If you never have much luck in dating, you could be making these 10 mistakes

Are you sabotaging your chances at love?

A woman looks distressed with her hand on her forehead, while a man laughs beside her. Both are seated at a table with coffee cups in a cozy café setting.

Are you tired of endless first dates that go nowhere? Or maybe you aren’t even getting to the first date stage. Either way, you’re not alone. Many people struggle to find lasting connections in the world of modern dating. But before you throw in the towel, consider this: you might be making some common mistakes that are sabotaging your chances at love. Let’s explore 10 potential pitfalls and how to avoid them.

1. Being dishonest or vague about what you want.

A man with a beard and wearing a white shirt sits at a table in conversation with a woman whose back is to the camera. His expression is thoughtful and slightly furrowed, as if engaged in a serious discussion. The setting appears to be a casual cafe.

There’s a difference between being ‘keen’ and being honest. Why not clearly state on your dating profile that you are looking for a relationship? At least you’ll weed out all those people who are just interested in hookups.

This way, you know anyone who talks to you knows what you’re looking for and still wants to get to know you.

Being keen is trying to push a relationship too fast, but being honest just means telling someone you’re looking for more than a casual hookup and being prepared to move on if they don’t feel the same.

2. Focusing too much on looks or a certain type.

A man and a woman are sitting at a table in a cafe, having a conversation. The woman is wearing a purple sweater, and the man is wearing an orange sweater. There are glasses of water and a small vase with red flowers on the table.

Challenge yourself to go on dates with people outside your normal type. Say yes if someone unexpected asks you out rather than friend-zoning them too quickly just because they aren’t who you’d usually date.

Don’t focus so much on looks, but see if you feel comfortable in their company and enjoy yourself. The more relaxed you are with a person and happier you are being yourself, the more chance there is of making it past a first date into something more.

3. Having unrealistic and unattainable standards.

A woman with short, stylish gray hair is sitting at a dinner table, holding a white rose, and looking ahead with a gentle smile. She is dressed elegantly with pearl jewelry. In the foreground, a blurred hand is holding a glass of rosé wine.

Try not to set your expectations too high on a first date.

Don’t judge a person for what they have or do – these are superficial things that can change over time. Just because someone doesn’t fit your idea of your perfect partner right now, doesn’t mean they don’t have the potential to be.

Before you ask about what someone does for a job or where they live, try asking about what they do for fun to get to know more about the real them.

If you’re not sure about them, remember that they could be nervous too. Try meeting them one more time to see if the atmosphere changes when you’re more relaxed around each other.

It’s not about where you go or how much is spent on a first date, it’s about how genuine the person is and whether you can have fun together.

4. Searching for love in the wrong places.

Two men are seated at a bar, raising their beer glasses toward each other in a toast. One is wearing a white shirt, and the other has a checkered shirt. The bar counter has a white, hexagonal tile design while sunlight filters through the windows in the background.

Meeting someone on a night out might seem like the easiest option, but it’s not always the most successful.

If you want more than a hookup, start by looking in places where you have common ground with the people there.

You could join a sports club or theatre group, even a choir; any group with other people who have at least one similar interest to you.

If you meet someone there, you know you already have a common interest, and you might share more. You have a ready-made conversation starter and can get to know each at a leisurely pace, building a more solid foundation for a potential relationship than anything you’d find at 3am on the dance floor.

5. Getting intimate too quickly.

A woman sits on a bed, looking thoughtful and concerned, with her hands resting on her cheeks. In the background, a man sits turned away, facing a window. The room is softly lit with natural light.

If you get physical too quickly, your emotional attachment to a person will grow stronger, even if you tell yourself it’s only a bit of fun. We can’t help that hormones make us feel more attached after physical intimacy, which makes being rejected after getting intimate hurt that much more.

People should want to spend time with you because they’re interested in who you are, not just because they can get you into bed. Have confidence in your self-worth and hold out for a person who respects you and values the time you share.

6. Letting finding “The One” become an obsession.

A woman in a striped shirt is sitting at a desk, looking at her laptop with a smile. She is resting her chin on her hand. A plant, keyboard, and cup are on the desk, and a bicycle is in the background.

It’s hard not to feel negative or desperate when you’re used to dates not progressing, but try not to let it dominate your thoughts.

See each new date as a clean slate and give the person you’re meeting a real chance to get to know you, and you them.

Stop worrying so much about trying to please them or thinking about whether there could be a future for the two of you. Just try to enjoy the present moment.

Make the most of the chance to meet someone new, and be sure to prioritize having a good time. The more natural and happy you are, the more attractive you’ll become.

7. Neglecting your single life.

A woman with long dark hair sits at a wooden table in a cozy café, intently reading a book. She rests her chin on her hand, wearing a white sweater. A pair of glasses and a blue cup are on the table to her right. The background is softly lit and blurred.

Before you date anyone, make sure you appreciate what life as an adult without a partner is like. Embrace your hobbies, see your friends and family, and do whatever makes you feel good.

Make self-care a priority, and learn to enjoy time just doing things for yourself so you can be more confident in who you are and what you bring to the relationship table.

8. Never making the first move.

A young man in a burgundy t-shirt and jeans is leaning against a bookshelf, talking to a smiling young woman in an orange t-shirt who is holding books. They appear to be in a brightly lit library with shelves of books on both sides.

Take the initiative and just go for it. Remember, confidence is attractive.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or come across as too intense. Just suggest a casual date in a polite manner and see what they say.

The worst they can do is say no and there is no reason for you to feel embarrassed or awkward if that happens. They may not even realize how much you like them.

The same applies to calling, messaging, or organizing a date. Don’t worry so much about who messaged last; just tell them what a great time you had on the date and be confident about asking if they want to do something again soon if that’s what you want.

9. Making poor dating choices because you feel under pressure to couple up.

A woman and a man sit at a table outdoors, smiling at each other. They each have a glass of water in front of them. The sun is shining brightly, creating a warm and cheerful atmosphere.

Just because people around you have coupled up, doesn’t mean that you should too. Even if you do want to find love, it’s much better to hold out for the right person than try to force something with someone who is wrong for you.

The more you force a first date, the less chance you have of making it to a second. Dating isn’t just about finding ‘the one,’ it’s also a great chance to meet a variety of people and become more confident in yourself.

If you haven’t found anyone right for you yet, don’t see it as a negative. Embrace single life, living on your own time, exploring new places, and having new experiences. The more you embrace life as it is, the less pressure you’ll put on finding the right person for you.

Everything will work out at its natural pace.

10. Getting emotionally attached too easily and rushing things.

A woman and a man sitting at an outdoor café table, smiling and enjoying drinks. The woman holds a glass with a straw, and the man holds a small cup. They are surrounded by greenery and buildings are visible in the background.

Don’t let yourself get carried away with imagining your wedding and what your children would look like after just a couple of dates. It takes time to get to know someone properly, and one good date can’t tell you everything you need to know.

If you often let your emotions run away with you, try to take things slower than normal on your next date and not to label anything too fast. Although you want to take things further, the person you like could need a little more time.

Finally…

A smiling man and woman sit at a table in a café, enjoying slices of cake. The man, wearing a blue shirt and watch, looks at the woman attentively. The woman, wearing an orange top, gazes back at him. Cups of coffee are on the table in front of them.

Trust in the fact that when the timing is right, you will meet the person you’re looking for.

Every experience you’ve had – good or bad – has taught you something about yourself and about the type of person that really suits you. So when the time is right, you’ll feel more certain that you’ve found something good.

It’s hard to trust that everything will work out ok in the end, and there will always be that little voice in the back of your head asking you “but what if it doesn’t work out after all?”

But no one knows what the future holds, and if you’re happy with who you are and making the most of your life, then your future is bright.

A date won’t necessarily fall into your lap; you have to put the work into building up your confidence and putting yourself in positions where you can meet new people. No doubt you’ll face some rejection along the way, but that’s all part of helping you find the right person for you.

Dating shouldn’t feel pressured or stressful, it should be fun and something you enjoy doing.

If you feel as though you’ve faced a lot of rejection recently, maybe take a step back to rediscover a happiness within yourself that you don’t have to rely on a partner for.

There is nothing wrong with you just because you haven’t found the right person yet. And you can’t judge yourself by anyone else’s relationship. Focus on doing what makes you happiest and if it’s meant to be, you’ll find the right match for you when the time is right.