you suddenly canceled your longstanding plans to travel around Asia because you don’t want to leave this person behind? Or, conversely, are you splashing the cash on a vacation together despite having a savings goal to buy a new car?

Dropping things that were otherwise important to you is a clear red flag that this relationship might not be healthy.

Of course, compromise and sacrifice are important to a committed relationship, as we’ve already discussed, but it needs to be balanced against your individual needs and goals.

12. Ignoring that funny feeling deep down.

A woman with long dark hair looks past a man's shoulder, with only her eyes and part of her face visible. The man faces away, wearing a brown textured jacket. The background features teal horizontal stripes.

We all know that feeling. When you’re with the person that, up until that moment, has been setting your world on fire, and suddenly something they say or do gives you that odd sensation in your stomach that you then can’t shake.

To some, this means that, on a deep level, you know the person isn’t right for you.